“Anything other than a ‘whole-body yes’ is a no.”— Diana Chapman
Diana Chapman is a co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and a co-author of the book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. Her passion is to help organizational leaders and their teams eliminate drama in the workplace and beyond. She has worked with more than 1,000 CEOs and is a well-respected facilitator for the Young Presidents Organization (YPO), working with their forums and chapters worldwide.
She has been a speaker at TEDx, Mindful Leadership Summit, Wisdom 2.0, Stanford Graduate School of Business, and more.
When Diana is not with her clients, she can often be found gardening at her suburban homestead in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California. She lives there with her husband of over 30 years.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear an episode with Diana’s Conscious Leadership Group Co-Founder? Listen to my conversation with Jim Dethmer, in which we discuss coping with stressful and disturbing thoughts, avoiding drama-based conflict in close relationships, becoming emotionally literate, accepting radical responsibility, co-commitment over codependence, and much more.
15 COMMITMENTS REMINDERS QUESTIONS
Step 2 Set one or more reminders from the 15 Commitments Questions list below
Mind Jogger: open the app and click the plus “+” sign to set a reminder.
Randomly RemindMe: view the tutorial here.
Step 3 Decide how often you want the app to notify you (be honest!)
Make an agreement with yourself that when the reminder pops up, you’ll check in with yourself and consider the question with your head, heart, and body. You can add your name to the beginning of each question to personalize it or not. We recommend asking the question between three to seven times a day.
Step 4 Switch to new question/s
When you’re naturally integrating the question/s into your daily practice, change the question/s to build more awareness in other areas. Consider starting with one question for a week, starting at the top of the list, and then replace it with a question from the next commitment the following week.
15 Commitments Questions
Where are you? Are you above or below the line?
Are you taking 100% responsibility right now? (no more and no less) Are you blaming or complaining about anyone or anything?
Are you wanting to be right about anything right now?
What feeling/s are you feeling right now? Where do you feel them in your body?
Is there anything that you’re concealing right now from anyone? Do you have any withholds right now?
Are you willing to tell the complete truth right now?
Are you gossiping instead of communicating directly to the person with whom you have an issue?
Are you asking others to communicate their issues directly?
Do you have a whole body yes to what you’re doing right now? Are there any agreements that are not clear, that you’ve broken, or someone has broken with you?
What do you appreciate right now? Who do you appreciate right now? Consider sharing it with them right now.
Are you in your zone of genius, excellence, competence, or incompetence right now?
How can you get into a state of play right now? How can you rest for at least 30 seconds right now?
How could you see the opposite of a story you’re believing right now?
Are you willing to source your approval, control, and security from within right now?
Are you experiencing enough of everything right now, especially time? Reminder: Keep your attention out of the past and future.
Are you willing to see everyone and everything in front of you as an ally right now? How are they
perfectly suited for your learning and growth?
How can you create a win-for-all right now with no compromise?
What do you see as missing around you? Are you willing to be that right now?
SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
- Connect with the Conscious Leadership Group:
- The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp | Amazon
- Q&A with Diana Chapman on Conscious Leadership | Criteo
- Hendricks Institute
- Karpman Drama Triangle | Wikipedia
- Tribe of Mentors: Short Life Advice from the Best in the World by Timothy Ferriss | Amazon
- Jim Dethmer — How to Shift from Victim Consciousness, Reduce Drama, Practice Candor, Be Fully Alive, and More | The Tim Ferriss Show #434
- Mind Those Q’s | Think Shift
- Whole Body Yes | The Conscious Leadership Group
- Miracle (2004) | Prime Video
- The Work of Byron Katie
- Some Practical Thoughts on Suicide | Tim Ferriss
- Fear-Setting: The Most Valuable Exercise I Do Every Month | Tim Ferriss
- Feeding Your Demons: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict by Tsultrim Allione | Amazon
- Mind Jogger for iOS | LeStro’s Apps
- How to Assess Self-Awareness in a Hiring Interview | Conscious Leadership Group Blog
- The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks | Amazon
- Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks | Amazon
- The Genius Zone: The Breakthrough Process to End Negative Thinking and Live in True Creativity by Gay Hendricks | Amazon
- What gift from Diana’s brother-in-law turned her from a scrapbooking stay-at-home mom into someone who inspires self-made billionaires like Dustin Moskovitz? [05:22]
- What is the Drama Triangle, why is it called this, and how might someone use it? [08:59]
- What is the whole-body yes (or no), and how can it serve us? [15:37]
- Diana guides us through an experience designed to help us pay better attention to our whole-body yes (or no). [18:10]
- An inventory of observations I made during this exercise, and how Diana recommends using this inventory. [26:40]
- How might someone who mutes their desire to celebrate as a way to protect against disappointment foster more playfulness in their life? As an aside, is this playfulness intrinsic to Diana, or did she have to develop it? [33:42]
- Diana’s business partner says she has a “black belt in practicing candor” and knows how to apply loving pressure. How did one of her best-remembered voicemail messages illustrate this? [40:31]
- How does Diana think about loving pressure, and how does she recommend bringing it into a relationship? [41:40]
- In what way might you apply loving pressure to a person or group of people you don’t know very well? [45:27]
- How does Diana guide someone through the kind of introspection that leads to life-changing perspective shifts? In what ways does she use Byron Katie’s “turnarounds” as a valuable part of her toolkit? [47:11]
- Diana guides me through a turnaround. [49:51]
- An aside: A turnaround isn’t designed to invalidate the inspected belief (because parts of it might serve a purpose), but to identify and embrace alternatives. [56:01]
- Processing the belief on an intellectual level is just part of the equation. Here’s why introducing the somatic into the picture is crucial, and what Diana suggests to do if you’re having trouble with this step. [1:01:09]
- Who is the witness, and how do they figure into this process? [1:03:50]
- Walking the line. [1:05:57]
- What it means to welcome the opportunity of learning from the experience (even if it’s not the preferred experience). [1:07:43]
- This isn’t necessarily the best tool to use if you’re dysregulated in the moment. Here are some other suggestions. [1:09:38]
- What risks have Diana and her husband Matt been willing to take in order to keep the relationship alive and vital, growing, and intimate? Who initiated the first difficult conversation necessary for change to happen? [1:11:34]
- During this time, how did Diana figure out who she needed to be? [1:17:14]
- How can a couple in such a position be prepared to navigate these kinds of decision points together? [1:19:14]
- Examples of commitments as outlined in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. [1:21:45]
- What is the Mind Jogger app, and how does Diana use it with the commitments? [1:25:25]
- How assessing self-awareness in a hiring interview can be applied to situations that have nothing to do with a job hunt. [1:27:58]
- Books most gifted. [1:29:56]
- Parting thoughts. [1:31:38]
MORE DIANA CHAPMAN QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW
“I feel pretty heartbroken these days about the drama that is happening amongst us. And I’m actually grateful for the heartbreak because it’s helping me connect more with love. “
— Diana Chapman
“I have a preference for a lot more play and creativity and togetherness and curiosity that I find when we drop the drama.”
— Diana Chapman
“If we start to drop into the body and pay attention, it’s got a lot of guidance for us, as does our emotions, as does our intellect.”
— Diana Chapman
“Anything other than a whole-body yes is a no.”
— Diana Chapman
“One of the easiest, quickest forms of play is to exaggerate where you’re at. So make wherever you’re at bigger.”
— Diana Chapman
“Don’t have any expectations.”
— Diana Chapman
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