The thought-awareness bracelet and the latest straw that broke the camel’s back.
“This $@#&ing Mac will be the death of me. Intuitive, my ass.”
It just slipped out, and I don’t think I can be blamed. I was ready to leave the PC behind and take my mac overseas for the first time when I couldn’t figure out how to resize photos. On a friggin’ mac? I felt swindled. I also now had to move the bracelet.
For the last four months, I’ve been experimenting with a few types of thought experiments. The two most notable are Radical Honesty, which is 100% guaranteed to get you slapped or worse, and anti-complaining, which I’ll explain here. The latter started in my book agent’s office, where I spotted a pile of purple bracelets on his desk…
“What are these?” I grabbed one and it was inscribed with ‘acomplaintfreeworld.org.’
“Another author of mine. Interesting story, actually.”
And it was. The author was Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister who had recognized — as I have in a previous post — that word choice determines thought choice, which determines emotions and actions. It’s not enough to just decide you’ll stop using certain words, though. It requires conditioning.
Will designed a solution in the form of a simple purple bracelet, which he offered to his congregation with a challenge: go 21 days without complaining. Each time one of them complained, they had to switch the bracelet to their other wrist and start again from day 0. It was simple but effective metacognitive awareness training.
The effects were immediate and life-changing.
The bracelets spread like wildfire as others observed these transformations, and, to date, more than 5,900,000 people have requested the little devices.
“Can I have one?” I asked my agent.
It all made perfect sense. Fix the words and you fix the thoughts. I’m not a negative person, but I wanted to cut out the commiserating most of us use for 30-40% of all conversation (if you don’t believe me, keep track of how many people start conversations with you in the next 24 hours that center on a complaint or criticism).
I made it 11 days on the first attempt, then I slipped. Back to zero. Then it was two or three days at a time for about a month. Once I cleared 21 days at around month 3, I no longer needed the bracelet. I’m using the bracelet again now because I’m preparing for some large projects I expect to be challenging enough for Cornholio-style meltdowns.
But what is a complaint?
This is where I disagree with some of the rules set by Will. He asks you to switch wrists whenever you gossip, criticize, or complain, and the definitions can be a bit vague. He also requires you to switch wrists if you inform someone else they are complaining. I think this is counterproductive, as I’m big on constructive criticism.
I defined “complaining” for myself as follows: describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem. I later added the usual 4-letter words and other common profanity as complaint qualifiers, which forced me to reword, thus forcing awareness and more precise thinking.
Following the above definition, both of the following would require a wrist switch:
“Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude jerk for 30 minutes. What a waste of time.”
or
“John can be such an a**hole. Totally uncalled for.”
The following variations would not:
“Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude guy for 30 minutes. It was a waste of time. From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.”
“John was a bit of muppet in there, wasn’t he? I suppose I’ll just send the e-mails directly to Mary in engineering for the next two weeks to get buy-in, then he’ll have to agree.”
Here are a few of the changes I noticed then and am noticing again now:
1) My lazier thinking evolved from counterproductive commiserating to reflexive systems thinking. Each description of a problem forced me to ask and answer: What policy can I create to avoid this in the future?
2) I was able to turn off negative events because the tentative solution had been offered instead of giving them indefinite mental shelf-life (and “open loop” in GTD parlance), resulting in better sleep and more pleasant conversations with both friends and business partners.
3) People want to be around action-oriented problem solvers. Training yourself to offer solutions on-the-spot attracts people and resources.
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For those interested in the more sophisticated applications and results of the the no-complaint thought experiment, I recommend you order a copy of A Complaint-Free World. I received an advanced copy and finished it in one afternoon, ending up with two pages of notes.
Want to take the 21-day no-complaint challenge for a test drive now?
Last a friend checked, the bracelets had a 3-5-month waiting period, but a rubber band or other bracelet will suffice. If you want the real deal, I have four bracelets that I will mail (might take a bit, as I’m leaving the country Friday) to the best four commenters below who answer the question:
What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
As you said, this is one hell of an eye opening metacognitive exercise. Being aware of your thoughts, and how they translate into your mood and actions, can result in huge improvements in your life. 21 days of no-complaining can easily segway into "21 Days Of (insert habit here) Change". Educating high school students about metacognition should be as mandatory as Math and Science.
I think that the "poor me" people should use a bracelet. Every time they see life as attacking them they should switch it to the other wrist as it is suggested with the complaining bracelet. I know a lot of people who have been dealt some ugly cards in life (haven't we all) and they see it as life is attacking them. I personally have lost my mother when I was a very young girl and I took that and made my life better because of it. Whereas my sister is a "poor me" person as described above. She feels as though everyone should feel sorry for her and doesn't take life in her own hands. I TRY to look at every bad experience and think about how I can turn it into something positive. Out of everything that has ever happened to me that was bad some good came out of it eventually. Although there are many things that you have no control over in life you can change your mind and how you react to the curve balls life throws you. If you used a bracelet or any other way of acknowledging it whether it be a journal or anything for that matter I think that people would be more positive because they could see the negativity for what it is when it appears.
Great article as always. I think just being conscious of your own state of mind and thought process is key. A reminder like this keeps the positive outlook on the forefront of your mind at all times. The best intentions can easily be pushed to the back of the brain before they become part of your habits. I want to start the experiment tomorrow. You cannot control the world around you but you can always control your reaction to it. Something that I constantly have to remind myself and work on.
