The thought-awareness bracelet and the latest straw that broke the camel’s back.
“This $@#&ing Mac will be the death of me. Intuitive, my ass.”
It just slipped out, and I don’t think I can be blamed. I was ready to leave the PC behind and take my mac overseas for the first time when I couldn’t figure out how to resize photos. On a friggin’ mac? I felt swindled. I also now had to move the bracelet.
For the last four months, I’ve been experimenting with a few types of thought experiments. The two most notable are Radical Honesty, which is 100% guaranteed to get you slapped or worse, and anti-complaining, which I’ll explain here. The latter started in my book agent’s office, where I spotted a pile of purple bracelets on his desk…
“What are these?” I grabbed one and it was inscribed with ‘acomplaintfreeworld.org.’
“Another author of mine. Interesting story, actually.”
And it was. The author was Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister who had recognized — as I have in a previous post — that word choice determines thought choice, which determines emotions and actions. It’s not enough to just decide you’ll stop using certain words, though. It requires conditioning.
Will designed a solution in the form of a simple purple bracelet, which he offered to his congregation with a challenge: go 21 days without complaining. Each time one of them complained, they had to switch the bracelet to their other wrist and start again from day 0. It was simple but effective metacognitive awareness training.
The effects were immediate and life-changing.
The bracelets spread like wildfire as others observed these transformations, and, to date, more than 5,900,000 people have requested the little devices.
“Can I have one?” I asked my agent.
It all made perfect sense. Fix the words and you fix the thoughts. I’m not a negative person, but I wanted to cut out the commiserating most of us use for 30-40% of all conversation (if you don’t believe me, keep track of how many people start conversations with you in the next 24 hours that center on a complaint or criticism).
I made it 11 days on the first attempt, then I slipped. Back to zero. Then it was two or three days at a time for about a month. Once I cleared 21 days at around month 3, I no longer needed the bracelet. I’m using the bracelet again now because I’m preparing for some large projects I expect to be challenging enough for Cornholio-style meltdowns.
But what is a complaint?
This is where I disagree with some of the rules set by Will. He asks you to switch wrists whenever you gossip, criticize, or complain, and the definitions can be a bit vague. He also requires you to switch wrists if you inform someone else they are complaining. I think this is counterproductive, as I’m big on constructive criticism.
I defined “complaining” for myself as follows: describing an event or person negatively without indicating next steps to fix the problem. I later added the usual 4-letter words and other common profanity as complaint qualifiers, which forced me to reword, thus forcing awareness and more precise thinking.
Following the above definition, both of the following would require a wrist switch:
“Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude jerk for 30 minutes. What a waste of time.”
or
“John can be such an a**hole. Totally uncalled for.”
The following variations would not:
“Man, I went into the post office and had to stand behind this rude guy for 30 minutes. It was a waste of time. From now on, I’ll go in the mornings before 10am to avoid the crowd.”
“John was a bit of muppet in there, wasn’t he? I suppose I’ll just send the e-mails directly to Mary in engineering for the next two weeks to get buy-in, then he’ll have to agree.”
Here are a few of the changes I noticed then and am noticing again now:
1) My lazier thinking evolved from counterproductive commiserating to reflexive systems thinking. Each description of a problem forced me to ask and answer: What policy can I create to avoid this in the future?
2) I was able to turn off negative events because the tentative solution had been offered instead of giving them indefinite mental shelf-life (and “open loop” in GTD parlance), resulting in better sleep and more pleasant conversations with both friends and business partners.
3) People want to be around action-oriented problem solvers. Training yourself to offer solutions on-the-spot attracts people and resources.
###
For those interested in the more sophisticated applications and results of the the no-complaint thought experiment, I recommend you order a copy of A Complaint-Free World. I received an advanced copy and finished it in one afternoon, ending up with two pages of notes.
Want to take the 21-day no-complaint challenge for a test drive now?
Last a friend checked, the bracelets had a 3-5-month waiting period, but a rubber band or other bracelet will suffice. If you want the real deal, I have four bracelets that I will mail (might take a bit, as I’m leaving the country Friday) to the best four commenters below who answer the question:
What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
The one habit people should stop is thinking they are more important than they really are. Self-awareness is a much more important trait than self-importance. Every instance of using the word I should be followed by a self-correcting action. e.g. I am too fat should be rephrased to I should lose 5 pounds. The CEO/VIP party would have no budget to begin with but those in attendance would be required to come up with an idea to raise funds for the party a la Apprentice-style teams (maybe 5 members per team). The winning team's fund-raising efforts will fund the party. Every other team's winnings go to the winner's charity of choice.
That technique is straight out of Aleister Crowley. Seriously.
People should stop appologizing for sending spams. If they know it's a spam, and if they were sincerely sorry, why sending them? A better way would be "this IS a spam; I'm NOT sorry, because I believe I DO have a good reason for it, which is:…" Would that work? 😛
People that talk over other people I notice in many conversations a lot of times, one person will be talking and then the other person will start talking not letting the first person finish their communication. Essentially cutting them off. It is so commonplace that it is not normally considered rude. But the person that gets cut off usually does not appreciate it. This is a tough one but here are some ideas on how to stop that behavior. Practice one day at a time not cutting off other people. When someone cuts you off say politely: "Will you let me finish?"
Hmm.. after a second thought I see in the idea. I have started the experiment (using my wrist watch).
People should stop blaming. There is no better waste of life and space than someone who spends their time blaming others for their own failings. Accept it and move on! The future is waiting, I have seen too many lives wasted because people couldn't accept what has gone before. What has happened is what brought you to where you are, if you don't like it change directions!
The other behavior besides complaining I think people should stop is using the phrase "I can't." When we are children, it seems like that phrase is not even in our vocabulary and the world is full of endless possibilities where we can grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an astronaut. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood the phrase "I can't" sets in and becomes an excuse for our mediocrity. The world doesn't limit us, we limit ourselves. As far as the bonus question, I would throw a carnival. Working for a non-profit, I am used to throwing parties with little to no money. It is amazing how cheap it is to throw a carnival with all the extras…. games, food, prizes. It would be a good reminder for everyone to realize how fun it is to be a kid again.
Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun? I would show them how to use $1,000 to make the night memorable, and they would never forget it. What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop? Other behaviors besides complaining that people should stop is being so negative. Negativity has a deep effect on me especially in school. If someone is depressed I can't be around them. So they should learn to turn the negativity into something positive or find a way to make it better. – Joseph
what kind of rebel libertarian like Tim Ferriss uses a Mac? Just baffles me. I'd expect you to run Fedora or Ubuntu on something that's not overpriced and incapable *cough cough* like a mac *cough*
The rebel, the libertarian, the hacker, the genius that is Tim Ferriss uses an Apple overpriced, incapable computer, and then to top it off runs Mac OS X on it. 🙁 Wow, macs are for n00bz. And the people who posted before me act like Windows (which they call "PC" is the only other option)…. umm Fedora, Ubuntu??? I see you as the intello blogger who isn't like all the others (i.e. voting for Obama, using a Mac, blah, blah, blah) You are against FISA!!! You do not fall into the two-party trap (GOP is to DEM as Windows is to Mac) The former being cheaper, more efficient, yet can get viruses (Let's continue the analogy by calling the viruses Neo-cons grr) and Macs, overpriced, inefficient, incapable. Vote 3rd Party. Use Linux.
“What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop?” My top pick in this category is running others down. This includes criticism in all its forms when defined as diminishing someone. “How could (they) train themselves to stop?” This takes an awareness on the part of the individual of their behavior and a desire to change. Putting this into action, the individual declares their intention to stop the behavior, and corrects themselves along the way. “Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun?” The event is created around (insert good cause here, I’ll use “having food with our meals”). The invitees are challenged to create and prepare themselves a dinner that feeds four and costs no more than $15. The dishes are prepared in larger portions and sampled by judges (food critics?) and are rated for nutrition, ease of preparation and taste. All recipes are published and the winners have scholarships named after them for underprivileged kids. The event is “paid” for through donations of venue, services, and the media cover other costs for an up-and-close evening with these high-powered people. Cheers!
Bad habits I (personally) would like to see stopped: Being verbally abusive to myself when I mess up – as in, "How could I be such a stupid @#$%%?" Bad habits I see all around me: Comparing yourself to others and always coming up short. The grass is always greener on the other side. Some people look like they have everything together and then you find out they've lost someone they love, or they are going through a divorce. Thinking other people are lucky and that's why they're where they're at in life, or why they are in shape, or why they have a fun job. Not everything in life is about luck. Physically fit people are fit because they are at the gym, or on a bike, and they watch what they eat. Saying other people are lucky is a cop out, because it infers that you can't accomplish these things yourself because you're not lucky. Party idea – At least for the entertainment, we tried a small book called "If – Questions for the Game of Life". Put people in small groups and ask each other questions, some whimsical, some thought-provoking. You will walk away really knowing the people you played the game with. I guarantee you the questions are not about what you do for a living.
people should use the bracelet therapy to stop saying the word "like" every 10 seconds. It sounds innocent in conversation but really unprofessional and juvenile in an interview or business meeting. And the interview isn't the place to think "oh crap, I just said 'like' again".
May I have a bracelet. Please.
People need to immediately and violently halt all assumption making processes about other individuals. Assumptions made on people applies a standard that we have pre-concocted to a GROUP of people that may or may-not be true of an INDIVIDUAL. For example, a person wearing garments from another culture, or a different accent, is immediately categorized into our pre-conceived file for identifiying people. This is a huge limiter because it dismisses the ability to engage in learning from another human being. Grouping is natural because it is our brains making a move for greater efficiency. We cannot possibly process each person we meet as a distinct individual. Or can we? The next time we encounter someone who is unfamiliar to us, maybe we should turn off our brain filters, and engage in our common humanity. A world of understanding is a handshake away. And if i were throwing a party with the above mentioned particulars, i would have a fleet of human powered drawn carriges out front of my high rise apartment. And in between the sesame chicken and the obscene dessert we would race to the capitol building here in Denver. Whoever got there first would receive a $100 mens warehouse gift-card, and a funky hat.
Suggestion for an anti-complaint tool: When you hear a whine in progress, try asking "What would you like to do?" (or something as similar as you can). Avoid slipping (or letting them) slip into how they want things to magically "be" without doing something themselves to create their preferred outcome. I've observed that those who would rather be unhappy (presumably for the lack of anything better to do) often lapse into embarrassed silence a few seconds after their initial unempowered not-taking-personal-responsibility response. And occasionally, you get to witness a breakthrough (of the "I guess I could come half an hour earlier to avoid the queue" type).
i have removed all vocabulary that admits to chance, fortune and luck, as i don't believe that these are actual forces in life. So, no more, un/fortunately, un/lucky, hopefully, good luck etc….it is challenging to come up with other ways to say nice things to people, or to be compassionate without saying these types of things, that don't mean much and aren't comforting really…so i am going deeper and thinking more actively…it is amazing how often one uses these terms… best wishes…
I just ordered the book. I wonder if there is a place here in Utah that would have the bracelets? J.R.
Well, it's an old blog post, but since an idea is never lost : For a cheap memorable party, I'll go with the giant bubble recipe. I am not talking about that messy-fashion-bubble-bath parties where every body is covered with soap. I am talking about a recipe mixing water, fairy dreft and glycerin, allowing anyone with a string to create 3-4 m big bubbles. It's magical, and fun. And for the ones that won't be satisfied with a such the girly concept, you can use methane to blow the bubbles and make your own incredible pyrotechnical show, including special effects, with very little money. You may be sued as well. I did not, and it's worth it. Especially by night on the beach… Watch you friends anyway, it smells like fried chicken, the party will be over.
Hi there, I know I'm late in the game, but just wanted to add what I think may be another cognitive glitch that should be eradicated. It is really just two words, that often appear in any dialogue. "Yeah, but…" It slips out before we know it, and yet it does such damage to any attempt at generating or building ideas. "Yeah" corresponds to the non-acknowledgment of what was just said, the walking over it. It makes no attempt to bridge the two speakers. It is an override. "But" is an almost a conversational onomatopoeia, because it actually butts in with the second speaker's preconceived or just-conceived ideas. It begins a new line of thought that negates whatever was just said. I propose that this little minion of unreflective thought be driven out of our dialogues, especially those that try to reach a deeper understanding of any given issue, or give rise to new ideas. Or even more so, when there is disagreement. In its stead I might suggest pauses, actual moments of silence or thought phrases ("Hmmm…" etc.), in order to actually take in and process what was said and meld it in some way with what is to come. More than that, it shifts the goals of dialogue from domination to an intersubjective sensitivity whereby the act of building ideas is more important. I know this is a small thing, but I feel it is one worth examining in daily life.
stop stopping and start loving
People who say it can not be done should get out of the way of people who are doing it! Here I come Nice mantra.
