“My tardiness in answering your letter was not due to press of business. Do not listen to that sort of excuse; I am at liberty, and so is anyone else who wishes to be at liberty. No man is at the mercy of affairs. He gets entangled in them of his own accord, and then flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.”
— Seneca
“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin
For me, 2025 will be a year of shipping new things. There’s lots in the hopper.
Today, I’m pleased to announce my first book in more than seven years.
It’s been in the works for a long time and is currently 500+ pages. This time around, I’ll be doing things very differently.
The book, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK, is a blueprint for how to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don’t. Don’t let the title mislead you; it’s probably the most life-affirming book I’ve ever written.
It details the exact strategies, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and more that I and others use to create focus, calm, and meaning in a world of overwhelming noise.
THE NO BOOK contains all of the best tricks and tools that I’ve collected over the last 15 years, in addition to those of world-class performers. Lots of my friends make cameos, and I’m sharing details that I’ve kept closely guarded until now. If you’ve wanted to know how my life and business work with only three full-time employees, this will show you.
What else is different about this book?
– Though I drafted the bones years ago, I brought in a close friend as a co-writer and co-experimenter. This is my first time ever collaborating on a book, and it’s been an amazing and hilarious adventure. I’m thrilled with the results, and I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
– Unlike my last five books, we’re going to first release this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.
– We will also create a community for early readers, who will be able to read and experiment together, support one another, and provide us with feedback on the book. We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn’t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.
– The plan may change. In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and try something else.
– To read THE NO BOOK first and get other exclusives, you just need to subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday newsletter. That’s where the magic will happen. It’s easy to unsubscribe anytime.
***
Now, I don’t want to give too many spoilers, and the exact timeline will be announced soon, but I won’t leave you without a sample.
Two chapters are coming up tout de suite.
But first, what of that collaborator?
Well, he made an appearance in The 4-Hour Body when I force-fed him into gaining muscle, but he’s better known as the ten-time New York Times best-selling author of The Game, The Dirt, Emergency, and others. He’s written liner notes for Nirvana and received hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of duty at The New York Times, wrote cover stories for Rolling Stone, and almost got killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Truth. He and I even have the same haircut.
Most relevant here, he busted my balls for not finishing this book sooner, and that’s how we ended up here.
So why don’t I let him tell the story in his words?
INTRODUCTION
By Neil Strauss
The goal of life is to make good decisions.
And decisions are the simplest thing in the world. They just consist of a single choice between two words: yes or no.
Through this binary choice, much like the way a computer builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our destiny.
These two options, however, are not created equal. There is just a tiny sliver of the world that we have the time to experience. So, we are called to filter through the nearly infinite spectrum of all that is available to us… and say no to almost everything. The more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose.
And I am failing at my life purpose.
I say yes to fucking everything.
This is why I decided to help write this book. Not just to help you but to help me reclaim my life.
When I was trying to decide what to share in this introduction, I called Tim for his thoughts.
“Can you think of a recent example where you said yes to something you shouldn’t have?” he asked.
My ex-wife was sitting next to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to come up with an example: “Janet’s costume party tonight.”
We all probably have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and persistent, in the kindest and most enthusiastic way, that I have trouble saying no to her. To her, a yes is a legally binding agreement. A maybe is a yes. And a no is the beginning of a guilt trip that ends when you fold and say maybe—which she then takes to mean yes, making it a legally binding agreement.
“So just cancel,” Tim wisely suggested.
“I can’t,” I replied unwisely.
“See?” Ingrid gloated. “I rest my case.”
Her case was indeed rested. On my guilty conscience.
I grew up in a home where saying no wasn’t an option. A no would get you a stern lecture, a long grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of love. So as an adult, I became existentially terrified that every no would come with some sort of blowback, such as losing a friendship, an opportunity, or someone’s good will. And now I give my time—and my life—away, sometimes to people who have been publicly shitty to me. They call this trauma bonding. It’s my specialty.
Not like Tim.
Tim is the master of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his text messages have an auto-response that reads:
I’m traveling overseas until Nov 7. If your text is urgent, please reach out to someone on my team. Otherwise, please resend your text after Nov 7 if it still applies. Since catching up would be impossible, I’ll be deleting all messages upon my return and starting from scratch. Thank you.
