Jack Kornfield – Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy in the Present (#300)

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“Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed. This is the ancient and eternal law.” 
– Dhammapada

Jack Kornfield (@JackKornfield) trained as a Buddhist monk in the monasteries of Thailand, India, and Burma, shortly thereafter becoming one of the key teachers to introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West. He has taught meditation internationally since 1974.

Jack has had a profound and direct impact on my life, and I’m thrilled to finally have him on the podcast to share our history, his incredible stories, and practical tactics and techniques that you can use.

Jack co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, with fellow meditation teachers Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein and the Spirit Rock Center in Woodacre, California. He holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is a father, husband, and activist.

Jack’s books have been translated into 20 languages and sold more than a million copies, including The Wise Heart, A Lamp in the Darkness, A Path with Heart, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry (one of my favorite book titles of all time), and his most recent, No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are.

Enjoy!

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Jack Kornfield - Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy in the Present
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Want to hear another episode about meditation and mindfulness? — Listen to this episode with Sharon Salzberg (stream below or right-click here to download):



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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

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The Answers to My Favorite Questions (#284)

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“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn

This is an unusual episode. Instead of the typical interview format where I ask other people questions, I did what thousands of you have requested; I answered the 11 questions that are the foundation of Tribe of Mentors (and added in a few bonus answers). From beliefs that have changed my life to how I cope with feeling overwhelmed, I go into depth on all of my answers. I also recorded some of the answers on video, which you can watch on my YouTube channel.

I hope you enjoy this solo episode, and find something helpful that you can apply to your life. As always, thanks for listening!

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Want to hear a conversation with a mentor from Tribe of Mentors? Listen to this episode with Tim Urban, in which we discuss the future, how to deal with procrastination, AI, and much much more. Listen to it here (stream below or right-click to download):

Managing Procrastination, Predicting the Future, and Finding Happiness - Tim Urban
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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

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Sharon Salzberg, World-Renowned Meditation Teacher (#277)

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“Do the good that’s in front of you, even if it feels very small.”
– Sharon Salzberg

Sharon Salzberg (@SharonSalzberg) is a central figure in the field of meditation, a world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author.

Sharon has played a crucial role in bringing meditation and mindfulness practices to the West and into mainstream culture since 1974, when she first began teaching. She is the co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, and she has written ten books — from her seminal Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness to her latest, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection.

Sharon offers a secular and modern approach to Buddhist teachings, making them more accessible. She is a regular columnist for On Being, a contributor to Huffington Post, and the host of her own podcast: The Metta Hour.

Please enjoy!

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Want to hear another podcast about meditation? In this episode, we hear from Chase Jarvis as he explains his top priorities for feeling fulfilled. I talk transcendental meditation with Arnold Schwarzenegger. And I cover a wide spectrum with Sam Harris, and ask him about everything from hallucinogens to meditation techniques (stream below or right-click here to download):

#201: The Tim Ferriss Radio Hour: Meditation, Mindset, and Mastery
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This podcast is brought to you by ConvertKit. This my go-to email service provider and the only email tool that has made email marketing intuitive for my team without sacrificing any of the features and benefits I need to run a profitable business. It’s got easy-to-use systems, split testing, resending technology, automation, targeted content, high rates of deliverability, integration with more than 35 services — like WordPress, Shopify, and Sumo — and excellent customer service.

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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

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Fear-Setting: The Most Valuable Exercise I Do Every Month

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I do an exercise called “fear-setting” at least once a quarter, often once a month. It is the most powerful exercise I do.  

Fear-setting has produced my biggest business and personal successes, as well as repeatedly helped me to avoid catastrophic mistakes.

The above TED talk (brand-new!) gives you an overview, and the below text provides more detail, step-by-step instructions, and real-world examples. For the three exercise slides from the TED presentation, click here.

Now, onward…

Enter Fear-Setting

“Many a false step was made by standing still.”
— Fortune Cookie

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”
— Yoda

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Twenty feet and closing.

“Run! Ruuuuuuuuuun!” Hans didn’t speak Portuguese, but the meaning was clear enough—haul ass. His sneakers gripped firmly on the jagged rock, and he drove his chest forward toward 3,000 feet of nothing.

He held his breath on the final step, and the panic drove him to near unconsciousness. His vision blurred at the edges, closing to a single pinpoint of light, and then . . . he floated. The all-consuming celestial blue of the horizon hit his visual field an instant after he realized that the thermal updraft had caught him and the wings of the paraglider. Fear was behind him on the mountaintop, and thousands of feet above the resplendent green rain forest and pristine white beaches of Copacabana, Hans Keeling had seen the light.