Well this question is from a while ago, but I thought I would post anyway. What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? Well its not really a behavior to stop, but what about a behavior to start? I think if you train yourself to pick up 1 piece of garbage a day, the world would be alot better. Its amazing how much trash is out there, all around us. If each of us was to pick up 1 piece, everyday….well that would make a big difference, and a cleaner happier planet! Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun? This ones a little tougher…..I'ld probably rent a couple of those giant blow up bouncers and slides. When ever you see those, they are only at kids parties, and adults don't get to go on them. I think it would be a blast! Thanks
Another behavior that people should stop is saying "uh… uh… , and-and-and" and the like while speaking. Doing so wastes time and decreases your credibility. A bracelet, necklace, or simple marking with a marker could be used to remind the user to calm down and speak without interrupting his or her self.
"word choice determines thought choice" sort of. they influence each other… like a feedback loop. so what determines word choice? assuming speaker not reading from script. metaphor choice. symbols and interpreted meaning. do you think will bowen has a metpahor? of course. everyone does. some people take their metaphors literally. e.g. they may think that a symbolic event in history used to convey meaning(s) actually took place. this is how disagreements are made. all due respect, i wonder if will wants you to have the same metaphor as he does. can he tolerate other metaphors? only he knows.
I'd add not accepting complements right up there with complaining about yourself. If someone says something nice about you, arguing with them is awkward and bad form. Smile, say "thanks," and move on!
Criticism & complaint are a few of our dark companions as entrepreneurs. By definition we are always looking for a better way than the status quo. This causes us to see the lack so that we can identify the opportunity to make it better. The more we develop the opportunity the more we realize how lacking the status quo really is. It is a vicious cycle….and once we put more energy into identifying the problems than we do in making the solutions we have failed. Avoiding this failure requires radical action like Tim described in the post. Other good books on this subject include: QBQ – The Question behind the Question by John Miller How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
If you have computer problems (or any basic questions) use twitter. I have tweeted when I was at a dead end or needed good recommendations and have almost always been pleasantly surprised with the helpful results. You could have asked how to resize images in iphoto and found this is done through: file > export > set the file type
Several years ago, after I'd gone through a very rough patch, I found that no-one wanted to be around me and realized that just about everything that came out of my mouth was negative and victim-based. Blecch! I decided that I wasn't going to let anything negative come out of my mouth for 30 days just to see how my world would change. It worked. The first couple of weeks, I didn't contribute much to conversations, but eventually my mind started, without a lot of effort on my part, to come up with positive things to say. Now people think of me as an enormously positive person and I'm able to see opportunities everywhere. It's probably the biggest life-changer I've done in the last ten years.
Tim, Try this social experiment. Tiana and I call it: "No More Hand Holding". Do you ever have friends who you need to nag, repeatedly, to get them to do things that are ultimately in their best interest? Like you have to ask them four times to go to a fun party with you. 75% of the time, these friends just like it that you hold their hand in order to get them to do things. And the other 25% of the time, they flat out refuse, and you feel even stupider for wasting your time. So the rule is: If someone declines to do something that you know is in their best interest, *after you have explained to them why they should do it*, then you stop. Can you make it for twenty-one days? Actually, this one is easy, because it's so exhilarating to be discharged from the responsibility of helping ungrateful people.
in my experience this will not work with my family (we are jewish)
The most important behavior people should change is to stop complain when they get up in the morning. Start the day by smiling and jump off your bed to enjoy the first day of your future life.
Tim, Thanks for recommending A Complaint-Free World. Your definition of a complaint provides me with a practical way to convert C.A.V.E. (Citizens Against Virtually Everything) dwellers into more positive contributors. As a change agent, this is an invaluable skill to acquire. I can even help improve my own self-talk with your tips.
I randomly came across this article (I don't even remember where), but I like the idea. I think I'll try it, with or without the bracelet. It ought to be quite the challenge, but by the end of it, I should be further toward my current goal in life. As for my suggestion as to what people should quit, I think that the world would be in a lot better shape if people would slow down a bit. This would involve several factors, such as less procrastination to allow more time for tasks to get done, but I think that the overall effect of relaxation would relieve a good bit of societal tension. If people don't feel so much like they have to be five places at once, maybe they'll be more polite in the one place they are at that moment. For the 100 VIPs, I suggest a game: Give each VIP between $20 and $40 (depending on region and budget), take them out to a semi-rural area, and play golf. The rules, of course, being that they have to make their own golf clubs, out of whatever they can buy with their budget or scrounge up from a smallish town and/or a rural setting (we'll be fair and hold it somewhere with trees, just so they have potential to use long sticks). Actual golf balls are provided as projectiles, and each hole is roughly… we'll say 50 or 100 yards away from the tee. The winner is calculated not only on best actual score in the game, but also by factoring in how frugal they were with their individual budget, and how imaginative their clubs were, both in design and personalization.
I like the first 2 things you found out but didn't agree with "People want to be around action-oriented problem solvers." Women often talk to sort out their ideas and emotions and hate it when blokes jump in and start telling them the solution. Listening is appreciated. We are not dumb, just talking.
In my opinion almost any critique can be borderline complaint. In some way you are evaluating, comparing and even while you might be say "it's good" behind the scene you may be thinking how it could be better, hence the complaint in the background. If you want to get rally radical just try a zero tolerance for anything critical at all for just one day and see what you can find out. If you can find a partner who can criticize you and point out whenever you are being critical but you can not say anything back that is all the better. believe me it'll bring out the best (and maybe worst) in you. Good luck with the experiment. Bonus: I'd hire a live karaoke band for the event. That means the guests could sing popular songs with a professional band and make sure to send pics to all the guests of their performances.