Deleting three weeks worth of messages! That is boss-level no.
It’s basically saying: The message you sent me is your priority, not automatically mine.
It’s a screaming yes to life.
It is truly an act of courage to not worry about how every single person who receives that text is going to react to being deleted. And this is just a small, everyday example of Tim’s time mastery. Here’s how incredible Tim is at saying no at a world-record level:
Five years ago, he called to tell me he was writing a book on how to say no. He wanted me to contribute an essay to it.
I didn’t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: “Yes, I’ll do it!”
I didn’t want Tim to be mad at me or stop asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a friend and talk shit about me to Naval Ravikant.
Afterward, I spent a week writing a chapter for his project, and grumbling about how I should be spending the time working on my own book. After all, people pleasers like me live in constant resentment. We blame other people’s requests for our bad decisions.
I finished the essay and sent it to Tim, as did many others. Tim sent some follow-up questions, just to take up more of our time and make sure we regretted our decision, then he did something incredible:
He said no… to the whole book!
He has so thoroughly mastered the art that he actually said no to the book on no. And then went on to return the largest book advance he’d ever been given.
Wow, that was an impressive act of self-preservation. While it may take you five days to read a book, it can take him three years to write and research it. That’s three years of his life he gained back with a single no.
There was just one problem: I needed the book. As did so many others. It’s a war zone out here. Our devices and apps, even some of our home appliances, are constantly studying us, determining how to focus more of our attention on their business models. Under the guise of helping us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to phones, tablets, watches, even our cars. And if you don’t respond to the Janets of the world within fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable “Are you okay?” or “Are you upset at me?” message. Or even worse, the insidious “???”
Whether the challenge is the phone, other people, or our own compulsions, most of us need help saying no to what doesn’t matter and drains our life energy. So, I reached out and told Tim that if he didn’t want to finish the book, I would.
On the condition that he could cancel the whole endeavor anytime he liked with one no, he eventually sent me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, thoughts, writings, and collected information. I then set about organizing it into a book that would help myself and others live a more meaningful, connected, purpose-driven life by following the path of no.
But simply dispensing rejections isn’t the goal. You need amazing things worth defending. The path of no is also the path of selective yesses. This book is a guide to finding the critical few among the trivial many.
It’s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few. These may be people, partners, projects, places, and passions—yesses so incredibly fulfilling that they enable us to say no to everything else. In fact, you only have to get a few big yesses right to live a deeply successful and joyful life.
The book that follows was put together by the two of us from Tim’s notes and experiences; further discussions and research; lots of hilarious video calls; and contributions from other gurus of no, some of whom actually said no to us. We have included their rejections in the book as templates. Unless otherwise stated, every chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim’s perspective.
Hopefully by the end of this guide, we can all learn that there is a highway to happiness. And the borders that keep us on it, that prevent us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the word no.
TORSCHLUSSPANIK
By Tim Ferriss
I first realized I had a problem when everything was going right for me.
The day was May 2, 2007, just after 5:30 p.m. in New York, when I received a phone call I’ll never forget. My editor at Random House wanted to inform me that my debut book, The 4-Hour Workweek, had hit The New York Times bestseller list.
As her words sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed against the wall in shock, gratitude, and relief. Overnight, I was transformed from a guy begging people to answer his emails to someone on the other side. All kinds of requests and offers poured in. Speaking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, brand deals—it was a tsunami.
Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this might be my only 15 minutes of fame, I said “yes” to nearly everything, especially anything six, nine, or twelve months off in the distance. My calendar seemed like pristine water, clear as crystal for a brief lull. Then I had to pay the piper.
Rarely in the same place for more than a week, I felt more like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman than a jet-setting rock star. My assistants and I were getting hammered with hundreds, then thousands, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no idea how people got my private email addresses. We were drowning.
The irony was that my systems worked great. It was pure operator error.
In the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and following my own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and reactively grasping at shiny objects and shiny people. I was succumbing to what the Germans call Torschlusspanik: literally, “door-closing panic.”
The term comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would close at night—and any resident left outside would be forced to fend for themselves. Getting through those doors often meant survival.
