My Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse (Includes Extensive Resource List)

Tim, I join thousands of others in thanking you for your courage, compassion, insight and inspiration.

I was hoping for a resource for finding a good therapist. Over and over we are warned that you can’t do this alone. That having a good therapist made all the difference. set and setting are critical for a successful psychedelic experience. Be very careful! Be sure you are working with a professional!
I’ve read half the books that are on this reading list. I cannot read myself out of my dysfunction. I recognize I need professional support. But I have not been able to find it.
My prayer to you Tim, is that you will create a database or some online clearing house where people can recommend and rate therapists in their area. If this is something you would consider using your resources to set up, I would be happy to put in the hours it takes to set it up. 

When Tim Ferriss interviewed Brene’ Brown (episode 409) he asked her about the seemingly completely out of character responses Brene’ Elicits in others. Tim asked, “what chord do you think you have struck, or what archetype are you providing that gets that response?” Brene’ at first, very humbly did not provide an answer to the question, but Tim gave a theory… “that it has something to do with vulnerability.”

Fast forward to Tim and Debbie Millman’s published conversation Sept 14,2020; a powerful dialog of their individual journeys toward healing. The best part for me as a listener is that I know the journey is not done for either Debbie or Tim and that I have the gift of future podcasts from each of these incredible humans to continue to add to what feels like a shared experience of healing.

Tim thank you to you and Debbie for this gift of such a critical conversation at such a critical time in the world – a time when it feels like the world is for connection and healing. This conversation between Debbie and Tim is a gift I plan to come back to time and again, I am a different person for having heard this conversation. I will be a different, and better human every time I listen to this conversation it is that important.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You’re so generous Tim. Thank you!!!!!!
Love from Argentina
G.

When I saw the title, I didn’t know what to expect. You’re right, this is a taboo topic that needs to be brought out of the darkness into broad daylight. This podcast was a model of transparency and authenticity. By making yourself vulnerable, you’ve opened the door of healing for millions of people. In a cynical world, this 2 hour and 20 minute podcast is a beacon of hope.

Bravery on a whole nother level. I appreciate the vulnerability, last weeks recommendations of ‘The Work’ documentary, and the various podcasts. I’ve never been physically abused and suffered from the regular emotional/mental abuse that the majority of males come up with. However, along with the recent reading of Daring Greatly, it has given me a large respect for and the ability to open up vulnerable thoughts within myself.
Keep pushing forward, I think you have become one of the most important faces for males dealing with longstanding issues and have helped many people find ways to handle it.
Much appreciated!

This remembers me a quote from Brené Brown “Strong back, soft front, wild heart”. May you be at peace, Tim, and live an ever increasing, incredible life.

Long-term fan here. So sorry that happened to you, that’s absolutely horrific. I really admire your strength of dealing with this. How compassionate of you for sharing your story, and everything else you do. Wishing you all the best.

thank you to you both.

Thank you so much for this very special personal episode, this gives us power and let’s us know we are not alone thank you for giving yourself permission to be vulnerable. I took shrooms and what my sub conscience was hiding has been a nightmare I’ve since been in therapy. I was molested by my father and I had no idea until the shrooms then I discovered the reasons for my behavior. Once again thank you for sharing.

A gigantic THANK YOU x a trillion for this episode, and for offering this profound and invaluable contribution to humanity. The impact of this contribution will cause ripples of healing across the globe and already is. Gratitude

And here you are again improving and saving lives by turning your experience into wisdom. I’m just so sad and angry as this experience was NEVER one you should have gone through. The fact you chose to share your hurt and your recovery is testament to your courage, determination and generosity. You will no doubt save lives because of your bravery and it was Debbie Millman’s bravery that called forth your truth so thank you to her too. For me, on the day I broke and was about to take my own life I found myself on my knees praying to god I didn’t believe in. My prayer was “ I quit, it’s over and if for some reason you decide to save my life it will only be because you want me to help others. I cannot live for me anymore but I’ll live for others.” I’m still here! The most perfect people appeared in my life and I started to heal. And in accordance with the prayer and what I now believe was the plan, I have been sent countless people over the years that I have been able to help. It is my greatest honour to have been sent these people. I know that they know I’ve been where they are and I can call them forward. it is hard and messy work but people do heal. There is recovery! Many things helped. I did something called “Empty chair Work“. I did it in the UK but I think it comes from the Survivors Programme – Pia Melody. The work of Julia Cameron, Geneen Roth, V (formally Eve Ensler),Chanel Miller helped immensely too, in addition to many of the other people you have listed. Please look at the work of survivor Janes Rhodes who has the most incredible story and is now reforming sex abuse law in Spain. He’s also fast, furious, passionate, talented and determined. Finally, fluffy, very soft fabrics got me back in my body and made me feel safe. So simple yet so effective…… I wish you all the love the world has to offer. Love too to all those who hold you, guide you and love you back to wholeness. This is hard important work and it takes a tribe to save a life and heal a soul, which is why, as you say “none of us are alone with this” we cannot be for this work is done together and needs a chorus of beings to bring about healing. Some sing plant medicine, some sing talk therapy, other voices are found in books – there is hope and healing and miracles do happen. Love you Tim. Xxx

Couldn’t sleep well last night as a result of this. I’m owe of the powerful message this brings and of course also bc the connection to your authenticity as a long term follower. Much needs to be done to safeguard our children. I will take some actions towards helping that. First of all tho by speaking out it reduce these perpetrators’s power to almost zero. For a long time people keep it a secret such that the crimes gain its power , both psychologically and practically for people who have such mental illness (or at least we can call it an issue) to hurt children. The root cause have to be found and resolved.