VInce Great resizing tip! Tim, If you're really lazy you can let mail resize your images too. Just drop an image into a new message and use the image size option at the bottom right of the mail. Trade off is that you have to select from predefined sizes (usually one will suit most situations). Once you have resized just drag it from Mac Mail into a folder where you store your images. You can even drag it back into iPhoto if you want.
Sorry macLuv, I just noticed your posting of the same thing, oops…
hm, that is interesting, and it's something that I try to do, without really having a word – let alone a wrist band switching system – for it. However, I feel I must be the devil's advocate and point out that complaining must have it's place– it is such a widespread behaviour that I find it doubtful that it serves no purpose. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm convinced that we don't all engage in it so naturally and freely for no particular reason. doesn't counselling/therapy basically consist of the patient 'complaining'? I'm told studies suggest that talking to a friend can be just as helpful as talking to a therapist- it's like complaining/venting is our debugging mode. Complaining about something is also a way of expressing a dislike for it, which can connect you to people who share your opinion, or start a (hopefully constructive and informative) debate with someone who disagrees with you. I'm not saying everyone should complain more, of course. Certainly, analysing what you're saying and why is always helpful. But, a world /completely/ without complaints I would find unnatural and weird. or.. is that just me complaining? .. in fact, in a way it's complaining that people complain too much. Though, I think what you're suggesting here is a way to make complains meaningful, and to think about what you're saying, and I'm all for that ^.^
This post so inspired me. But I "tweaked" it from a 21 day complaint fast to a month long empowerment "diet". Basically wearing a bracelet on one arm to remind me in eliminating my turbo "you suck" moments and instead remaining conscious of my intrinsic and dynamic worth. First day I failed…but was a lesson in neutralization of negative thought and redirection towards positive. I am on day 15 🙂 it's wonderful.
My first thought when I read this was "this idea is terrible & won't work" so when I receive my bracelet, I'll immediately put it on my right wrist. I was gonna start on my left, so strike 1! Love the blog Tim, I'm still confused by last years April Fools Joke. Who am I talking to now…are you one of the voices in my head??? Keep it up, you're helping me change from the inside out!
Tim, I like this concept, I think it is awesome to have a reminder system. I however think that your reframe still has a little negative side to it. If we look at this from a place of "It's all about me" and knowing that we create everything around us, then we must look within when the a**hole or negative circumstance shows up. They dont just show up, we bring them forth. That circumstance is always a reminder of what is going on inside of us. When the rude guy shows up and delivers his message, rather than get annoyed and think he is a jerk, we can look at what his rude message was about. If we look past what it is that he doesnt want (his complaint) and ask what is it that this guy really wants. We can come up with a list of things such as: 1-He wants to know that he is getting the service that he deserves from our great postal service. 2-He wants to be respected and treated like more than a number. 3-He really wants to hurry home to his family. 4-He wants to whatever it is…. Now that we have the "do want", we can turn that into coaching for ourselves, because the negative that shows up is usually asking us to make a correction in our own lives, its a reflection of our own inner voice. If you ever notice in those public situations, the people who are happy and on track in their lives will almost never notice or get triggered by this and in fact may think, oh that poor guy must have a lot on his plate and feel sorry for him. The people that are off track or are in self conscious or "beat up" mode are the ones who get triggered and notice how rude he was. So to some this up, I think its ok to give people feedback but always in a positive way like, Wow, what you just said was kind of rude and didnt sound good, man you must have a lot going on in your world, are you ok? Or even feed back to them their positive message like, Wow, you must be in a hurry and it looks like you are feeling disrespected here… etc. Once we determine what the positive intent behind the negative that shows up, we can look and see where we are looking for that correction in our life and apply it accordingly. Once applied, notice how those negatives disappear until we get off track again 🙂 I'm out Mo
People should stop smoking. As an aid to those that quit smoking, the bracelet could be used as a way to stop thinking about smoking. I quit smoking by literally telling myself that I would never think about cigarettes again and I didn't until I had the strength and self control to think about it. I would also use the bracelet to remind youself to stop thinking about defeat in any form when taking on a new project.
Hey Tim, Live life to the fullest by being proactive, not reactive. Rather than complaining or coping, think of how you can improve your situation or solve the problem. Instead of giving excuses for why you can't do something, think of how you can. This bracelet idea is an awesome external force to push you into no-complaint zone. A visual object constantly on your hand to remind you not to complain, but instead seek solutions. Diverting otherwise wasted energy into effective uses for it. Thanks for sharing the bracelet method and the book, Oleg
I think people should stop blabbing to me about things I don't care about. I'm not asking for mind readers, I am simply recommending guiding conversations with pointed questions rather than an itinerary of thoughts to find the most meaningful and efficient way to communicate. As for the VIP party, let's adorn each guest with a toga for starters…
Political Correctness should be completely eliminated from humanity. It's like making it acceptable to be secretly irrationally unpleasant and condescending. It eats away at the fiber of a person until you are degraded into a spoon fed weakling unfit for raw honesty and general society. I believe that it is one of the three great enemies of America, along with fast food and shoes. I like the idea of the swear word; it gives a gravity or a sense of ridiculousness to a situation that you would otherwise not be able to elucidate as colorfully. However, in order to prevent yourself from becoming the kind of person that uses curses in everyday conversation and nullifies the value of them, try what Wes Anderson did in Fantastic Mr. Fox, and substitute the word "cuss." It will, as a side effect, make life incredibly funny. I guarantee that the first time you say "clustercuss" you will laugh your cuss off. For a party, I suggest that you take everyone to a goodwill or salvation army, have them buy a ridiculous outfit, and then hold an impromptu rave/volleyball game at a public park or some such place and play "Let Her Dance" by Bobby Fuller Four.
Whether you think so or not it definately IS still complaining whenever you point out someone else is doing so-It's just complaining about the fact someone else complains,or gossips Here's how I define complaining.I think of it as any comment about something negative.It's the whole "If you don't have anything nice to say,don't say it all"philosophy but taken further,"If you don't have anything good to say,say nothing at all…." To practice that,IS MUCH more challenging
Great post. That minister is on to something. I think I will incorporate that into my life. Maybe I'll just use my watch instead of the bracelet. It is almost like a self-imposed public shaming, but with a curative effect being applied to the one who is shamed, rather than a protective effect being given to society.