In survival mode, I panicked. I stopped following my own rules. Once I made the first exception, the game was lost. It was death by a thousand paper cuts.
So, what the hell happened? Why didn’t I see it coming?
These habits are formed early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a family full of lovely and conflict-avoidant folks. This isn’t true for everyone in the extended clan, but it’s enough for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, more accurately, people-fearing—a distinction we’ll dive into later.
Before the publication of my book, with little inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were negligible. I came up with wild plans, went out hunting for opportunities, cold-emailed people to pitch ideas, and knocked things off my to-do list. After the success of the book, with 1000x more inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were catastrophic. The underlying fear and guilt came out in full force and wreaked havoc. I was being emailed and called by a Genghis Khan army of versions of myself (surprise, bitch!), and I didn’t have a playbook. Saying yes to other people’s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.
It took a while to unwind and figure out that I was doing it all wrong.
Twelve months later, I had stemmed a good portion of the blood loss. It was only possible because I had found a big YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at least 50% of the noise:
Startups.
I used the book’s popularity with technologists to begin investing in and advising startups, and I soon moved to San Francisco to be in the center of the action. The timing was good, and I had incredible luck (Shopify, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and more).
One afternoon, I found myself in the office of a CEO and friend. His company would later become one of the fastest-growing startups in history. That day, he was calm as usual, despite the chaos and noise of Market Street a few floors below. Once we’d caught up on the latest developments, the conversation meandered into productivity systems, and I asked how he thought about managing email. He spun his laptop around on his desk to show me his Gmail account. Once my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one thing:
84,000+ unread email.
Smiling at my shock, he said, “Inbox zero is a fallacy.”
Completely unfazed, he went on to explain a few policies he had. He ignored 99% of what came in. For much of what remained, his answer was a short, “Not up my alley. Thanks.”
If 10 different but appealing people asked him to grab dinner, he would invite those 10 people to a group dinner and kill many birds with one stone.
If he wanted to preserve political capital but decrease contact with certain people, he’d do the “slow fade”: He might first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, and then 20 days. “They will stop asking,” he noted.
Clearly, there were levels to filtering, and then there were levels to filtering. I took a photograph of his 84,000 unread count as a reminder.
Right after that meeting, I created a digital swipe file called “polite declines” in Evernote, a product made by another startup I advised. Starting that week in 2009, if anyone said no in a way that struck me as elegant or clever, I saved it. If a rejection somehow made me feel good, I saved it. If someone had great policies on their contact form, I saved it. If I came across a trick, tool, or philosophical reset for saying no—whether over a meal, via email, or at the airport—I saved it.
This book contains the highlights from that swipe file.
It’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to implement the advice here, but I’ve found rules, systems, and tools that make life a lot easier. Of course, these strategies apply to dealing with other people, including strangers, loose ties, and family. But they also apply to managing ourselves, especially those glitches in our mental operating system that act against our best interests.
I’ve also found ways to idiot-proof things and bring the lifeboat closer, such that when you do slip into overcommitting (it’ll happen), it’s one step to recovery instead of ten.
This book was originally written like my other books (i.e., Tim tests everything, writes about what works, then publishes), until I called Neil to see how a rewrite was coming on a rough draft.
“Hey, Tim, I’m in Copenhagen,” he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. “I’m at this conference I agreed to speak at, but now I’m hosting the whole thing, and it’s been taking up all my time.”
“That’s not good. I hope they’re paying you well.”
“They’re not paying me anything.” He paused and sighed. “And you’re not going to believe this, but I told the guy running the conference he could stay at my house when he’s in LA next month.”
“You what?! Has this book been working for you at all?”
He stammered a response, and we both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren’t enough. As my friend Derek Sivers puts it, “If more information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”
So, we rebuilt the book from the ground up as a daily, step-by-step experience with readings, exercises, and a complete plan that is relentlessly action-focused.
The first test subject was Neil. As he went through these exercises and steps, he added his own experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it’s clear that if you do the work, this book really, really works. The book is designed to meet you where you are on your no journey and take you further than you think possible.
And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules. Through these readings and exercises, you will pick up a toolkit that is uniquely your own, tailored to your specific goals, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters won’t be for you, but some will be especially for you.