Oooh! I have taken this one – but only via my word. I am adding a bracelet today. Q1: I think people should stop being afraid to ask deep questions of others. There are entire topics that for most people are "off topic" and they are the meaty-est to delve into and really get to know someone. My dad told me once to not mention my sex problems with my father-in-law (husband's father). I didn't do as he suggested. It was the most eye-opening conversation for both me and my father-in-law; I learned things that my husband doesn't know about his own dad! How to train yourself? Turn it into a game. How quickly can you "get" the other person's point of view, so that they feel heard more deeply than ever before? You'll know when they say just that, and they are moved, touched, and inspired. (Or they no longer are so stuck on their point of view). It's a moving game for the listener (you), too. Combining my suggestion with your no-complaint suggestion could really transform conversations around religion, politics, immigration, defense, sex, etc. Talk about solutions and NEW conversations! Q2: I would hold a scavenger hunt that had a twitter component. I held a scavenger in South Boston summer 2012 and it was a blast. We combined regular hunt to-dos with historical places people had to visit. A lil' educational! My budget was $150 (which we didn't meet). I love active group games and even the stuffiest of adults will do a silly pose with a "new friend" or run a half mile to a historical location to win a point. Extra points to share your silliness on twitter/vine/instagram? Fun for the VIPs and for their followers 😉 Great questions! Thanks for the creative juice, Tim.
I made silicone wristbands as a reminder of my cousin who attempted suicide and I am wearing it all time… I really miss her and I don't want this to happen in anyone’s life….
Great tips you got there. For me, marketing is a tough industry and your tips nailed them completely. Bookmarked on this and definitely coming back for more! Of course, keep up the good work too.
Great tips here!
Worst habit most people need to change is taking out their cellphones during slight lulls in conversation or worse…mid conversation. People need to get more comfortable with not having some form of constant stimulation.
We often hear the phrase, "change your thoughts, change your life." While this is true because life is consciousness, a more accurate statement is, "change your thoughts, change your behavior, change your life." Thinking doesn't necessarily make it so, but it's the first place to start. We must be willing to move our feet! Oh … and cognitive behavioral techniques rule for a reason! They bring attention to what your thinking, then give you a pattern interrupt to make a physical (behavioral) change.
I think a behaviour that could be worked on is blaming other people/things/circumstances for things that have happened to you. Accepting responsibility when it was your decision or choice to do something that went wrong or had a negative conclusion would be a better learning experience and lead to a quicker resolution or solution.
For me… rescuing behavior. Instead of offering an often unwanted solution to another person's problem. I'll resolve to ask them in a loving and detached fashion what might be a solution to the issue. This will keep me from getting emotionally attached to their issue, while getting a better understanding of my friend/business associate and building some real empathy and connection.
Don't have feelings about something that didn't happen.
Stop blaming others for your life circumstances, whether a person, government or corporation. To stop this behaviour you must first develop compassion for yourself, and forgive yourself for the choices that you have made to find yourself in your current situation. Through this you are free to heal, and then perceive greater possibilities for yourself which you can then manifest in your life.
I think the most destructive thoughts are self defeating thoughts. So every time I think or say that I cannot so something, or won't be able to, or will never be able to and its not based on a lack of self belief and self worth. Particularly for children, this is an important habit to break. Imagine a world where we as adults, believe we can do anything, and en-masse this becomes reality. Humanity would be so much richer. I believe it is not sufficient to have the few (Martin Luther King, Sir Edmund Hillary, Nelson Mandela for example) or should the many hold this as a core belief. This is my world changing thought of the day.
My morning mantra: No Anger; No Blame' No Guilt; No Shame; Joy in Everything.
General negativity has been a big problem for me lately. Our work environment has been rather dark considering some issues we have had working within a new business model. In these conditions, even the most positive of people have become negative. The best thing I have found to get over this is following the first rule of improv: "Yes, And…" Accept the premise and contribute more. When you are operating under circumstances you cannot control, all you can do is say yes and then try and do it the best way you can. It seems to work in my personal life, as well. I use No to push people away despite wanting to connect more. Yes, and is an adventure and when you have a group committed to it, anything could happen.
Procrastination wristband! … Just do it… Same idea really and like note number 3. It would be focused on action as opposed to procrastination
Starting a project and not finishing it because something more interesting or something with more immediate gratification came along.
I wrote a bit about this with today being National Women's day. It seems to me that many women (not all of course) have a tendency to be judgmental and competitive towards other women. Whether it is picking apart someone's looks, weight or outfit…hair color, boyfriend or religion…it is a Mean Girl's club that has many members. How to change this is…what I am doing for myself is not participating in gossip…by either changing the subject ("Look! A Squirrel!") or excusing myself ("Look at the time, gotta go!") or being straightforward ("That is really mean and I don't agree with you.") Also looking for the good in others, and offering a smile or hug or a compliment. What a wonderful world it would be if we could change this…a little Pollyannaish I know, but hey, I like Pollyanna! : -)
I personally would like to see people follow through with what they say they are going to do. If that be goals, commitments or other things they say. It isn't always enough to just write it down. When setting goals for the month week day or other time scale money or something of value can be added to a jar. Every time a task/goal or I said to someone if do that kind of statement is completed the money can come out when it isn't completed the money must stay in. At the end of each month the money or items must then be taken to a charity of choice. Or to buy the person a presant to say sorry for not doing what I said. Of course in order to be effective this should most Likly be a larger sum of money to the importance of the task or time given to complete such a task. I think this will aid in two things. People will stop saying things they have no intention of really doing. And also will help productivity and prioritisation skills.
Perfect I'm not! Instead I put values on everything. I find more control with my actions this way and should you drag an F bomb out of my month you asked for it! I thought I saw this same feature in you Tim ? Here's how COCO Chanel went about her day – "I don't care what you think about me – I don't think about you at all"!