That was Sunday.

On Monday, Hans returned to his law office in Century City, Los Angeles’s posh corporate haven, and promptly handed in his three-week notice. For nearly five years, he had faced his alarm clock with the same dread: I have to do this for another 40–45 years?

He had once slept under his desk at the office after a punishing half-done project, only to wake up and continue on it the next morning.

That same morning, he had made himself a promise: two more times and I’m out of here. Strike number three came the day before he left for his Brazilian vacation.

We all make these promises to ourselves, and Hans had done it before as well, but things were now somehow different. He was different.

He had realized something while arcing in slow circles toward the earth—risks weren’t that scary once you took them. His colleagues told him what he expected to hear: He was throwing it all away. He was an attorney on his way to the top—what the hell did he want?

Hans didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but he had tasted it.

On the other hand, he did know what bored him to tears, and he was done with it. No more passing days as the living dead, no more dinners where his colleagues compared cars, riding on the sugar high of a new BMW purchase until someone bought a more expensive Mercedes. It was over.

Immediately, a strange shift began—Hans felt, for the first time in a long time, at peace with himself and what he was doing. He had always been terrified of plane turbulence as if he might die with the best inside of him, but now he could fly through a violent storm sleeping like a baby. Strange indeed.

More than a year later, he was still getting unsolicited job offers from law firms, but by then had started Nexus Surf,5 a premier surf adventure company based in the tropical paradise of Florianopolis, Brazil. He had met his dream girl, a Carioca with caramel-colored skin named Tatiana, and spent most of his time relaxing under palm trees or treating clients to the best times of their lives.

Is this what he had been so afraid of?

These days, he often sees his former self in the underjoyed and overworked professionals he takes out on the waves. Waiting for the swell, the true emotions come out: “God, I wish I could do what you do.” His reply is always the same: “You can.”

The setting sun reflects off the surface of the water, providing a Zen-like setting for a message he knows is true: It’s not giving up to put your current path on indefinite pause. He could pick up his law career exactly where he left off if he wanted to, but that is the furthest thing from his mind.

As they paddle back to shore after an awesome session, his clients get ahold of themselves and regain their composure. They set foot on shore, and reality sinks its fangs in: “I would, but I can’t really throw it all away.”

He has to laugh.

The Power of Pessimism: Defining the Nightmare

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”
— Benjamin Disraeli, former British Prime Minister

To do or not to do? To try or not to try? Most people will vote no, whether they consider themselves brave or not. Uncertainty and the prospect of failure can be very scary noises in the shadows. Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

For years, I set goals, made resolutions to change direction, and nothing came of either. I was just as insecure and scared as the rest of the world.

The simple solution came to me accidentally four years ago. At that time, I had more money than I knew what to do with—I was making $70K or so per month—and I was completely miserable, worse than ever. I had no time and was working myself to death.

I had started my own company, only to realize it would be nearly impossible to sell. This turned out to be yet another self-imposed limitation and false construct. (BrainQUICKEN was acquired by a private equity firm in 2009.)

Oops. I felt trapped and stupid at the same time.

I should be able to figure this out, I thought. Why am I such an idiot?

Why can’t I make this work?! Buckle up and stop being such a (insert expletive)! What’s wrong with me? The truth was, nothing was wrong with me. I hadn’t reached my limit; I’d reached the limit of my business model at the time. It wasn’t the driver, it was the vehicle.

Critical mistakes in its infancy would never let me sell it. I could hire magic elves and connect my brain to a supercomputer—it didn’t matter. My little baby had some serious birth defects. The question then became, How do I free myself from this Frankenstein while making it self-sustaining? How do I pry myself from the tentacles of workaholism and the fear that it would fall to pieces without my 15-hour days? How do I escape this self-made prison? A trip, I decided.

A sabbatical year around the world.

So I took the trip, right? Well, I’ll get to that. First, I felt it prudent to dance around with my shame, embarrassment, and anger for six months, all the while playing an endless loop of reasons why my cop-out fantasy trip could never work. One of my more productive periods, for sure.

Then, one day, in my bliss of envisioning how bad my future suffering would be, I hit upon a gem of an idea. It was surely a highlight of my “don’t happy, be worry” phase: Why don’t I decide exactly what my nightmare would be—the worst thing that could possibly happen as a result of my trip?

