Tim Ferriss

December 27, 2024

Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More (#784)

“This feels hard because it is hard, not because I’m doing something wrong.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

Dr. Becky Kennedy (@DrBeckyAtGoodInside) is the founder and CEO of Good Inside, a parenting movement that disrupts conventional parenting practices by empowering parents to become sturdy, confident leaders and raise sturdy, confident kids. Good Inside currently has members across more than 100 countries and millions of followers across social media platforms, including nearly 3M followers on Instagram alone. Good Inside released a mobile app that serves as a “24/7 parenting coach,” offering personalized, age-based support and an AI Chatbot trained on Dr. Becky’s entire library of content.

Dr. Becky is also behind the #1 New York Times bestselling book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, a chart-topping podcast, a TED talk with nearly 4 million views on the power of repair, and an upcoming children’s book, That’s My Truck! A Good Inside Story About Hitting.

Please enjoy!

This episode is brought to you by GiveWell.org charity research and effective giving, Wealthfront high-yield cash account, and AG1 all-in-one nutritional supplement.

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Castbox, YouTube Music, Amazon Music, Audible, or on your favorite podcast platform. Watch the interview on YouTube here.

The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.

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#784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More

This episode is brought to you by GiveWell.org! For more than ten years, GiveWell.org has helped donors find the charities and projects that save and improve lives most per dollar. GiveWell spends over 30,000 hours each year researching charitable organizations and only recommends a few of the highest-impact, evidence-backed charities they’ve found. Any of my listeners who become new GiveWell donors will have their first donation matched up to $100 when you go to GiveWell.org and select “PODCAST” and “The Tim Ferriss Show” at checkout.

This episode is brought to you by AG1! I get asked all the time, “If you could use only one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually AG1, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. And right now, when you first subscribe to AG1, you’ll get an AG1 Welcome Kit, a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2, a Morning Person hat, AND you’ll get to try each new flavor of AG1 and their new sleep supplement, AGZ. That’s $126 in free gifts for new subscribers! Visit DrinkAG1.com/Tim to claim this special offer today

This episode is brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront is a financial services platform that offers services to help you save and invest your money. Right now, you can earn a 3.25% base APY—that’s the Annual Percentage Yield—with the Wealthfront Cash Account from its network of program banks. That’s nearly eight times more interest than an average savings account at a bank, according to FDIC.gov as of 12/15/2025 (Wealthfront’s 3.25% APY vs. 0.40% average savings rate). Right now, for a limited time, Wealthfront is offering new clients an additional 0.65% boost over the base rate for three months, meaning you can get 3.90% APY, limited to $150,000 in deposits. Terms & Conditions apply. Visit Wealthfront.com/Tim to get started.

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Want to hear another podccast episode that focuses on education and the intricacies of parenting? Listen to my conversation with New York Times bestselling author Jessica Lahey, in which we discussed confidence vs. competence when trying to foster a child’s self-esteem, why instilling hope in a child is so crucial to their lifelong well-being, books and activities that keep Jessica aligned along the path of hope and optimism, advice for parents who get the dreaded phone call that their child has been caught up in non-ideal behavior, and much more.

What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.

SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE

Connect with Dr. Becky Kennedy:

SHOW NOTES

[00:06:49] The power of repair.
[00:09:44] “It’s never your fault when I yell at you.”
[00:13:49] What does it mean to be a “good” parent?
[00:15:26] Activating curiosity over judgment.
[00:18:27] Alternatives to saying “Good job” as a confidence builder.
[00:23:16] Making kids happy vs. building capability.
[00:26:44] A pilot metaphor for sturdy leadership.
[00:31:56] Role confusion.
[00:34:30] Defining boundaries.
[00:38:44] How parenting becomes a two-way mirror for growth.
[00:43:46] The MGI (Most Generous Interpretation) approach.
[00:46:29] Biggest challenges in parenting.
[00:50:29] Recommended reading for someone with kids in their life.
[00:55:49] Advisable prerequisites for singles who aim to build a family.
[00:59:55] Setting boundaries with grandparents and dealing with different parenting styles.
[01:05:18] Handling frustration when a child is pushing your buttons.
[01:13:35] Lessons learned from working with eating disorders.
[01:17:03] Managing troublemaker behavior.
[01:21:14] Bad influence intervention.
[01:26:28] Cultivating resilience in “deeply feeling” kids (DFKs).
[01:32:35] The trials and errors that birthed Good Inside.
[01:36:30] “Our words are not our wishes. Our words are our fears.”
[01:43:44] Billboard messages and mantras.
[01:51:37] Fan-favorite scripts on saying no, boundaries, and repair.
[01:54:52] The tennis court metaphor for boundaries.
[01:59:22] Resources and parting thoughts.

MORE DR. BECKY KENNEDY QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW

“Parenting doesn’t come naturally. The only thing that comes naturally is how you were parented.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“What scares you does not scare me. … What a sturdy leader really does is they say to you, ‘I see what’s happening for you. I see your feelings as real and your feelings don’t overwhelm me.’”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“This feels hard because it is hard, not because I’m doing something wrong.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“We were never meant to parent on instinct alone.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“When we’re completely out of control and overwhelmed and we scream things out in that state, our words are not our wishes; our words are our fears.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“Do not deprive my child of finding their capability. Do not steal it. Do not steal their capability. A kid doesn’t feel capable when they do something easy.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“Kids develop capability after watching themselves survive something that was really difficult and just get through it.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“Our body has this remarkable way to act out conflict if we don’t kind of understand it and resolve it.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

“The most under-utilized strategy in parenting—and this sounds like a joke, but I do want to name it to make it official—is doing nothing.”
— Dr. Becky Kennedy

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Rolands Jegorovs

11 months ago

I’m writing this as part of my 2024 review. Your podcast has been my companion for over 5 years at this point. I’ve found a friend, a guide, a therapist and a professor, a coach, all in one place. It’s been a true compass at certain times. Each episode I consider as a small sized book. The notes made for each episode are tremendously helpful for long form interviews because, while I could take notes and follow up myself, it would exhaust me and I’d lose motivation to do so eventually I believe.