I would use this technique to eliminate negative feedback and communications and social media. It's very easy for people to become supercritical in social media conversations. It seems as though a lot of people are offended when you do not agree with their opinion on the subject. Truth is I think a lot of people are out there looking for reasons to be offended. It's very easy to fire back with an equally negative comment. I don't believe this helps anybody. Kind of goes with the 100% honesty experiment you spoke of. 100% honesty just pisses people off. I'm learning to spread more honey and less vinegar. I would like a bracelet please.
Good post. I'm going to give that a try. What other behaviour, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? I've set myself a personal challenge to stop turning to the internet as the first port of call when solving a problem. Why? It forces you to think differently and keeps things interesting. People should keep challenging themselves, rather than Google. How could they train themselves to stop? When they reach for their phone or laptop, they should stop, and think of at least one other way they could find the answer to the same question. Just one. Then give that a go. If that doesn't work, then by all means use the net as a back-up.
People should stop getting suckered in to sharing hoaxes and false information just because it comports with their own worldview. A huge red flag should go up when you are about to hit send. People should learn to question their assumptions and read more before they embarrass themselves and worse spread false information. Last week the owner of my company sent out that Johns Hopkins Cancer hoax. He should have questioned the claim that the letter was based on official research and done a little of his own. The world would be a better place if people were less gullible.
My personal one would be saying "I can't do that" before even attempting anything new or hard. Negative self talk is a big one for me.
I think people should stop seeking outside validation. By people, I mean me. I have been finding myself depending on the validations I receive, particularly in the social media. I found a niche I'm comfortable in and am growing a following little by little, but its becoming an obsessive habit. The obsession is something I have heard others speak of, but had never experienced until I started receiving encouraging feedback that exceeded what I've seen in the past. I used to fancy myself independent and self-assured, but now I'm seeing that I have this need for others approval. I don't like it. If you or anyone reading this has suggestions for how to be more egotistical, I'd love to hear them.
I think people should stop postponing action on tasks that need handling in a chaotic way. Many tines it is OK to postpone a task but it should be decided when it will be dealt with and what is needed to deal with it. To balance postponing and not having my to do list collapse on me I developed the following system: I have a book stand on my desk with a list clamped to it with a binder clip. The paper is in an almost vertical position so I can see with a glance what is on it. On the top of the paper I write the date when the paper was changed. When something comes up that I want to postpone or deal with later I write it on the paper AND I also write the amount of time that would be needed to do the task. If the task is specially important I also add exclamation marks. Ex: Write e-mail to X about the measurements (45 min) !!! Change water filter (20 min) Create Excel document for yearly statistics (2 h) When I have some time I look over the list and scan by exclamation marks and needed time. I choose a task and not deviate from it until it is done. The finished task is crossed over on the paper. When one side of the paper is close to full I copy all the unfinished tasks on a new piece of paper and trow the old one away. The idea is to have a list shorter then one page. This is how you cane create a system to ease your memory and make you more effective.
People shouldn't stop anything… people COULD do just about anything…
My most precious and rewarding book that I have ever read is 'The Magic of Thinking Big' by David Schwartz. Its so good- it puts a smile to my face and recommend it everyone. The bracelets are a brilliant idea- just like wedding rings are a symbolic gesture of commitment (one would hope) – the bands are that totem that helps you steer and maintain the course- =) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Magic_of_Thinking_Big P.S. Seriously Tim- why are you just so awesome?
Does complaining about women count?
One important thing is – Stop being a victim! Take personal responsibility with the results you created.
One should stop thinking negatively of themselves. Simple enough?
The use of the word "should" and problem. They are disempowering. Instead use will or won't and challenge or test.
People should stop watching porn. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Masturbating can be done as much as you want, but only with the force of your own imagination. It's hard and annoying to do. Why do it? Porn (for me) has made it way harder to have orgasms in real life with real people. Also radical honesty is awesome and intense and crazy and scary, but you already mentioned that 😛 It's an uncomfortable project to do, because porn (like eating junk food or watching tv) is a habit that can easily become a reward, a routine, or a way to spend time in a pretty unconscious way. Giving it up puts pressure on you to be more conscious about using your time, and to get out an meet people and do things instead of sitting at home.
Self Deprecation. As a student I am pushing myself constantly, and I realized that I am my own worst enemy. The world is hard enough without me adding to the negativity. You have make to make the commitment to stop. Choose to quit; you are the master of your mind. Train yourself in the mind. Meditate and focus on conscious decision making. Mindfulness decision making and focused living in "right now", has made me happier and more effective in my resolve.
One of my biggest problems, and I think it may be for others too, is justifying negative behaviors to themselves. For example, eating poorly, and then telling themselves it was okay because they were under a time crunch, or too tired to cook, etc. It's simply not true. We lie to ourselves. If you make something a prority there will always be time. You MAKE time for prorities. How can I stop justifying poor behavior in myself?
Every time we tell ourselves the story of something that happened way back in the day that now blocks us from progress! Something that back then was real, because it happened, but now is just an illusion played in our mind as reality to reaffirm something we have identified with. I believe this is one that is very important to consider and this idea with the bracelet or rubber band is great for this as well!