The No Book is a Trojan Horse for becoming better at decision-making writ large. Decision-making is your life.
Everything from a job offer to a marriage proposal is a yes to one thing and a no to hundreds of thousands of other opportunities. It’s easy—the universal default—to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up stressed and reactive, wondering where your time has gone.
The No Book re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It will help you build a benevolent phalanx—a protective wall of troops—that guard your goals, your relationships, and more, making everything more easeful.
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.
If Neil can fix his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180—which he did—the sky is the limit.
So let’s start building you some wings.
###
Want to read more for free? Just sign up for 5-Bullet Friday. Tons coming soon.
P.S. Any thoughts or suggestions? Please let me know in the comments below! Comments here are far better than social media, as I’ll actually see them. And thanks for reading this far.
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
If I’ve already subscribed to 5 bullet Fridays, then I don’t have to do anything else for those sneak peek chapters. Right?
Hi, Josh –
You are correct!
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
Where can I get the two chapters (and join the community) if I am already subscribed to the weekly email of Tim?
Hi, Menon –
The two chapters are the INTRODUCTION and TORSCHLUSSPANIK above.
Being subscribed to 5-Bullet Friday is all you need to do right now to get updates on the community.
Thank you for checking out Tim’s post!
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
Hello, Team Tim Ferriss. I’m wondering if the book distinguishes Tim’s system and processes from other ones that have been discussed on his podcast. For instance, I just started reading Essentialism because of listening to Tim’s podcast with Greg McKeown. (Really enjoyed it, by the way!) Some of what is shared in the chapter above sounds a bit like figuring out the essential from the nonessential. Thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts and question.
Hi, Cami –
You can expect best practices from Tim and Neil and other experts, with sources and attributions always provided so that you may go deeper with the concepts that resonate with you.
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
Did I miss the chance to be an early reader? I wasn’t receiving the 5-Bullet Friday newsletter (got that worked out with Team Tim), but I don’t know if it’s too late.
Hi, Christine –
You haven’t missed the chance! Tim will announce next steps in the near future. Thanks for your interest!
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
I am already subscribed to the 5 bullet Friday. Is there anything else to be done to join this project? Many thanks for this amazing opportunity 🙏
Nothing else to be done right now, Salta!
Thank you for your interest!
Team Tim Ferriss
The draft chapters read very well and is vivid! I would be excited to see this almost dialog-like narration to continue: Two good friends finding a way to bring Neil on the NO journey and thereby developing a NO training for everybody. Just great, Tim & Neil! This book is exactly where Mark Manson has left off: You can only give a limited number of f*cks but you deliver the operationalization of it. Thank you!!
Nice intro. I hope you will consider a part of the book to address saying no to consumerism for the sake of it. This might go against the way you have made so many useful product recommendations and perhaps a lot of money, but many people have found joy in the simplicity and freedom found in saying no to frivolous and petty purchases, just because others have them or because they can afford them.
Secondly, it would be inspiring to see some reference to saying no to thoughts. Those curious bubbles of thought that we often turn into beliefs and dogmas that rule our life, simply because they appeared in consciousness. Just like we don’t often act on dreams (sleeping thoughts) there is some light to be found in just observing thoughts as transitory images that really hold no weight, when they’re referenced against reality. Perhaps you could bring in Sam Harris to eloquently elucidate this point. Love your work and hope you find happiness. Cheers.
Good edits/comments so far from your readers. My only comment is from 25,000 feet; this first piece has set the hook in me and I look forward to seeing and experiencing the rest. It certainly defines my current life in both business and personal and while I say no to many things, it is clear that a mastery is needed. It seems the better I am about NO’s, the more successful and happy I am. Which, in turn, leads to needing to be even better at NOs. Quite a cycle, so I am intrigued. Cheers
Back in the early 1980s, I had the fastest “NO”. As soon as someone would ask, “Can you…”, I would fire back “NO” before they could get out the third word. Most would walk away. A few would persist. That weeded out a lot.
Hell yeah! This book is going to be awesome. I’d love to be one of the testers!
I was sceptical about the coauthoring but after listening to your podcast with Neil, I decided it was worth a try. So far, I’m loving it!