This would be a great documentary to have a guy like Morgan Spurlock (of Supersize me fame) do. At what point in our lives do we turn into rags? Do 2nd graders stand around on the playground and complain to each other?
I know this post is from long ago and of course I don't want a bracelet, but I think people should stop punishing. Receiving a punishment for something you did wrong doesn't really solve anything. Anyone who makes a mistake should be talked into understanding why what they did was wrong and then asked to try and repair it. Of course not everything is just as easy as that but again punishment is an easy way out that doesn't solve anything.
Just read the "radical honesty" article. How did your own 'radical honesty' experiment go? Did you ever blog about it?
Thanks to Tim for the original post and for the many follow up comments. In one of them, Adam suggested we create a documentary on the Complaint Free World. We just finished a movie titled, "A Complaint Free Revolution" that's premiered the same day my second book "Complaint Free Relationships" came out. You can find out more at our web site.
Loved the article! Can't believe it took from September 07 to February 10 for me to read. Two and a half years to get to New Zealand.. Where are we the other side of the world? Hmmm… Is there a fix for that? Mental note: think of strategy to bring NZed closer
Took me about one a half years of trying. Finally did it. No complaints, no negativity and no swear words. My record is 55 days. Which ended today. I started last New Year. Gotta say, it felt so satisfying to finally swear again.
What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop? Personally, I think people should stop being Pessimistic. Really? Negative thinking brings about complaining, bad feelings and all around "Eyore" syndrome. I think the way we turn negative thinking around at first is to say 5 positive things about the surroundings or people around you. Then work to 10 and more and more. Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun? I am a person that believes that within 6 degrees of separation I can network with anyone!! I would access a restaurant that needs a little advertisement that has great food, but bad marketing. Ask them to host my party for free advertisement and press. Then as an added bonus, I would find a karaoke band (NOT A DJ) and have karaoke and food!! Everyone remembers their friends and VIPs who sing poorly. Some of my best memories are with friends and bad singing. The karaoke band would do it for little or no cost for the same reason as the restaurant, more free publicity and press. I would then send out press releases announcing the event so that the media can cover the event. Fun and for little to no cost!
I'm reminded of a spiritual teacher in San Francisco named Joe Miller. Joe took Tilopa's teachings and boiled them down to the "Four C's," which were "Complain not, criticize not, compare not, condemn not." So, there's a suggestion for what else. Joe also said "Thinkin' gets you stinkin' worse than drinkin', but to feel is for real." Actually, Joe said a lot, and if you can find the book Great Song, it's quite fun. Mental diets are wonderful for shaking up our habits, and freeing us from all the schmutz that sticks to us from bad thinking. Something like the way smokers don't notice how they smell of cigarettes, we don't notice what sticks to us from what we say and do. But others do, and our magnetism sure increases when it's gone, or even diminished.
"keep track of how many people start conversations with you in the next 24 hours that center on a complaint or criticism" I would lose count. I work with nurses and it's been my experience that the medical community is one of the worst complaining fields to go into. No one's ever happy with where they're at, how much they're getting, how the machines work or how much paperwork they have to do (which btw is WAY too much to be honest) I do have this on my list though, go a month without complaining. I'll have to get one of these bracelets to help me out. the list –> www.zachstravels.com/101things
I was on the phone just now and thought about this post 🙂 The ultimate way to stop complaining for good, is to become the best friend of someone who complains a lot .. I mean a LOT .. about everything you can imagine (or probably can't). That way you'll find yourself in a position where you try to talk some sense into your friend all the time, developing a dislike towards complaints and other manifestations of negative thought. You might even develop saint-like patience 🙂
Good advice, but for those people who have empathic talents or relating skills, they might find themselves affirming those complaints or even introducing new ones to relate to the person. So watch out, be aware of yourself.
I think one thing that might help this challenge is envisioning yourself as a complaint free person already,owning the title. Waking up everyday seeing yourself as someone whose upbeat,filled with joy,and who never complains about a thing…
"What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop?" How about doubting themselves? As it has been said, those who cannot DO, become critics. I know that people who complain, complain because whatever is causing them to moan hasn't happened for them. Focus on the front, where you want to go, and you won't notice where others are or what they are doing. Keep your eye on your goal and you won't have time to notice what others are doing, therefore reducing moaning and discontent. Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun? Firstly, I would turn the VIP from Very Important People to Very Insignificant People. Make the event something that they want to be a part of and not something they feel they are a superstar of. How does one do that? Make the cause larger than the egos. I would actually get them to pay to show up. How does one determine, even more so, how does one get determined, that they are a VIP? Likeability? Bank Account? Media Attention? This rating is so cheap these days, it takes a real class act to sustain a VIP rating. To answer the question of how I would make it more memorable or fun, I would just ask those that were there to look around and take note of the colleagues that are worthwhile, as my most memorable times are with those that were worth spending time with. Those are times worth remembering. When you spend time with good people, for good reasons, you don't need gimmicks.
I love this post. The entire blog is so enriching. Day one of – The 21 Day No Complaint Diet – starts now.
Hi everyone this is my first post but I got to trow my two cents on this. What a great Idea. I have been making changes to my thinking for the past week. I was inspired by the book Consolations of philosophy http://www.amazon.com/Consolations-Philosophy-Alain-Botton/dp/0679779175 There was a section about Seneca and Consolation for Frustration. How often I have been mad about the smallest things. I have applied some stoic principles to my life now and I feel incredibly calm and at ease now. I was very anxious before. Today I started the wristband experiment. I followed your advise and almost survived the first day. Until I exploded to my sister about the way she handles her computer. So tomorrow is day 0 again. Wish me luck. And I specially liked Tim's idea on giving solutions to your frustrations and complaints. I applied this method too because it made the whole experiment more active. Can't wait for to morrow to see how this method will change my daily life. It will somehow. I know this 'cause it already has.