95% of French people don't know how to say thank you. I can't stand that. Especially when you offer someone a gift or when you offer to buy them something. 1. Typical reaction : "You shouldn't have !" Why ? Because you don't like it ? Because you're not worth it ? Well I think you are. Really, I should not have been nice to you? Well it seems like I did : I did buy this present, I did invest money and/or time in this gift and it makes me happy to please you. At least until now. 2. "But I got nothing in return!" So you think I'm giving you a gift to get one in return? Didn't know it was a gift battle. How about "Thank you" for a start ? 3. "No, no, you're not inviting me for dinner." If at a restaurant, someone insists on paying the bill, ok you can resist a little but please let him or her do so. If you think he has financial difficulties, he's big enough to take responsibility for his offer of paying. And you refusing will only make him look poor in your eyes. Don't ruin someone's pleasure to please you. These 3 reactions are extremely rude to me. Why would you want to be rude to someone who has just been nice to you? As I'm also adept of constructive criticism so here are a few tips : 1. REALLY take the time to say "Thank you". Slowly said with real eye-contact, those 2 words can be highly powerful. 2. If you really want to offer something in return, then… do it. Except close relatives, no one minds a few days delay and everybody likes someone who does what he says. 3. How about : "Thank you for dinner. Next time it's on me." or "May I invite you to theatre / offer you a drink next week?" Regarding nice gestures, keep it simple : your 1st reaction must be to be grateful. Starting this 21-day experiment tommorow ! Thanks for the blog and for being awesome. And I mean it. Ciao !
The " I can't " conundrum. Just as complaining is a waste of time, all too often we reject ideas and use the self limiting phrase "I can't." Perhaps wearing a bracelet to stay aware, and replacing " I can't " with " I choose not to " would help people start realizing just how much of their potential they are limiting with "I can't." After reading the chapter " Fear Setting and escaping paralysis " in The Four Hour Workweek, I decided to face my fears, stop the endless " I can't " and quit a job I had loathed for a very long time. This self defeating thought process is just as damaging to self growth as complaining. Thank you for this Blog Post Mr. Ferriss.
You had me at Cornholio! What a perfect way to describe a meltdown. Gave me a fantastic visual. 🙂 I will put the no complaint bracelet as a task for my coaching group. Thanks for the post!
Words do indeed drive behavior, and I am a big fan of Tony Robbins and his books where he provides alternative words (saying you are a bit peeved instead of P—ssed OFF! makes a big difference in the intensity level you and others around you feel. A behavior change that would make a big difference in today's corporate culture (and at home) would be to remove ANY naysaying of other peoples ideas for 21 days. If you say, "Yes but that will never work because…..", you have to change the behavior. I have seen many people give up musical endeavors, great product ideas…..the list goes on, because of a single naysaying. I say down with naysaying!
People should not be self deprecating in their thought processes. Thinking you're not smart enough, not witty enough, fast enough, resourceful enough, etc becomes a crutch people lean on, which hobbles their progress and encourages stagnancy. I think that by adopting an empowering mantra–even if it's silly, One can boost their self esteem or give themselves the motivation to start projects or push tasks to completion. Mine is royal jelly. I read that when it's fed to a simple worker bee, it will transform her into a hive queen. I started taking it about a year ago with the mantra "imbibe the royal jelly, become the hegemon." It works for me!
hi Tim. Thank you so much for the inspiration. Your books are in good position in my favorite books' list. You asked for suggestion: here is mine. What about stopping blaming others for my failure? ( it's not my fault, the weather/the timing/my partner… was not good). This could have a great impact on mindset as well. Looking forward to your next book. Best regards. Stephanie
I think "blaming" should be stopped. For instance, "If my boss wasn't so cheap, I would be able to get a raise and buy a house", or "My boyfriend treats me like crap and that's why I don't feel good about myself." I sometimes find myself in reckless thought cycles that center around blame and as soon as I notice it, I shut it down and say to myself, "What can I do to change this?". Often times, it is a matter of speaking my truth or changing my thought process to recognize I have the power to change. Blaming others is simply a scapegoat for taking responsibilities for ones' feelings. A "blame bracelet" would be awesome! My only question about this: do you have to change wrists simply for thinking a criticism/blame? I don't often say my judgments out loud, but just thinking them makes me feel crappy. How do you catch that so you can course correct? Thanks for another awesome post, Tim!
People need to start getting straight to the point…
People should stop the negative self talk about themselves first and foremost as so you think so you will be. We project out to the outer world our inner world of thoughts which then determine our behavior. To train yourself to stop you could start with a large glass jar and fill it with a $1 when you find yourself going down the negative path. At the end of each month donate the money to a charity of your choice.
El no quejarse no es un acto de "imponerse la voluntad de no quejarse" (que de todas maneras sirve). El no quejarse, to do not complain and be able to have the peace, the space… the mind space to pause and use the correct thoughts and the correct words come from an irreversibly decision to love everything (or don't be attach to the image of oneself). —–Es que podemos amar, respetar a todos antes que nuestros deseos y nuestras necesidades? Esto es la base. El cual sobrepasa el sistema de creencias mundano en el cual estamos entrenados a vivir. We can develope the good habit to do not complain, but we may lose it very easily if we do not develop this overwhelming love for everything we touch. WE can achieve the 21 days and maybe a year, but this habit won't have the real foundation for the rest of our lives ó …. para la eternidad.
hi Tim, being a middle-aged Australian, we have this big drinking culture. Most events are centred around drinking alcohol, and every social event is. To the point where people wouldn't turn up to an event where alcohol wasn't served. I'm not talking what you would call 'rednecks' – I'm talking successful, professional people leading otherwise productive lives. Parents with families – your average middle class. Almost everyone I know drinks at least a few every day, and always at social events. Almost everyone I know would like to cut down – maybe just drink on weekends? But it's really hard having the willpower to do that. Would this be a behaviour that needs changing?