I’m not a people-pleaser but I’m still going to read this because Tim is the GOAT
Looking forward to this “No” book. Really curious to see if can help me to find more of my Fuck yeses . Thanks for being so publicly vulnerable the last few years Tim.
I love this introduction sample you’ve given us. I think it’s an amazing practice that you are inviting us to join you on, and as a recovering people pleaser it’s great to have an action based approach with a community to work things out with! Bravo to this much needed work.
I love what I’ve read so far! But the working title repels me. I don’t know why exactly. Maybe some of us fear becoming the type of people who never leave our comfort zones, so saying “no” all the time feels like regression. Obviously, the book you’ve actually written speaks to something different, but I’m just telling you that I would probably turn away from a book with that title if I didn’t know more about it.
I’m excited by this book Tim. The writing style is crisp and enjoyable so far and you are a master at getting to the nub of what works (I’m currently doing kettlebell swings to get in shape – point proven). If you have a roadmap for overcoming a lifetime of people pleasing, then I’m all in. I enjoyed Essentialism, but feel there is definitely space for a deeper dive into this idea. For now, I’m thoroughly enjoying the grammatical puzzle in the thread below, of how to use “No” without creating a confusing sentence.
Saying yes to something inevitably results in a no to something else, often unintentionally disappointing those close to you. Intentionally disappointing someone by saying no, is probably the better way to go.
You’re on a mission from God. This book could not come at a better time. Thank you.
Was always wanting to read the Courage to be disliked. Struggle with achieving personal goals vs spending social time with friends and famiy… eg alone while training vs getting together for coffee.. vs being at home cooking cleaning and supporting my kids. Time Management and when to say no is important to me.
You and Neil together.. what a dream.
Love to see more fleshed out examples for how/why this applies to the everyday person (someone who doesn’t have thousands of requests for speaking gigs)
Tim, congrats on what “no” doubt has been a challenging labor of love. I am looking forward to the entirety of your book.
I must admit that I am concerned about the nuances of your concept. Should make great reading. I philosophically believe it is the “yes” in life that opens growth and opportunity and the expansion of comfort zones. However, I do also believe in the power of “no” – a brief but excellent presentation of this is included in Kevin Eastman’s book “Why the Best are the Best” – a book I believe you will love if you have not already read it.
I am curious … how do you address Aristotle’s concept of balance with “no”? Are you concerned that either too much (excess), or too little (deficiency), of the “no” will create an unhealthy imbalance in life? That is a question I will find intriguing while studying your concept and your book when it is available.
Oh, and isn’t it a bit ironic that we are all looking forward to saying yes to your work on “The No Book”? What does that say?
BTW, love your work, dude. And, the best thing about Friday is your 5 Bullets.
Scott D
Thought on book title: touchy perhaps, but how about “No Means Know” (as in know what you are saying yes too). Or, perhaps “When No Means Yes”
Just a couple of ideas …
Good start. Looking forward for the next few chapters.
“It’s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few.” Thanks to Tim, I have become comfortable saying no. However, I am struggling to find a few big yesses. Would love to see a section of the book focusing on how to find a “BIG YES”.
YES! I’ve been waiting for this book ever since you mentioned the concept on a podcast some years ago. I’ve gotten good at saying no (especially since turning 30) but I want to get great at it. Can’t wait to read, Tim and Neil.
I love the concept. I like your own stories of your struggles to model what you were writing. I am excited to read more. Sabrina B
Congratulations, Tim and Neil. I am excited to read more! Neil’s insights in the first chapter resonated deeply with me, particularly the concept that our decisions, though seemingly simple choices between yes and no, are profoundly impactful. Neil’s point that ‘the more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose’ has shed light on my own experiences as a people-pleaser. I look forward to reading more and learning from your insights on how to handle “no.”
This is very exciting! Good reading so far. I have a feeling that this is going to be an exciting experiment with longer lasting effects than I expect…. Lots of Gratitude to Team Tim & all who read this.
So excited to go on this adventure with you two. But 500 pages?! Looking forward to seeing where it takes us. Any input from mothers in this book? How about saying No to family?