Well, my business could fail while I’m overseas, for sure. Probably would. A legal warning letter would accidentally not get forwarded and I would get sued. My business would be shut down, and inventory would spoil on the shelves while I’m picking my toes in solitary misery on some cold shore in Ireland. Crying in the rain, I imagine. My bank account would crater by 80% and certainly my car and motorcycle in storage would be stolen. I suppose someone would probably spit on my head from a high-rise balcony while I’m feeding food scraps to a stray dog, which would then spook and bite me squarely on the face. God, life is a cruel, hard bitch.

Conquering Fear = Defining Fear

“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?”
— Seneca

Then a funny thing happened. In my undying quest to make myself miserable, I accidentally began to backpedal. As soon as I cut through the vague unease and ambiguous anxiety by defining my nightmare, the worst-case scenario, I wasn’t as worried about taking a trip. Suddenly, I started thinking of simple steps I could take to salvage my remaining resources and get back on track if all hell struck at once. I could always take a temporary bartending job to pay the rent if I had to. I could sell some furniture and cut back on eating out. I could steal lunch money from the kindergarteners who passed by my apartment every morning. The options were many. I realized it wouldn’t be that hard to get back to where I was, let alone survive. None of these things would be fatal—not even close. Mere panty pinches on the journey of life.

I realized that on a scale of 1–10, 1 being nothing and 10 being permanently life-changing, my so-called worst-case scenario might have a temporary impact of 3 or 4. I believe this is true of most people and most would-be “holy sh*t, my life is over” disasters.

Keep in mind that this is the one-in-a-million disaster nightmare.

On the other hand, if I realized my best-case scenario, or even a probable-case scenario, it would easily have a permanent 9 or 10 positive life-changing effect.

In other words, I was risking an unlikely and temporary 3 or 4 for a probable and permanent 9 or 10, and I could easily recover my baseline workaholic prison with a bit of extra work if I wanted to.

This all equated to a significant realization: There was practically no risk, only huge life-changing upside potential, and I could resume my previous course without any more effort than I was already putting forth.

That is when I made the decision to take the trip and bought a one-way ticket to Europe. I started planning my adventures and eliminating my physical and psychological baggage. None of my disasters came to pass, and my life has been a near fairy tale since. The business did better than ever, and I practically forgot about it as it financed my travels around the world in style for 15 months.

Uncovering Fear Disguised as Optimism

“There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, ‘Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,’ and an optimist who says, ‘Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine any way.’ Either way, nothing happens.”
— Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia

Fear comes in many forms, and we usually don’t call it by its four-letter name. Fear itself is quite fear-inducing. Most intelligent people in the world dress it up as something else: optimistic denial.

Most who avoid quitting their jobs entertain the thought that their course will improve with time or increases in income. This seems valid and is a tempting hallucination when a job is boring or uninspiring instead of pure hell. Pure hell forces action, but anything less can be endured with enough clever rationalization.

Do you really think it will improve or is it wishful thinking and an excuse for inaction? If you were confident in improvement, would you really be questioning things so? Generally not. This is fear of the unknown disguised as optimism.

Are you better off than you were one year ago, one month ago, or one week ago?

If not, things will not improve by themselves. If you are kidding yourself, it is time to stop and plan for a jump. Barring any James Dean ending, your life is going to be LONG. Nine to five for your working lifetime of 40–50 years is a long-ass time if the rescue doesn’t come. About 500 months of solid work.

How many do you have to go? It’s probably time to cut your losses.

””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Someone Call the Maître D’

“You have comfort. You don’t have luxury. And don’t tell me that money plays a part. The luxury I advocate has nothing to do with money. It cannot be bought. It is the reward of those who have no fear of discomfort.” 
—JEAN COCTEAU, French poet, novelist, boxing manager, and filmmaker, whose collaborations were the inspiration for the term “surrealism ” 

Sometimes timing is perfect. There are hundreds of cars circling a parking lot, and someone pulls out of a spot 10 feet from the entrance just as you reach his or her bumper. Another Christmas miracle!

Other times, the timing could be better. The phone rings during sex and seems to ring for a half hour. The UPS guy shows up 10 minutes later. Bad timing can spoil the fun.

Jean-Marc Hachey landed in West Africa as a volunteer, with high hopes of lending a helping hand. In that sense, his timing was great.

He arrived in Ghana in the early 1980s, in the middle of a coup d’état, at the peak of hyperinflation, and just in time for the worst drought in a decade. For these same reasons, some people would consider his timing quite poor from a more selfish survival standpoint.