I’ve also enjoyed seeing the you grow and develop vulnerability with the listeners and guests. I hope you find what you’re looking for whether that’d be children of your own or a partner to share laughs with.

It’s strange… While we might never meet in real life, I feel like we would easily become friends. I’d certainly drink a beer with you. I don’t know why but this brought a tear to my eyes. Weird how people right next to you might as well be ghosts but strangers thousands of miles away can feel like true friends. Thank you, Tim and the team behind what you do. Good luck in 2025 and beyond!

Last edited 11 months ago by Rolands Jegorovs

McCheers

11 months ago

As I was brushing my teeth yesterday morning, I entertained your question around what constitutes sturdy leadership. Were my would-be kids to ask me this, what would I say? Prioritizing dialogue over didacticism, I could throw the question back at them to get their direct perspective on times they see me and don’t see me as a sturdy leader. I thought I might share more than some sentences, perhaps even the impetus for writing this at all.. but I’ll KISS.

There’s a suggestion in the podcast that I ardently approach with caution. So, for me, part of being sturdy means recognizing each situation as its own, even if it means at times considering something alternative to the work of those you might otherwise wholly admire and readily follow. Everyone knows there are no blanket interpretations, but trusting one’s own judgment is often relegated to ever-present noise and a tendency for gross extrapolation and desire for some consistency. I learned very early on to view input as always from a specific worldview and based on a set of known experiences. Just as romantic partners have different love languages, so do children.

In terms of positive indicators in dating, for one, if one brazenly leads with status and wealth, I’m immediately attuned to it. Might such representation of ego suggest some absence of sturdiness? More generally, who seeks recognition to take pride in themselves? There’s a difference between craving and appreciating.

Being unbothered with being understood, particularly where irrelevant, signifies sturdiness, and reflexive stupid curiosity resulting in overstepping boundaries signifies a lack thereof. I believe sturdiness requires being simultaneously and equally steadfast and carefree, engaging and disengaging with ease. Imagine a golden eagle!

“Saudade” Qelaion
—happy new year 🙂

Kevin Brennan

11 months ago

Of many favorites of all time, this was a favorite episode of all time! I scribbled on ream of notes on so many themes from the relationship between ease, capability and anxiety through the sad-but-true observation that holding nuance is increasingly difficult in this world. The segment on sturdy leadership, how to set boundaries and three versions of an airline pilot in a scarey moment is a gem. And the important concept of “most generous interpretation”. Thank you Tim, thank you Dr. Becky!

Leslie Lindeman

11 months ago

Hi Tim,

When my 25 year-old son heard you were thinking about becoming a dad, he said to me, “You should talk to him.”

So this is my offer of a (private) conversation on fatherhood.

I was a stay-home dad for more than 20 years. Together with my wife, I successfully raised two kids — my son and a daughter, 29. The fact that they are solid, accomplished people is rewarding, but what makes us different as parents, and me as a dad, is that we managed the paradox of being consistently present while staying the hell out of the way thus allowing them to become who they are.

What makes us different as a family is the result: we legitimately like each other. We’re in business together. We eat dinner together several times a week, and we have for more than a quarter century.

Over Thanksgiving we went to Canada for a four-day psylocibin journey. People find it remarkable that our kids are in their 20’s, and cool, and they still want to hang with us.

Of course, it hasn’t all been seashells and balloons. Most of the time I was raising them, I was not pleased with my lot. (Interesting story for another time: how an ibogaine journey in Mexico helped lift me out of a serious depression.) Being a stay-home father was not cool when I was doing it. It took me a long time to understand that my ability to calm an overmatched stranger’s freaked-out baby on a redeye to Chicago was a super-power, not a badge of dishonor.

So this thing you are considering — fatherhood — I’ve done it. Both well, and miserably. If you would like to have a conversation with a dad who has been to the top of the mountain and can share about it, I’d love to talk.

Dr. Becky is excellent. The episode is invaluable. Also, there is a vast and rich world beyond strategies.

It’s like this. You’ve got the key to the strategy closet. (Interview: 1:00:00 mark) You open it. You see the strategies on the shelf. They’re great. Grab a couple. Now guess what? The wall holding the shelf? That’s a false wall. Find the button, the lever, the hinge. It might take a minute. Then the wall opens. In there, that’s where the magic is.

For clarity, I don’t need or want anything from you. My wife is a film and television producer, so I understand the downside of being well-known.

Reach out any time. In any case, all the best. I’m excited for you and confident you’re going to be a great dad.

In friendship and appreciation,

— Leslie Lindeman

Rose Matzkin

11 months ago

The main takeaway I got from Dr. Becky’s approach is to treat your children like people you love.

I found myself saying “yes!” out loud while listening–I’ve never heard someone describe so perfectly the kind of parent and person I want to be.

The one question I had coming out of this episode was how to not parent for compliance…and then you did the Sovereign Child episode haha. Lots to think about–thank you so much for these conversations, it’s such a privilege to listen along.