Despair is interesting. Complaint is interesting. Going to the bottom of the complaining is rather important. When you realize that something doesnt feel good, it is important to NOTICE that, and QUESTION why this is, what it really means to you, and why it is so bad. We all have an inner compass of what feels good and what feels bad. We know we prefer what feels good of course, yet Suppression hurts us in the long run, and some of us can be very good at "putting things away in a drawer and loose the key" until it comes back to us one way or another. So next time you catch yourself complaining about Anything, ask yourself what this situation means to you and why it is so bad, and go all the the way down to your core belief if you can. ( to practice this check out Teal Scott's video on "Finding Core Beliefs" at askteal.com , she explains it very well). Complaining means you have overgrown a state of being and you are about ready to move onto a new way, whether you have already identified or not what that next thing is. It is important to dare go to the "breakdown" to get to the "breakthrough", to go to the bottom of it, to be self-aware, self-responsible, and avoid walking thru life like sleepwalkers !)
It's nice to stop interpreting every statement of someone in one's own context instead of first considering the background and situation of the speaker. It gets you so much further… The training is easy: before you answer to ANYONE, first take one deep breath. That gives you enough time to reconsider.
Great post I quit swearing for one year. same principals as above, if I swore out loud I would have to start again from day zero. took me 6 attempts. The way i kept myself in check was by recording the start/restart date in my phone and making a note of it above my desk. The leverage for me was the burden of having to start again and being accountable to one trusted friend. The Results; Reduced the amount of arguments I got into to almost zero and it was very hard to offend anyone as I found it very hard to hurt anyone's feelings without swear words. Once you became self aware enough to catch yourself, before you swore out loud, the moment/event/incident that had triggered the swear word would usually have passed, resulting in a less emotive and more thought out response.
Haha. 1) picking nose in public 2) hawking up a lougie in public – spitting fine, lougie…. Eh. 3) talking loudly on the phone 4) stopping on the middle of the aisles at Costco 5) people being on the phone when it's supposed to be a social event – gtfo, talk to ppl in front you! And I just switched it lol
Instead of something to stop, try getting someone to laugh 21 days in a row? Think about ways to give good humor, not the insulting kind.
Thinking you have a better solution and realizing that you only need to receive the view point in a positive manner. THE most positive manner with "no bias attached." I realized I could save time mailing things from home or understand the environment whole mindedly when a gentlemen also completing an errand at the post office made me understand i am grateful for knowing when I focus on the positive or am neutral in the situation more often I receive more positive results. I realized in your example that I too can become a more popular me, just by following through in movements or sharing my thoughts more frequently. After the input I received from a Ball last evening I know I am already helping people. Scaling my work up is how I'll help more people and drive more people to my website that are looking for value that I provide.
What's your take on Think and Grow Rich By Napoleon Hill Or his follow up Outwitting the Devil These two classics nail it. He spent a lifetime working on the formula using similar practices – lots of research and oberservation. d his follow up Out
I believe people should stop being outraged about things. Its okay to believe in a cause (usually). It's not okay to be loud and misinformed all over the internet with it. If instead of just sharing every link with a provacative title, they read the article and then at least one other article from a diferent view point then everyone who have more clarity and there would be less misuse of hyperbole.
Silva mind control was the kind of summer entertainment I had growing up. I remember using mental white boards to effectively replace a bad habit with a good one. Also for sleeping problems. A good bad habit to get rid off could be: making assumptions as they stop us from trying out and getting to know. I like the wristband idea.
Negative thinking should be stopped. Two similar methodes can be applied: 1st Emett Fox: Mental Diet; 2nd Earl Nightinghale: The Strangest Secret in the World
HI Chris, I am going to try this starting…..now. Also, I am an Apple Distinguished Educator. I don't have all of the answers, but if you have questions while you adapt to your new computer, feel free to send them my way. I will see if my network or I can help you out. Oops, I see that you wrote this in 2007. The offer still stands 🙂 Have a great day. Thanks for all of the high-quality interviews that you have done with some of my favorite podcasters through the years. 2014 started for me with a mountain hike before sunrise listening to you via 'School of Greatness' Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Ken
I have done the Complaint Free World Program and teach it to co-workers in a Culture of Ownership workshop. I have not made it to 21 days, but I am more aware of negativity by using the bracelet. We also discovered that the bracelet may not be appropriate for some areas (we are in a hospital setting). So a good alternative is a coin or a stone that you switch in your pocket. We use the premise that it is not a complaint if you are discussing with the person that can remedy the problem. Not to someone who cannot. If you are able to remedy it yourself, there is no need to say it to someone else. Remember- if you think it, but do not say it…..it does not count. 🙂
I like the idea that people wants to be around problem solvers. It's simple but if you think about it, that's so true. Thanks for the amazing article!
A bad hbit of screaming or raising your voice to get a point across or out of anger.
I'm taking the challenge for 21 days(how ever long that takes). To stop complaining. And I'm excited to send of a thank you note every day. It will help me remember how many nice things people say and do. And help me to be more greatful for everything. Thank you
I can"t and what ever
Well, there maybe a world things to complain about but it only takes you out of position to be a winner. like I can t do that because its to hard, I am to small or if I only was big enough, or had more money, in the right place. If you fail or fall short its because you complain to much.
This lesson was meant for me. It couldn't have come at a better time. i am starting the 21 day challenge right now.