Thanks for sharing.Thank you for the resources.They are much needed.

This podcast- hands down- was the most accurate description of what sexual trauma/PTSD does to a person’s brain and to their whole life. It’s what I live with daily and even though I consider my life to be moderately successful, it is always with me, in my head to a certain degree (with brief moments, days or weeks of respite) like an unwelcome tune. Thank you. I was scared to listen and it took me two days to complete this episode but from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know it really made a difference. Thank you so much for sharing with us and helping so many people.

Wow. Thank you for making this public. I haven’t experience childhood trauma like that (I don’t think), but I have struggled with depression for a long time, and so much of what you talk about in this episode resonated with me deeply, especially the part about ‘extinguishing the loop’ and ‘being fatally flawed in a way that dooms you to unhappiness and self-loathing.’ It’s kind of haunting to hear you articulate thoughts like this that have almost endlessly cycled through my head for the past decade or more.

Tim,

Thank you for your courage and bravery in telling your story. You are truly an inspiration, especially to me. I was around your age when I was sexually abused by an older boy as well. It is more common for sexual abuse to happen that way than by an adult. So many men feel confusion, shame, and terror in discussing their sexual abuse and the feelings surrounding it. Thank you for sharing. For helping others not feel alone. For helping me not feel alone. I am ever grateful for your story.

Be well.

To say that this is a gift is an definitive understatement, it’s extraordinary game changing act, that will not just save lives, but allow those of us, all of us living, and living through trauma( and that is so many of us) to begin to find joy in living.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude Tim.

But it might be worth noting my way through it, I could not listen to the audio, I felt nauseous, it was too close to the bone for me, and saw I printed and read the transcript, I was able to take breaks, explore the modalities Tim and Debbie( both the best kind of heroes) have taken to healing.

I was able to feel it and chart my way forward, but at my own pace.

Hope that helps someone, this podcast will help everyone that engages in it.

This episode helped give me the vocabulary to break through a few things in my own therapy session. So if this incredibly difficult episode did nothing else, you helped a Dad in the Midwest be a little better for his kid.

I’ve been taught that if you can share it, you can bear it. I’m so sorry to learn of this chapter in your life. Please know that the courage you have mustered and shared with your tribe will without a doubt, allow others to do the same and move towards a healthier and happier time in their lives.

Although I find it hard to see right now, there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel, trust me and fight ck

Dear Tim, I am so proud of you and your courage to share this. Thank you for making and sharing this with us.

Thank you Tim for your courage and honesty. Truly a moving and very difficult conversation that I know will change so many lives for the better.

Thank you for sharing. Sharing the vulnerable parts of you is hard and I applaud your strength. I’ve been through trauma more related to religion and have been on a healing journey for over 5 years now. And I’m a healer myself. The cycle of healing yourself helps others heal and helping others heal helps you heal is the reciprocal effect of healing. I am a massage therapist and I also do Myofascial release treatment sessions and intake my clients through their trauma starting with their physical restrictions. I’ve found that my journey of healing has been monumentally affected by this work, helping my clients and helping myself by getting treated also. I tend towards holistic therapies and have found that Myofascial release, massage, chiropractics, reiki, crystal healing, acupuncture, essential oils, herbal medicine, meditation, mindfulness, journaling, yin yoga, chakra healing, energy work, healthy eating and long deep conversations with trusted friends have all been different pieces of my freedom and there is more freedom to be had. I’m thankful for your story and your suggestions for additional resources is amazing! Thank you! And here’s to continuing on the journey!

So brave, so moving. Thank you both for sharing your stories. This has resonated with me, and I think it will also resonate with so many of your followers. Your courage and how you found a way to move through the pain will shine a light for many.
My thoughts are with you after sharing this podcast, if there is pain, I’m sending compassion.

This was very shocking to hear, but also very touching and inspiring. Your courage makes me appreciate you even more than before, and you were already my favorite author, a great source of inspiration and massive influence in my life, ever since the 4HWW. This made me yet again remember that a person’s true value is not given by their money or notoriety, but rather by how many people’s lives they’ve touched and improved along their journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for existing. The world would have been a much poorer place without you.

Tim and Debby, I was touched and entranced by this episode of your podcast… I am grateful for your openness and honesty in sharing these painful aspects of your lives. I must confess, however, to feeling as if a scab has been ripped off of a wound for which I have no idea how it got there.