Hi Tim! Maybe my post is too late but I would like to express myself :). 1. Maybe you should redesign your question in another way, because you are asking how to stop i e to struggle the complaint. What is the opposite for complaining? – GRATITUDE! I think better to ask – how to start being gratitude? 🙂 We all are accustomed to live in a position of victim and think that everybody are obliged to us and rarely ready to serve others. Let's start being gratitude! 🙂 2. No budget, VIP guests. Hm…In case I knew details I would find out the pics and video of movie stars from 60-70-80-90 and make a prsentation or a lively interractive game where would compare all the guests with these Movie and TV Stars and request the matched VIP guest to prove it by acting somethig peculiar to the STar they are compared. Nostalgia is a door that opens heart of many people :). Rumiya
I love the idea of this, but I worry my husband would think a "solution" would be something like, "Jesus, this countertop is a mess, you should clean it." I also think that many criticisms are actually complaints, ie "he's an a@@hole" is really sometimes "he won't do what I want, the way I want it, and I say he should," or, "That shirt doesn't look good on you," really means "You don't look like I want you to, and you should." So I would also take criticism off the table. "Don't bring a problem, bring a solution." klb
the third point you made is really an important point to make. The thing is, in today's world we are so focused on expressing our emotions or at least acting irrationally on our emotions. We tend to feel better when we express how bad we feel or how frustrated we feel. I think it has to do with people's laziness when it comes to this kind of behavior. Why are we not focused on solving problems? why do we always need to blow up situations and then talk about how bad we feel when in truth, diverging that energy into actually problem solving could be a whole lot more productive. I think i'll try this wrist band thing. I know from personal experience that problem solving attitude does attract similar minded people and more resources. Maybe the wrist band thing will indeed work 🙂
I did this once a few years ago to stop the four letter words. Instead of a bracelet I used a rubberband and snapped it if I swore. it worked fabulously but probably not as attractive on the eye. Made it easy to share with others when they say my actions though. I ordered you 4 Hour Body book and started the slow carb diet last Tuesday…I am stuffed!!! Started the PAGG today as I was just able to get to the health food shop to purchase. I teach mind body and dance and I already see an energy increase..thank you Looking forward to working with the kettle ball. Looking forward to getting your book read. Happy Blissful New Year!
For the more negative or less confident among us the definition might be 'describing an event, person, or personal capability negatively without indicating next steps to fix the issue.' Thanks for another gem Tim.
This is a great post and even though it's years later in reality I'm going to track down that book and take these practices into serious consideration for myself. I agree with the compromise on what constitutes negativity. 1. Wear a bracelet (or button, or special shoelace) that reminds you to smile. I guess the action we would be stopping is stopping some of the unnecessary blockage we develop that limits the initiation of positive thinking. Being in a positive mindset can probably influence the quality of on-the-spot solutions the mind exercise described above is intended to produce. 2. Meet in a public place (Golden Gate park, etc.). Give every exec a simple activity (smile, shake hands, share a secret) and give them one hour to find a stranger to influence to perform the required activity. Share experiences and tips. If this was a real party, I hope it worked out.
I am so loving the responses for this particular post. Having read through the some of the comments on previous posts, it's amazing how people have been able to control or suppress some 'destructive' criticisms for the mere chance of winning Tim's bracelet. Good job Tim, you rock!
One kind of behaviour I think people should try to avoid is expressing their opinions as if they were facts. Adding qualifiers like "I think" – as in the previous sentence – can help with this. Some good pattern interrupts: – when you notice someone else doing it, ask, "Is that a fact or just your opinion?" – when you notice yourself doing it, add, "But that's just my opinion."
What kind of behaviour should people stop? I think everyone should stop taking things personally. Other people's reactions and behaviours are about themselves. How they react to things is based on their values and self beliefs, not about you. Even bullies are thinking about how they would be viewed, not about how it makes you feel. How much easier would it be to move through things if we didn't assume people's actions or reactions were about us?
Complaining is "in my roots" so to speak, and I've battled staying out of complain land for many years. Last summer I gave my friend free licence to have 50 dollars every time he heard me complain. Obviously I wouldn't throw away that kind of money off the bat, but the REALLY valuable experience I got out of this experiment, was that he always tried to tempt me to complain. By facing the temptation, I was really able to make a shift away from complaining. Someone should try this.
A behaviour we need to stop especially from women and more becoming from men is hating ourselves and our looks. The world is now a place of plastic surgery and "youre not attractive enough" slogans its hard to love oneself as one is. People talk about the rubber band that you snap, and this is a well known tool used by anorexics who snap it when they think of food. We live in a world where girls are conditioning themselves to not think of food, ever!. One way to fix our self loathing could be to give yourself a horrible disfigurement for a short period, then when you got yourself back you would love yourself as you were maybe? Or we could all stop getting surgery, and put on something sexy and look at what we have to offer. Maybe snap the band when you hate your fat bits, big nose, long arms. And then reming yourself of something good, your great hair, legs, smile (we all have things) . Go out in something you feel sexy in. I notice people wearing slippers to the mall. Smile at strangers and know they find you attractive, imagine they are looking at your great points. Know they are jealous of your great hair, legs smile. Everybody likes different things not just models. My mother is very attractive and she finds big bald hairy men very sexy, I like big beefy guys and my sister likes the tall very thin arty types. I see men spending their savings trying to save their hair in a losing battle when many women find bald very attractive. Or women hiding their jiggly bits because they arent model thin, 2% of the population are, so they spend their lives unhappy? We are wasting our lives being something we are not when people think we are sexy as we are. So I am about to get up, shower and put an outfit on that will make me feel like the goddess that I am. Jiggly bits and all.
I know I'm late to the party,so I hope the is someone here to read this. First unproductive behavior is excuses. I had a band director tell his band "Excuses are just reasons for failure". So many times we as a population we say the quickest,easiest thing so we don't look bad or lazy or whatever word you wish to add here. Just stop and think when you are preparing your excuse,rehearsing it, all for the perfect show. If you had put that much energy into the project or homework or just being on time. You would have completed the project. Because we all know the greater importance the project, the more elaborate the excuse, and people see right thru it. Is that how you want to be known? As for the party. Everyone has to wear clothes from their closet that they haven't worn. Removes that clothes are my armour safety net. Now everyone brings a dish that begins with the first letter of their first name. Request people only bring finger food. Food taken care of. Get some street musician or group to play for $400 plus food. music taken care of. Local park with pavillion should work. Rental is usually cheap,covered, has electric and restrooms are around. Some elbow grease maybe required. Bring extra TP. Or the other option is to name drop to the Parks Director as you inform them of your gathering and how you are so excited to show off the city's park's. Things (good) will happen. If one guest is at a total loss of what to bring, or has an excuse, well they are bringing the paper products . Plates and napkins taken care of. Now for activity popscicle sticks,glue and paint. Have people divide into groups of 10. Have them create something with these sticks i.e. a piece of playground equipment for the very park they are in. Encourage them to let their imagination run, remember when they were kids what did they want? Have them name it? The non-builders of the group can design a kid friendly fund raiser. Hopefully everyone will feel good at the end of the night. Learn something about the people they are working with, help kids and smile.