Basically my understanding of this whole concept comes from spiritual writings. Why? The basic tenet is rarely fully explained in most teachings but it is always there: in the Bible-turn the other cheek, forgive, in taoism( nurturing a positive mental outlook) in Bhuddism, show gratitude, etc —every spiritual teaching i have ever read. Many law of Attraction teachings talk all around it but rarely understand the principle themselves. The two books that gave me the most clarity are "Conversations with God" by Walsh and "Ask and It is Given"and even better a kid's book called "Sara"( see youtube for audiobook for free) both by Hicks. The basic principle is your mind creates( see double slit experiment in quantum physics for some scientific comfirmation). Positive feelings and thoughts create an energy that brings these creations to manifestation: negative ones hold them outside of manifestation. The lower worlds of experience are a balance of positive and negative yet we love to focus on the negative. The higher worlds are pure positive energy. We are here trying to EXPERIENCE in the positive and negative worlds what we KNOW in the higher positive worlds. LOVE is our highest expression and Unconditional Love is being loving in all conditions( see Jesus -crucifixion) In a nutshaell, we are in the Matrix of the lower worlds and every thought you have creates! Life is hard–it will be hard. I can't lose weight- you won't. Life is easy-it will be easy for you but it is not so simple as a superficial thought or statement. You can't just say life is easy but then act or speak like it is hard. There lies the rub with affirmations and all these other law of attraction tools. As their belief and so it was unto them.
A little late to the game, but no matter – I'd like to share my idea even though the bracelets are likely gone. I believe people should avoid habitual behaviors such as, watching TV every night, scanning Facebook before bed, playing video games, etc. Training yourself to stop would be done by setting personal goals (weekly or daily) of trying something new in place of the habitual behavior. Subsequently, the behavior would stop as people learn they enjoy new experiences over the habitual, mindless ones.
Talk to your food to eat better. Before you eat anything say out loud directly to the food, no matter who is within earshot "I'm eating this apple (or whatever it is) because I want to be healthy" or "I'm eating this double chocolate super fudgie brownie because I want to be fat as **** " trust me. It works.
"Free your mind, and your A$$ will follow" Junior, Bravo Company, 25th Infantry Division
Use this as an excuse to go meet some women… or men if that's your fancy. It doesn't say no sex, just no masturbation. The point is to quit wasting time with things that just make you feel good for a few minutes. Use this as an excuse to get away from a computer screen and find something better. You could meet someone that could potentially be your partner for life. Take note of how you feel without booze providing your courage, ask yourself why you feel that way and in turn learn yourself and better yourself. It's an experiment but the end result could be life changing.
I just LOVE this idea. I hope that it will prevent some road rage…which I am often vocal about with kids in the car. (Definite no-no…they see driving as negative.) And I may actually find some substitute and hand them out to my mommy group. The complaining never ends during a playdate, Seriously…you HATE Starbucks? Their coffee sucks, you say?! One location every other block says it doesn't, my fellow mom. I purposely did not respond to this mom, it's as if she was ready to pick a fight about the beverage king. So that's my idea for the bracelet habit to break. Don't engage with anyone who clearly WANTS to complain or fight or argue about a subject. It just brings you down. So much easier to reply "that's interesting," and turn to the other gal next to you instead. Soooooo here's my other suggestion: if I (or anyone else here) am not the winner of said bracelet, I'm going to have my 8 year old daughter make purple Rainbow Loom bracelets for the whole family (AND the moms group!) as an alternative. This is definitely a move toward the positive, Tim. You always bring good things to the table and I love your style! Keep it up! 🙂
We'll, I need this, and I am also a little confused about what constitutes complaining. Earlier today, I read a short editorial — then I applied critical thinking to identify holes in the author's logic. Was I complaining? I think critical thinking is a good thing, but perhaps it can devolve into complaining easily.
As a way to help people be more peaceful, I created a one day event on Facebook called the No Complaints Day Challenge! on 12-August. Everyone can do at least one day! It will be a good way to test and experience what is possible. I created this in honor of my mother's memory.I hope you'll join me. You can find the information on FB searching No Complaints Day Challenge! Working for a better world Thanks Joe Kirin
one of my favourite experiments was in not using a capital letter for 'i'. it de-emphasised the self at a time when i was working on zen meditation and wanted to destroy the ego. my argument was that caps gave 'i' more weight that was necessary. it's sort of stuck since, and i've ended up with a very fluid definition of self as a result, and behavioural changes don't take as much effort as there's very little ego blocking the change, and plenty of experience of overriding it. the band thing isn't new, by the way. it's a less painful version of something that aleister crowley used to do (albeit his involved slashing himself with a knife every time he used 'i' instead of 'one') that became a popular thing among chaos magicians who replaced the knife with a rubber band, and snapped it against the wrist. iirc, it was phil hine who popularised this technique. what you're talking about is a less painful variant on that technique being used to change the way that you think – or more accurately, to change the way that you model your behaviour internally and thereby lead to a change in the external expression of that behaviour. as a technique, you can apply it to any behaviour you can think of: dieting, workouts, swearing, cooking proper meals, neglecting housework/work/family – pretty much any and every behaviour that you consider negative. personally, i've found it worked best at changing the language i used, and that the language you use is intrinsically linked to the world you perceive. change your perceptions (via changing the language you use to describe them), and you change the world around you. that's why 'wizard, know thyself' is sometimes proclaimed the first rule of magick.
People should consciously stop wasting natural resources like food, water, energy n fuel . As human beings we only take things from mother earth… While all other beings take only as much as they need … We are wasteful n indulgent. A 21 day conscious control and introspection on how an individual could make 5 changes on these lines …. will help one n all !
