“So many of us destroy our aliveness through pretending. I wasn’t going to pretend.” — Jim Dethmer
Jim Dethmer is one of the world’s leading voices on conscious leadership. He is a co-founder at Conscious Leadership Group, co-author of the #1 best-selling book on conscious leadership, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, and an international speaker. And he has advised hundreds of CEOs and their teams to eliminate drama and build trust within their organizations.
Top hedge-fund managers, heads of major hospital systems, tech leaders, elite thought leaders, and YPO chapters and forums rely on Jim’s wisdom and guidance to become highly self-aware and to create conscious cultures. Currently, Jim’s focus is on working with the most devoted conscious leaders—with a particular interest in those leading underserved populations—and training the next generation of conscious leadership coaches.
Visit conscious.is/tim for a list of free resources on the topics discussed in this episode and to sign up for a free webinar from Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear another episode with someone who’s committed to “aliveness”? Listen to my conversation with Michael Lewis, who told me how he’s cultivated the narrative that he’s “one of the happiest people” anybody knows.
SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
- While Jim Dethmer himself isn’t active on social media, you can find the Conscious Leadership Group online at any of the following:
- The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp
- The Work of Byron Katie
- Practicing Emotional Intelligence | The Conscious Leadership Group
- Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks
- Commit to Living in Your Zone of Genius | Conscious Leadership Group
- Conscious Breathing | The Conscious Leadership Group
- Aim Small, Miss Small — Improve Your Archery Accuracy and Focus | MerlinArchery
- Are You Willing to Feel Your Feelings? | Conscious Leadership Group
- The Cognitive Emotive Loop: What it is, Why it Keeps you Stuck, and How to Break Free | Conscious Leadership Group Blog
- On Being with Krista Tippett
- Locating Yourself — A Key to Conscious Leadership | Conscious Leadership Group
- The Sedona Method
- Are You Taking 100% Responsibility? | Conscious Leadership Group
- Teaching Your Drama Class | The Conscious Leadership Group
- The 15 Commitments | Conscious Leadership Group
- Going Deeper with The 15 Commitments: Taking Radical Responsibility | Conscious Leadership Group Blog
- What I Learned From Blaise Pascal About The Power Of Stillness | The Wisdom Daily
- Out Beyond Ideas by Rumi | National Poetry Day
- The 4 Ways of Leading | The Conscious Leadership Group
- The Hero’s Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life and Work by Joseph Campbell
- The Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
- Beyond Vulnerability: More Honest, More Open, and Less Vulnerable | Conscious Leadership Group Blog
- The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace by M. Scott Peck
- People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil by M. Scott Peck
- Four Stages of Community
- Integrity: Creating a Life of Wholeness | Conscious Leadership Group
- The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck
- Want More Energy? Seal Your Integrity Leaks | Conscious Leadership Group Blog
- Self Portrait by David Whyte
- How did Jim’s journey bring him to co-found Conscious Leadership Group? [07:02]
- How did Jim identify Byron Katie as a high-credibility guru with whom he should spend time, and what has he learned from her — particularly about coping with the stressful and disturbing thoughts we’re all thinking during these unique and trying times? How do her four questions provide options and action over complacency when difficult decisions need to be made? [10:29]
- Who are Gay and Katie Hendricks, and what have they taught Jim about avoiding drama-based conflict in close relationships and living in the “zone of genius?” [28:52]
- The technique and benefits of conscious breathing, with words of wisdom from the world of marksmanship. [32:05]
- Before you can get emotionally intelligent, you have to be emotionally literate: how the Hendricks have helped Jim co-exist with heightened and activated feelings in a constructive rather than destructive manner. [37:39]
- What does Jim mean when he asks: “Can you accept yourself for being scared and below the line?” First, we need to determine where we are in relation to the line. [49:57]
- When trying to take responsibility for his actions, how does Jim distinguish between personal accountability and self-blame (or resorting to blaming others)? What is the real benefit of accepting radical responsibility? [58:06]
- Jim shares some personal and professional examples of accepting radical responsibility. [1:04:38]
- On the 15 commitments that Jim and his wife Debbie established early in their relationship that determines how they engage with one another in a cocommited rather than codependent way. [1:09:18]
- Some of the candid or uncomfortable conversations that are the most important to have, and how you can best ensure you’re open to receiving those kinds of conversations before you initiate them. [1:20:52]
- If you’re in quarantine with a significant other, are you able to separate facts from story? Are you more interested in being proven right, or are you more interested in becoming closer? [1:30:39]
- The four contexts that answer the question”How are we being with the content of life?” To Me, By Me, Through Me, and As Me. [1:36:38]
- Jim shares what entailed his own “descent into the ashes” — a particularly difficult time in his life. [1:50:28]
- When someone finds themselves going through their own descent into the ashes, what does Jim suggest they do? [1:59:18]
- What are you willing to put at risk for full aliveness? What won’t you put at risk for full aliveness? Jim talks about Scott Peck’s tunnel of chaos and the concept of pseudo communities versus authentic communities. [2:02:20]
- The Four Pillars of Integrity. [2:07:57]
- When Jim left a career in midlife, from all external appearances, at the top of his game, how did he end up quitting? Was it a sudden epiphany or a long, slow realization? [2:10:48]
- Parting thoughts. [2:20:37]
- Dustin Moskovitz
- Byron Katie
- Gay Hendricks
- Katie Hendricks
- Deborah J. Burditt
- Diana Chapman
- Dan Siegel
- Krista Tippett
- Hale Dwoskin
- Blaise Pascal
- Bruce Lee
- Michael Beckwith
- Michael Jordan
- Joseph Campbell
- Dr. Seuss
- M. Scott Peck
- David Whyte
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