What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could train themselves to stop? Being a victim. By that, I mean waiting for a circumstance or another's action to resolve an issue. If we can remind ourselves to keep asking "what can *I* do to resolve this, or what could I have done, or what did I do to create this situation", we can start to shift into being responsible for what we do. When we are the cause of what happens in our lives, we have power. And only then.
Stop sarcasm and start wording phrases positively Our lives gravitate toward what our brains focus on. The war on poverty has created more poverty, the war on drugs has created more drug users. If you are focusing on the negative that's what you get. I've also heard that our suboncious does not understand the differnce between sarcasm and not. When in the english language do 2 positives result in a negative? yeah, right…
Tim and PA's, I'm sure you have many poeple asking for your advice on health and fitness, if your ever looking to set up a gym or any result based fitness business to help this massive amount of people please contact me for assistance! I have a great understanding and appreciation for your books. I have have helped take 2,000 pounds of fat off of people. (I'm only 27) I'm very familiar with all the testing out there. CPX, metabolic, DEXA… etc. Please email me if you'd like a copy of my resume for your files. Thanks, Matt
I guess I'm confused. In your second set of examples, you called one guy rude and the other a muppet. How is that less complaining/criticizing/? Based on YOUR definition you could still call John an ***hole, but decide to email him from now on and still achieve your goal. Better examples might be: I was unhappy with my experience at the post office so I'll go another time. I'll start email John to avoid further problems.
I think a band for lustful and non-virtuous thoughts for men would be as tough as not complaining is for women. The positive effects on couples would be amazing!
Yeah, well I tried positive thinking once – but I knew it wouldn't work …
I think one way to put unwanted behaviour into perspective is to make a joke (or thought experiment if you're on your own) of amusing different ways it could be taken to an extreme – like this classic from Monty Python – http://www.montypython.net/scripts/tour.php – "What's the point of going abroad if you're just another tourist …"
For the 1,000 thing I know it sounds silly but wouldn't it be fun to introduce the braclet technique? I think a lot of people would benefit from it and the night would go off great when everyone is thinking positively. you could give each person a braclet or a form of the braclet as a reminder. It would even be more fun if they could make their own personal braclet. It would be fun and a reminder of being positive. It could carry into the work place and they might introduce it to others. who knows it might make the world a better place! for behaviors and such regarding use of the braclet I think a lot of us are hard on ourselves as well as others. maybe not only taking away a day for negativity but adding one for major positivity might be an idea. Otherwise some might think they will never finish…lol… I myself fall into tht catagory of being too hard on myself. Oh just finished your book and cant wait to start the life style changes for fatloss. thanks for the great intel!!
I just wear a rubber band and pop it each time I screw up. It gets popped a lot!
Informative post. I could use this since I am going through a rough patch.
To summarize: We just need to change our perspective. That is the key. Think about it.
I wouldn't find the post office situation anything other than pleasurable. The more frustrating and annoying the more opportunity to work on self control, and non attachment. Without labels there is no attachement as the mind can only dwell upon that which it stops. For the party I would fill the floor with sand. I wouldn't tell them and would request they remove their shoes socks and roll up their trousers when they arrived. Ps. Yea I know the topic is old but it's in Tims favourites so i felt it must have value.
Tim, The world is full of hypocrites and small, so called white lies. And we wont mention the big ones…its become commonplace and almost socially acceptable to say stuff to fit in or to please that you dont mean. I have done this many times and each time I do this I find myself afterwards thinking " oh man, you did it again!" I would like a band to switch sides each time i catch myself being untrue to myself or to my higher principles. Seems benign, but dont forget, it also enhances self-awareness, another important aspect to self development, if not the very foundation itself. I just hope the band is lomg lasting and very elastic, it will have a lifetime of frequent switcheing ahead..hehe.. I also want to tell you that you are changing my life with your books. Myself a life experiemnter find a lot of what you write and have done is highly relevant to my own life and has been experimented with already. I have been into the chinese ancient methods of health and find a lot of inspiration there. And… Lots of experiemt material! Life is so interesting when you the whole globe in all the different facets and people. We can learn so much from others…amazing! Sharing is the key. Keep sharing with us, dude. You are easy to read and that makes it fun. Cheers, from somewhere on the road J.
What other behavior, besides complaining, do you think people should stop? How could (they) train themselves to stop? ?Shallow breathing. Henna or temporary tattoo with a choice of breathing symbols that remind you to take a few deep breaths all the way in and out. Bonus: If you were holding a party for 100 VIPs in SF or NYC and had no budget (or no more than $1,000, whichever you prefer), what would you do to make the event memorable and fun? ?Parimutuel betting on unusual animal racing (I've seen crab racing and they had turtles on a recent House episode). ?Mixers where people can interact electronically only for a certain period and then meet each other and try to figure out who was who, again with a time limit. Might offer prizes for the first couple to find each other, most contradictory exchange. ?City tour of unusual places; famous brothels, places that are the opposite of what they were, boring places that are amazing or have amazing histories. ?Learning and shared experiences are some of the cheapest ways to make good memories.
Behaviours to stop: dominating conversation – whether its a person you've just met or a long standing friend. Most conversations between two people are dominated by one, primarily due to insecurities about themselves. How to train themselves: When starting the conversation ask the other person a question, any questions, rather than making a statement or talking to them. Could be any question – how are you, what have you been up to today, how are the kids, etc? And give them the time and attention to let them finish. VIP part idea: Ask guests before the event to answer a question, and publish results during party – question could be anything topical or thought-provoking and is likely to produce eyebrow-raising results – and one that is likely to encourage action to a particular cause/initiative. Also, playing 80s music (should be in right age bracket) – good music is always a great way to soften the mood and get people to loosen up.