I work at an English newspaper in Asia, and I have noticed a disturbing habit that I've developed of complaining about the news. It's my job to read it, it's inevitable (I think) that I will be emotionally triggered by it, and unfortunately it has forced some very uncomfortable frustrations in me that seem akin to xenophobia. In the news that my superiors deem fit to print, there's always a series of young girls getting raped in India. Malaysia is always institutionalizing some new form of "everyone who isn't Muslim should be silenced" law, and don't get me started on Israel and Gaza. It's emotionally draining to read about these events, and I think I complain/commiserate to dissipate the pressure that builds (unfortunately, I probably only succeed in divesting some of my frustration onto my coworkers). I bring this up because the post suggests only bringing up a "complaint" if it's followed by some sort of solution. … fat chance, right? "So what needs to happen in the Middle East is …" haha
Dear Tim, people should stop to talk about persons who are not there at the moment. kind regards ben
This is my first comment ever to your lovely blog but let me say what a great article Tim!!. Real mind control and let me say it takes also real emotional control as well. Complaining, normally comes from being not able to control frustration in certain situations, an expected appreciation, or angriness of life (maybe due to depression). Controlling the way we think, feel, and react to feelings is the key here I believe from this exercise. I can also see that the NOBNOM challenge gives the benefit of control of our mind and emotion and one-self in a form or self-discipline. Great and not easy challenge. Let me suggest another experiment of "silence". I believe in our busy lives, any person doesn't even a full minute of total silence and stillness. Hundred of Ideas and thoughts always wonder the brain even if we don't want to. What about being in a still and silent 5 min a day. At home or at every time we are in transportation. This includes being Concise about our movement and eliminate fidgeting. I did it for a full 7 days, and Let me say it infuse calmness, focus, and, patience, emotional steadiness. What you think ?!
As always, enjoying your blog Tim. Great content! Besides complaining I think it would be good to stop: 1. Inappropriate responses to statements you don't agree with such as: – agreeing with someone's opinion just to smooth the conversation – blunt or condescending remarks that show you don't respect their opinion 2. Interrupting others because you think what you have to say is more important (politely interrupting because you have to go to the bathroom would be acceptable) 3. Compromising your moral/ethical standards for a cheap laugh by: – putting others down – making inappropriate comments (i.e. Joking about plane crashes)
Oh Lord, I am #450 on the "commentator" list – you have long ago distributed your extra purple bracelets. (Sigh) (Light bulb goes on overhead). I'll find something else to use because it doesn't have to be a purple bracelet for me to be successful at this. (Sigh) I have to go buy a bracelet to use just for this challenge to work for me. (Sigh) (Light bulb goes on overhead) The magical thinking problem is something else altogether – do the no complaining thing first. Buy a bracelet at Walmart. Tell people at work what it's about (accountability). Okay, it's all good.
People should stop swearing. It displays a limited vocabulary and tells the listener nothing, other than, "I don't know what else to say/how else I can get my message across."
Great post! We can learn from emmet fox's mental diet from the 1950s. What a leader He was! Key point here is yes out words can change our thoughts. But remember.. We can't say anything unless we think it first. So, we can be even more efficient. Rather than think something negative, say it, reframe it positively verbally and change our thinking… Why not work on, fine tune, cherish how you think. Work there and there only. All words, actions, plans stem from our thoughts.. Not our Words. Care for and Lovingly guide each thought! Warmly Pamela Founder and CEO UniversalGiving [Moderator: links removed]
I believe we would all be better off not swearing or using foul language most of the time. I am not perfect and swear when I am extremely angry but really it's not something I am proud of. I know that I have picked up the foul language from people in my past and is not really true of me. So if we could all stop throwing the F word around so much and leave it out of our speech,conversations would be easier to listen to and a great deal more respectful. Don't forget our children are absorbing and copying how we talk.
Only a few years late but I'll chime in. I'd love to see a thought challenge in which you exchange the words I can't, I have to, or I need to (something along those lines) to, I choose to. Believing that you actually have a choice in your day to day life is a very powerful thing. With gratitude, Justin
What other behavior Should people stop? Being inconsiderate by being oblivious to your surroundings when you shouldn't be. Like the people in the grocery store who start fishing for their method of payment only after everything is checked out, somehow just realizing this time they will have to pay for their purchase. Every time you are inconsiderate by not paying attention, you should change the band. GM
It is easy to become a bitter person these days, especially with Facebook and other social media. I personally have become a bit of an ass, and its time for a positive change. I know it will make everyone around me alot happier too 😉
I think of this as a form of functional intelligence for any given situation this could be expressed as being observant, attentive or just to how much thought you put into a subject , there are four levels in my interpretation of this. Level 1: is oblivion where the expression:Ignorance is bliss takes on all of its sense. it is a level at which you don't even see there is a problem Level 2: is when you sense that something is amiss there is a general feeling of unease and where you just think : Well something is just not right here. Without having a clear sense of what is wrong Level 3:Is when you can clearly expose the mechanics of what isn't working and you have identified the cause(s) or the situations that are problematic.You can express them but the solution hasn't come forth yet Level 4:Is when you can bring a constructive solution after taking the time or making the mental effort to deconstruct the problem I think it is a different twist on the evolution of any skill realy… unconcious incompetence, then there is concious incompetence, folowed by concious competence and finaly unconcious competence. All that to say that you should take the time to think thru what you are going to complain about and see the process to the end to bring about a solution instead of a complaint!
I don't believe that when you fix the words you fix the thoughts. Not at all. The thoughts preceded the words – you have to first have a thought about something in order to express it. Even when you react in anger, the angry thought first formed in your head before you externalised it. I also respectfully disagree that tagging a solution at the end of your complaint isn't complaining. Complaining is expressing that you need reality to be different to the way it is in order for you to be happy. You can try and dress that up any way you like with a solution to avoid it in future, but you'll soon run into other people and situations that won't be your preference and you'll find yourself in the midst of a complaint again.