I wonder how useful this book will be for “regular people.” I love that Neil is the guinea pig but at the same time, Neil and Tim both have ultra-successful lives, more opportunities, and larger resources than the average person. I wonder if the tactical advice will extrapolate to a person with less opportunities and less resources but still needing to learn how to prioritize the competing demands on their time.
If this book is mostly for the highly successful, you should consider acknowledging that right off in the intro. If it has universal principles that apply to all, you should indicate that in the intro so regular people will keep reading. The Janet story seems to imply that Neil struggles with the same problems the average person encounters when it comes to prioritizing; but Tim’s section then makes it seem un relatable. Maybe Tim could add a more down to earth example to go along with the becoming a NY times best seller example.
I’m very excited to read this new book. I am curious how the average reader will be able to engage with this material. Like every good yes addict, I’m nervous about the hypothetic loss of opportunity by not being excessively available.
Sorry, having a hard time getting past Neil Strauss. He may be a great writer, but as a feminist I have to say it’s a bad choice especially for a guy who’s openly looking for a baby mama. So disappointed.
As I’m attempting to read about your no book, and relishing the thoughts, your blog keeps posting things over the script for me to do this or do that….just the opposite of the concept that I think you’re attempting to get across. However, I could say “no” and not do something like give a comment—yet I feel compelled.
I love the Willy Loman reference – my first introduction to parallel monologues.
Sounds like we’re talking.
The serial publishing scheme feels brilliant, force me to focus rather than skim to what I think works best for me.
Generally what I think works best for me hasn’t.
The last book in serial that I recall (angrily) was The Green Mile by Stephen King.
So angry at the end of the chapter, threw the book across the room and waited for the next section.
Waiting with bated breath.
Looking forward to coming along for the ride, learning and contributing. Thanks for not saying NO to this a second time
As a people pleaser with porous to non-existent boundaries, I cannot wait to read more!
I’m currently reading “The Myth of Normal” by Dr. Gabor Mate, and there is chapter on his methodology “Compassionate Inquiry (CI)” where he encourages you to ask questions to yourself such as “In my life’s important areas, what am I not saying no to?”, and “How does my inability to say no impact my life?”.
I’m willing to bet this had some influence or mention in your new book, since he’s been a guest on your podcast.
I look forward to reading the book Tim!
You quoted Derek Sivers in one of the mentor books “If it isn’t a “HELL YES!” then it’s a no, and I got a huge productivity boost from that. More time for hell yes.
The no templates in tribe of mentors literally changed my life 100x for the better, and now that you are dedicating a whole book to it, this is going to be a game changer. Can’t wait!
You had me at Neill Strauss…I love both of your writing styles and really look forward to this book. I have learned so much from you over the years and cannot thank you enough for all your insights.
Can’t wait to read this!
I’m so glad this book his been written! I remember Tim mentioning it years ago on the podcast and thought I NEED this book. Years later, I’m in even deeper need of this book. Loved the first two chapters and can relate. I’m currently sitting here with shoulders to my ears, agonizing about a ‘no’ that needs to be said. I currently do not have the words or the courage. My life is not mine and I would love to live what’s left of it with some agency. If there is an opportunity to be an early reader/tester I would gladly jump at the chance.
Love it and cant wait for the rest
The struggle is real.
I made a punch card to help me…to limited success.
Initially, I wasn’t sure if I needed to say “no” more. I felt I was decent at being intentional with my time.
However, the more I read and understood Neil’s struggles and Tim’s story about the CEO, the more excited I became about trying these exercises.
I also love Tim’s experiment with releasing a few chapters at a time through the newsletter and blog. I look forward to seeing how this all pans out, and perhaps Tim will discuss it on the podcast or on a Random Show with Kevin.
Thank you, Tim and team!
Great first few chapters, I’m hooked and want to keep reading…
One area I’m hoping this book will explore is NOT what to do when we are bombarded with requests such as Tim after publishing the 4HWW, that is not reality for 99.9% of us but rather, how to take a standard life of 9 to 5 till 65 and actually pull our head out of our asses to look around and do something worthwhile (however the person defines it) with our lives. Along those lines, I’d like to see an evaluation of the big 4: Marriage/Partner, Work, Place to Live, Kids…saying Yes to these is saying NO to countless other life paths.