I have dealt with depression for at least the last 50 years, since the time I hooked a garden hose up to the tailpipe of the family sedan at age 14. I turned 18 in 1974 undergoing ECT, after months of “abuse” by well-meaning psychiatrists who put me on tricyclic antidepressants and antipsychotics (elavil, melaril, haldol, thorazine, etc.).

I eventually sought my own “cure” by joining the army (back in pre-internet days when I could hide my medical history). The physical exercise and lack of choices to make worked wonders at improving my self-confidence and mood, until I felt “boxed in” and went AWOL. I wound up trying to suffocate myself in the bushes behind a convenience store where I had spent my last 5 dollars on a box of trash bags. I just wanted the suffering of being me to end, but as I struggled to die I had the epiphany that if I had to struggle, regardless, that I may as well struggle to live. I crawled out of the bushes and stumbled into the night without a clue what would come next. I sat down at an all-night diner and used my last dollar to buy a cup of coffee. A young man came in and sat down next to me and introduced himself, telling me that he was on leave from the army because he was looking for his buddy who was AWOL.

That was the first time that I felt that the universe had my back. I went on to make sergeant, earn an Army Commendation Medal, return to college and earn a B.S. in geology, complete a 30 year career as a mine geologist, fall in love, marry, and raise 3 daughters (and become a father figure for 6 other young women who entered my family as foreign exchange students and 2nd time orphans, and foster dad to an 8 yr. old boy who had been sexually abused).

I worked hard to put my past as a bullied kid who believed that there was something wrong with him and who was ashamed that he was a mental patient… so I was proud of my “accomplishments” both in having a life and in “overcoming” depression. But I knew that I hadn’t really “overcome” anything, in fact, I felt that I had somehow compromised with life and hid my “real” self from society. I had found ways to manage depression, but not to address the underlying sense of inadequacy, that I didn’t really fit in society.

At age 61, after overcoming a health crisis (bilateral frozen shoulder syndrome that led to inactivity, obesity, and type 2 diabetes) that had robbed me of my main means of keeping depression at bay (distance running), I ran my first ultramarathon by running 100 miles in the snow pulling a sled with 30 pounds of survival gear. I felt that I had achieved “impossible” and that I wanted to take on the old wounds and compromises that I had made in life. I quit my job because I wanted to address my fears and insecurities about earning a living without compromise of principles and desires.

The past two years of struggling to create a new life as an entrepreneur have forced me to face aspects of my personality and identity that I didn’t realize had been so wounded (or at least to face the fact that my solutions and strategies for negotiating life had been band-aids). I had an experience with Ayahuasca in Peru (2 days and nights of delirium after 3 nights of ingestion) that allowed me to overcome any fear of death, but left me sinking into depression over complete confusion over how to live life. But it was the first period of depression in my life where I didn’t feel desperate, I felt that I was undergoing depression to learn something about myself.

I have since come to terms with depression as a natural reaction to stress and I have let go of most stigma or judgement attached to it. I now view depression and despair as simply measures of my capacity to feel joy and fulfillment.

I know I just spewed one hell of a ramble… and no doubt I come across at the crazy person I have spent my life trying to hide from the world… but I don’t mind any more… I am coming to love and accept myself as I am and I’m actually enjoying taking on and getting past my fear of appearing crazy (or any other euphemism for misfit). I’m enjoying life and I am enjoying engaging with other people in fulfilling ways that I never thought possible. I am talking openly about my past… hence this long ramble.

But the fact remains that, though I know my journey to get to where I am today, I don’t know the why of my struggle. I have no recollection of trauma in my life before the grade school bullying began. As I look back, we kids were all in a shark tank trying to survive, so I hold no grudges… I just know that I was picked on because of some perceived weakness… but where did that come from? I developed asthma at age 3 and that was around the same time as my mother came down with type 1 diabetes.

Still, my parents were unconditionally loving and supportive. My father was a bit emotionally distant… the first time I ever saw him cry was when he found me in the car gassing myself. Two years ago I received an emailed suicide note from my father, and I found myself negotiating with staff of a psychiatric ward to have him released after he didn’t go through with it (he did discharge his firearm though). Life can be very strange! Or to quote Jerry Garcia “what a long strange trip it’s been”.

My mother has passed on, and my father is notably psychologically fragile as his health declines. I don’t see any avenues to pursue my early history externally, and ayahuasca, 4-aco-DMT, and 1p-LSD experiences haven’t brought up any internal trauma (even though I was intentionally digging deep to find something during my ayahuasca experience).

So I’m left wondering “what was my trauma”? In the end, I suppose I can live with some mystery there… and I can manage any fear that should come up over the notion that I could be blindsided some day with an unexpected return to my early childhood experiences. I just know that I have carried my struggle on and that I have come to appreciate and love the struggle. I loved hearing your stories of struggle, and the part of me that knows the pain of isolation and despair is in total awe of your struggle to keep going and to heal yourselves through compassion for yourselves and for others who have suffered. With love and gratitude, Bob.