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We, (all of us humans collectiveally) need to use Gratitude daily to keep our balance, to remember what is really important…. Too much of our time is spent in mistreating ourselves, tearing down that which we have spent so much time in building it in the first place! Mainly by bad habits like "stinking thinking" (Zig Ziglar's phrase) are nutured by us most times subconsciously and in our worst times, out loud consciously! Bonus: To make the event a memorable one with little or no budget… 1. Use a public venue that holds special meaning in either city…an art gallery that used to be a school, library, etc. 2. Harness the creative component readily available in either city that can help to make it a one of a kind event thru their own creativity & passion! a. Hold a contest offering a cash award AND being put on the Planning team for the event to make full use of their gits being offered. 3. Create a "Giving" theme so the bulk of the proceeds that are raised thru various activities can be shared with the charity or charities chosen by the team. a. Activities could be Silent Auction of items offered by Team members, invited guests and businesses that want an introduction to the guests. 4. Coordinate the event for maximum impact on all attendees to leave the lasting message that is to be transmitted …i.e.–Giving—Bracelets(Like your idea!), business card that is to be given to others who need the message… Something that makes the person smile or laugh makes it work better! Cordially, Jeff Coutts
I would have to say that I struggle the most with negative self talk… I Tell myself the opposite of what I really want to hear and believe just because I have heard it, seen examples of it, or felt it or said it to myself before. The truth of the situation being that I can change everything by believing differently comes latter response not first nature… I still tell myself crap like, "I cant have what I want" constantly and I have to shut it down manually every time.. I believe its killing my effectiveness. A way to kill this complex permanently would be amazing! Positive Experiments in what you can actually accomplish if you eliminate doubt and believe you can could be momentous. As for the city… I like dduncombs idea about mixers.. I think this would be really interesting.. fun of course but mostly interesting.. to re-post his idea: ?Mixers where people can interact electronically only for a certain period and then meet each other and try to figure out who was who, again with a time limit. Might offer prizes for the first couple to find each other, most contradictory exchange.
I don't know if you get time to read our comments or not but I really love your blogs Tim Ferriss. The first thing I do each morning is read at least something from your blog or your book 4HWW. I'm really interested in reading Entrepreneurship, Internet Marketing, Self Development, Public Speaking and much more, its amazing how I find most of the areas get covered up in your blog. You mentioned Radical Honesty here, I didn't really like that book but when I started listening to this guy Perzan Irani from the Rawbrahs' team (on Facebook and YouTube) I find it damn interesting. They like you as they live your kind of lifestyle, travelling, eating healthy, workouts, retreats, radical honesty & lot more, I think you should watch their video for once. I just completed MBA and before few months was looking for a job but Thanks Tim, through your blogs I've realized that I should follow my dreams & now I'm finding ways to turn them into reality of Public Speaking and being an Entrepreneur. Please at least once write something that encourages me to fulfill my dreams as I feel like you are my mentor. Thanks. 🙂
When I first heard of the 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment it was through this website. I liked the concept, but I agreed with Tim on the idea that not being able to tell others when they are complaining was counterproductive. So I thought about why Will Bowen would have that a part of his rules. I came to the conclusion that while constructive criticism is always good, people do not want to hear someone correcting them, even if it is a minister or an all-around good person. I also came to the idea that before you can help others, you must help yourself. That means, in this case, that if one wants to tell others that they are complaining, they must first pass the test the themselves. The experiment seems to not only attempt to stop complaining, but also general comments and statements that people do not want to hear. Thank you Tim for have this post; it is fantastic. And thank you Will Bowen for writing the book.
I like it but I want to add one modification: no complaining unless you use Olde English. Example: "This iPhone update doth vex me sore!"
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Do you still use this, Tim? I could try it as a new years eve promise 🙂
Ahh…love this! I've been complaining about complaining for weeks! Enough already! I've put my own complaining to the test and so far…1 day. But then…I'm taking it 1 day at a time. 🙂 Thanks for a great book! – My bible is the 4-hour workweek, and I'm getting into it…soaking it up and doing as much as I can. Taking it with me everywhere for when I have that extra minute. I plan on having lots of leisure time very soon. Thanks Tim!
Tim, I know I am waaaaaay late on this thread, but I had to say this. This is awesome. At uni, a girl (that I was trying to hook up with) and I would frequently give ourselves "Suicidal Honesty Week" challenges, where we were prohibited from telling a single lie for an entire week. It sucked. But by the end of the week we always felt refreshed and focused. Thanks for sharing this amazing post. Cheers!
Hi T, Just the real McCoy. Tim Ferriss — I am he. 🙂 Tim
Hi Otto! Very glad for you and wish you success! You are my HERO! 🙂 Because people used to compain and rarely change themselves. I tried this method three years ago when I read one book (unfortunatly don't remember the name) where author recommended to put rubber bracelet on hand and use it everytime when you are thinking bad about yourself or will let negative thoughts go on. I tried it…really it works, when you are starting to control your negative thoughts you are switching on how to solve occured problem and become Solver but not Complain-dealer :). wiSH YOU goood luck! With respect to you, Rumiya
Thanks for the kind words and comment, Sheryl! Go get 'em! 🙂 Onward and upward, Tim
Wow….Thank you Tim, that's really sweet of you to reply me. You should make a trip to India as there are people (me) who love listening to you live. 🙂
You know Tim, I wake up to two things, one is your comment above and other Steve Jobs' two Quotes of Crazy Ones & about following Heart & Intuition. I've watched all your videos from masterlock77 and can get a clear picture of your struggle, enjoyed most of 'em right from China Scam, Squatting in China & that break dance was amazing until your last random episode. My real B-school is your blog and I love suggesting it to many like the day before yesterday when someone needed help in writing, sent a link of your post of John Romaniello. Where I live in India its all about sending girls to kitchen (though I love cooking over a decade now) & if work then its either bank or school. But the moment I completed MBA read 4HWW & your blog hence determined to be an Entrepreneur and turn my ideas to a startup and an app. My real intention is to help education sector through a smart way out but that's not an issue now. I wanna fund ideas myself by working. Would you please help me as I'm confused at a point? I tried not disturbing you as you get tons of e-mail as per your tweet yesterday but really need a mentor right now. You know sometimes we need a coach or mentor and if that's you! Thanks. 🙂