He had also missed the memo. The national menu had changed, and they were out of luxuries like bread and clean water. He would be surviving for four months on a slush-like concoction of corn meal and spinach. Not what most of us would order at the movie theater.

“WOW, ‘I’ CAN ‘SURVIVE.”

Jean-Marc had passed the point of no return, but it didn’t matter.

After two weeks of adjusting to the breakfast, lunch, and dinner (Mush à la Ghana), he had no desire to escape. The most basic of foods and good friends proved to be the only real necessities, and what would seem like a disaster from the outside was the most life – affirming epiphany he ’d ever experienced: The worst really wasn’t that bad. To enjoy life, you don’t need fancy nonsense, but you do need to control your time and realize that most things just aren’t as serious as you make them out to be.

Now 48, Jean – Marc lives in a nice home in Ontario, but could live without it. He has cash, but could fall into poverty tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter. Some of his fondest memories still include nothing but friends and gruel. He is dedicated to creating special moments for himself and his family and is utterly unconcerned with retirement. He’s already lived 20 years of partial retirement in perfect health.

Don’t save it all for the end. There is every reason not to.

””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

Q&A: QUESTIONS AND ACTIONS

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
—Mark Twain

If you are nervous about making the jump or simply putting it off out of fear of the unknown, here is your antidote. Write down your answers, and keep in mind that thinking a lot will not prove as fruitfulor as prolific as simply brain vomiting on the page. Write and do not edit—aim for volume. Spend a few minutes on each answer.

  1. Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering. What doubt, fears, and “what-ifs” pop up as you consider the big changes you can—or need—to make? Envision them in painstaking detail. Would it be the end of your life? What would be the permanent impact, if any, on a scale of 1–10? Are these things really permanent? How likely do you think it is that they would actually happen?
  2. What steps could you take to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing, even if temporarily? Chances are, it’s easier than you imagine. How could you get things back under control?
  3. What are the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent, of more probable scenarios? Now that you’ve defined the nightmare, what are the more probable or definite positive outcomes, whether internal (confidence, self-esteem, etc.) or external? What would the impact of these more likely outcomes be on a scale of 1–10? How likely is it that you could produce at least a moderately good outcome? Have less intelligent people done this before and pulled it off?
  4. If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control? Imagine this scenario and run through questions 1–3 above. If you quit your job to test other options, how could you later get back on the same career track if you absolutely had to?
  5. What are you putting off out of fear? Usually, what we most fear doing is what we most need to do. That phone call, that conversation, whatever the action might be—it is fear of unknown outcomes that prevents us from doing what we need to do. Define the worst case, accept it, and do it. I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. As I have heard said, a person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have. Resolve to do one thing every day that you fear. I got into this habit by attempting to contact celebrities and famous business people for advice.
  6. What is it costing you—financially, emotionally, and physically—to postpone action? Don’t only evaluate the potential downside of action. It is equally important to measure the atrocious cost of inaction. If you don’t pursue those things that excite you, where will you be in one year, five years, and ten years? How will you feel having allowed circumstance to impose itself upon you and having allowed ten more years of your finite life to pass doing what you know will not fulfill you? If you telescope out 10 years and know with 100% certainty that it is a path of disappointment and regret, and if we define risk as “the likelihood of an irreversible negative outcome,” inaction is the greatest risk of all.
  7. What are you waiting for? If you cannot answer this without resorting to the previously rejected concept of good timing, the answer is simple: You’re afraid, just like the rest of the world. Measure the cost of inaction, realize the unlikelihood and repairability of most missteps, and develop the most important habit of those who excel and enjoy doing so: action.

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The above has been adapted from chapters in The 4-Hour Workweek and Tools of Titans.

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Tools of Titans: Brené Brown Distilled and Other Goodies

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“He or she who is willing to be the most uncomfortable is not only the bravest but rises the fastest.”
– Brené  Brown

Dr. Brené  Brown (@BreneBrown) is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Brené’s 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, has been viewed more than 31 million times and is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world.

She has spent the past 13 years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Brené is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, and Rising Strong.

This episode turned into a therapy session of sorts for me because I felt like I needed a lot of help related to topics she explored. I thought I would give you a sample of some of the highlights — the things I applied to my own life and have revisited many times since. It’s really a sample of my new book Tools of Titans.