I work as a cashier. I guess around 90% of people pay with Food Stamps. These people usually wear Hollister or Aeropostale shirt and sweater, uggs boots, have an iPhone, bling bling nail, a lot of gold jewelry and from their Coach bag they pull out a matching Coach wallet and from this Coach wallet comes out their Food Stamps card. And sometimes I ask them, "Why are you abusing the system?", they always answer, "Because if I don't, other people will." When my children invite me to an expensive restaurant for my birthday or some special day, a lot of these people are there as regulars. And I think a lot of our daily failures come from us rationalizing many behaviors in the same way these people do and something like this bracelet could help a lot to remind us not to rationalize many little things like: I'll eat this chocolate because there is nothing else and I'm hungry, etc…
I actually prefer to think about what behaviors I or others would want to invite into our lives. My belief is that focusing on "not" doing is not as powerful as focusing on being someone you want to be. I have changed my life radically with this little awareness. For instance, if I am complaining… I am aware that I want to be a person who looks for the good. Who looks for solutions. It's just a matter of focus, but I have seen it's power. Now you are moving toward something desired rather than away from something undesired. With that said, I would like to see people give drivers the benefit of the doubt. It's a gift. Most of us would give the same person that benefit if they were not in their cars. Driving is mostly stressful and horrible because of the meaning people attach to it… not the activity itself. I live in a large metro area with heavy traffic. I've turned this into a time to listen to great audiobooks, or think about gratitude or work out solutions. Driving is now something beneficial. Just my perspective, but it serves me.
This reply is most likely way too late to get one of the wristbands but I felt compelled to reply. The behavior to stop is not standing up for yourself. This includes not addressing issues as they arise, "ignoring" comments or actions against you, or just not being real with people. This all leads to complaining, having conversations in your head that you wish you would have had or never will, and allowing people to just move on knowing what they have done but you are still living it. My favorite quote is "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die" but if you deal with things as they happen (not talking about a cornholio-style meltdown) but just dealing with situations as they arise and not let it take up real estate in your head then resentment can be averted. The VIP Party? Arrange for a community service project (such as the Food Bank) where everyone "works" for a few hours on a project that will make a difference outside the group and use the $1k for the group to have a drink and appetizers after the project. People get really jazzed after doing community service projects and they are very often quite memorable.
Tim, Love the idea! Any way you can layout the challenge in a bulleted memo style format? That way it is easy to share with friends!
A behavior people should stop is automatic verbal thinking/processing. I was eating lunch when I saw the diner employee throwing out some boxes. She muttered something to herself and I started pondering how strange it is that verbal communication is such a norm to the point that occasional compulsive speaking to one's self is not even considered strange. I think that forcing one's self to reprocess an automatic behavior which is so deeply ingrained might even do more to change a person's habits than being positive. Honestly, I think what the lady muttered to herself was something negative about the boxes, so compulsive speech is used a medium for negativity anyways. two birds one stone.
I'm ready to take the challenge. In regards to your other question: Something I suggest people do is focus on being at the cause of their life, rather than the effect of it. In order to do this, one must stop focusing on the REASONS why they don't have what they want, and shift their focus to what they want instead. When realizing one is listing reasons why they don't have what they want, to state out loud what they would prefer instead. Ie: I'm overweight because I have no time to get to the gym. –> I want to make the time to fit exercise into my weekly schedule. Take it a step further and state: I make time to fit exercise into my schedule. Results > Reasons
relying on / referring to the past for excuses for the way one lives today. No regrets, the past is an illusion.
I think people should stop "stopping" themselves. So many people on a daily basis come up with brilliant ideas, only to dismiss them seconds later, saying "oh that won't work" or "I wouldn't know how to do that" or "that would take a lot of time." I say if a moment of inspiration hits you or perhaps it's an idea you've been mulling over for a while, just go for it. For 30 days give any idea you have a real shot, no excuses. Any time you think "well this could be better if…." Follow it through. If you have an idea how something could be ran better take the time to give your idea. Go forward! Give your ideas a real shot. Every time you catch yourself shooting yourself down switch the rubber band. In summary, a good motto would be to say, "why not?"
I can think of a few : procrastination, negative self talk, any obsessive behaviour. The core principle and the methodology could really work for most negative behaviours a person wants to either curb or quit altogether. This kind of reminds me of conditioning in that it lasts 21 days and forces the individual to be mindful of this negative behaviour. If the behaviour is repeated there is a negative consequence , and the participant starts over. Kind of reminds me of Pavlov. Question : can the core method be tweaked or improved by offering a larger incentive alongside the penalization, once certain milestones are completed?
It is good to eliminate negative thoughts or criticizing (I have this bad habit and use humour as an excuse), but I think this might be a powerful tool to get rid of more mundane habits like sugar consumption or the infamous Starbucks moccachino (wether for dietary or financial reasons). The visual reminder and the fact that once you went trough a few days you don't want to start again can be very effective.
What other behavior? Using the "F" word. It's ugly, trite and lazy.
Hello Jeremiah, I absolutely agree with you. He has really helped me to turn things around, both personally and professionally. Outwitting was an amazing read that made me wonder if I would have shelved it like he did – that may have been a bit too much given the time period. If you don't mind sharing, I'd love to hear what you liked most about each or any particular thoughts. Thanks – Mike
I have always "talked out loud" to myself in public but no longer have strangers pointing it out to me or looking at me strangely. I guess they assume I am talking on my phone. How things have changed. But think about it – is talking to oneself any different than talking to an unseen person on the phone?