Please enjoy this distilled collection of highlights from Dr. Brené Brown. Be sure to stay tuned for a surprise at the end!

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#207: Tools of Titans: Brené Brown Distilled and Other Goodies
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Want to hear another podcast with Brené Brown? — Listen to her first appearance on my show.  In this episode, we discuss vulnerability, schools of philosophy, and creating a home run TED Talk (stream below or right-click here to download):

#100: Brené Brown on Vulnerability and Home Run TED Talks
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This podcast is brought to you by Audible. I have used Audible for years, and I love audiobooks. I have two to recommend:

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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

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The Magic of Mindfulness: Complain Less, Appreciate More, and Live a Better Life

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Photo: Susan Burdick

Photo: Susan Burdick

 

This is another special (and short) episode of The Tim Ferriss Show.  In this episode, I share my personal experiences, apps, tools, and best practices for cultivating “mindfulness,” which I’ll define.

When I talk about strategies for better living, I usually focus on effectiveness and efficiency. For a good life, these are necessary but not sufficient.

“Mindfulness,” the third leg of the stool, is far more difficult for me and most type-A personalities.  There are many definitions of mindfulness, but for the sake of our discussion, think of it as a present-state awareness that helps you to be non-reactive.

Why is mindfulness essential? First, achievement without appreciation is a Pyrrhic victory, and mindfulness helps cultivate appreciation. Put another way, if you can’t be happy with what you have, you’ll never be made happy by what you get. Second and related, after just a week of mindfulness practice, you will complain less, react less, and more effectively fill your life with what’s important and valuable to you.

Here are the tools and techniques I use to put this into practice…

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#122: The Magic of Mindfulness: Complain Less, Appreciate More, and Live a Better Life
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Want to hear another podcast regarding morning rituals? — Listen to my conversations with Tony Robbins. In this episode, we discuss his morning routines, peak performance, and mastering money (stream below right click here for part 1 and here for part 2 to download):

Ep 37: Tony Robbins on Morning Routines, Peak Performance, and Mastering Money
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Ep 38: Tony Robbins (Part 2) on Morning Routines, Peak Performance, and Mastering Money
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Check out wealthfront.com/tim, take their risk assessment quiz, which only takes 2-5 minutes, and they’ll show you—for free–exactly the portfolio they’d put you in. If you want to just take their advice and do it yourself, you can. Or, as I would, you can set it and forget it.  Well worth a few minutes: wealthfront.com/tim.

QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What mindfulness practices have you implemented that made a significant impact on your happiness? Please let me know in the comments.

Scroll below for links and show notes…

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Tara Brach on Meditation and Overcoming FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

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The Tim Ferriss Show with Tara Brach

“Meditation is evolution’s strategy to bring out our full potential.”
– Tara Brach

Tara Brach (@TaraBrach) is a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and one of the leading teachers of Buddhist thinking and meditation in the Western world.

She is the founder of the Insight Meditation Community in Washington, D.C. and her lectures are downloaded hundreds of thousands of times each month at tarabrach.com.

I was first introduced to Tara’s work by another guest on this podcast, Maria Popova. Soon thereafter, a friend and neuroscience Ph.D. recommended her book, Radical Acceptance, as life-changing. It exceeded all expectations.

It’s my hope that this tactical conversation offers you techniques for addressing loneliness, anger, self-hatred, the “trance of unworthiness,” and much more. Tara’s had a measurable impact on my life, and I wish the same for you.

For those who know my fondness for Stoic philosophy, I think Tara’s work is a fantastic compliment to Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and other favorites.

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#94: Tara Brach on Meditation and Overcoming FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)
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Want to hear the episode in which I learned about Tara Brach for the first time? — Listen to my conversations with Maria Popova of BrainPickings.com. In this episode, we discuss writing, workflow, and workarounds (stream below or right-click here to download):

Ep 39: Maria Popova on Writing, Work Arounds, and Building BrainPickings.org
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This podcast is brought to you by Vimeo Pro, which is the ideal video hosting platform for entrepreneurs. In fact, a bunch of my start-ups are already using Vimeo Pro. WealthFront uses it to explain how WealthFront works. TaskRabbit uses it to tell the company’s story. There are many other names who you would recognize among their customers (AirBnB, Etsy, etc.) Why do they use it? Vimeo Pro provides enterprise level video hosting for a fraction of the usual cost. Features include:

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QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What type of meditation have you tried? If you find meditation difficult, what are your barriers? Please let me know in the comments.

Scroll below for links and show notes…

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