Tim, I love the idea behind the book, and can’t wait to read it. As I went through the first few paragraphs, I felt like it would also be a book that I gift friends. Can’t wait to read the full book.
Loved the first two chapters! Can’t wait to get into the meat of the book. Tim, I have been a fan of yours for many years. I have all of your books – in print, on my kindle and some on audible as well. I haven’t listened to all of your podcasts, but the ones that I have listened to, contributed deeply to the quality of my life.
I am going on 80 years old and I need to get a life. I say it like that because I want to point out that I do not think this book was written for someone like me, but I know – I trust – that I will get value from it, anyway! I remember reading the 4-Hour Work Week when I had just moved to Florida and was preparing to live with and care for my husband’s elderly parents. I did not “need” the book, and was not looking for anything special, but it changed my life just the same. It changed my way of thinking – the way I saw the world, and the way I looked at problems. Thank you so much Tim, for hanging in there with us – for being there all these years. You have in many ways already given me a life, and I look forward to continuing the positive forward motion.
People pleaser looking for advice on how to say no here. After reading this post I was patiently waiting for the following week’s 5 bullet Friday for another chapter, but sadly it didn’t include one. I hope you release more along with the whole book soon!
I am one of your ‘1,000 True Fans’ and would buy anything you’re selling. Can’t wait for this book, Tim!
Idea du jour: Let’s gamify this yet-to-be-formed community to help build content for the book and/or subsequent editions, blog posts, podcast questions, and generally advance the Art of No in society.
Treat it like the Academy Awards of No with as many specialized categories as your staff wants to review. All submissions must be real, as in sent to a live human and not staged just to enter the contest. (The No Police will randomly verify the best ones with the recipients).
Top 5 in each category from your staff get voted on by the community and each winner gets a coveted Nophy (like a trophy but it’s a Tim bobblehead that only turns left and right) and maybe a t-shirt that says “Just Say No” with Nancy Reagan crossed out and Tim’s smiling mug next to her.
I think it’s the start of a great idea. If you disagree, thank you for sharing your truth with your No. (Gracefully receiving a No needs to be a chapter or three as well).
“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is a nobler art of leaving things undone….The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. –Lin Yutang, Chinese writer and educator
I have kept this quote on my refrigerator for over 5 years.
Our current culture–the Zeitgeist–encourages us to run ourselves into the ground, to have more, be more and do more. To what end? We are not gods.
Know your essentials, always.
Wow, this seems like a very cool and unique idea! As a lifelong people-pleaser, I’m so excited to see what these steps will look like.
Hi Tim.
Just like Decision Fatigue, it’s easy to get “no fatigue.”
I feel like I truly do say “no” a lot, whether it is to food, purchases, or social media distractions…. but fatigue can set in!
I look forward to reading your book.
-Danny O
Super interested to hear the personal philosophy behind the “no” in this book, especially after listening to your meaningful discussions with Boyd Varty, Martha Beck, Diana Chapman etc.
Everyone wants to know the secret to living fully and setting boundaries without conflict, when of course the secret is, you can’t. I still work on being brave enough to let other people be unhappy–your clarification of “people pleasing” as the mask of “people fearing” was one of those startling little truths that will stick with me.
I’ve found the people who really love me don’t resent my boundaries, and I’m also more comfortable around people who tell me “no” because it means I can trust their “yes.” Every time I don’t punish someone else for saying no to me, I believe in that mercy a little more for myself as well. And I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes when you won’t say “no”, your body will do it for you. Funny how saying “no” is a little thread that can pull on the whole tapestry of how you’re living.
I’d love to be part of your community of early readers, and congrats on the new book! 🙂
I am very excited for the new book and enjoyed the first two chapters! Thank you for the opportunity to read sections of the book as they are released on the newsletter.
In short, I interpreted the idea of the book as a guide to improving ones ability to say no to any unnecessary overcommitments and distractions. It is a perfect continuation from the 4HWW as it helps hone your attention in on the things you choose to have in your life and spend time on.
After reading the first two chapters I am left with one question: is Tim planning on incorporating a chapter or section of the book dedicated to figuring out what you want, not only how to get it?
To me, in order to say no and narrow your focus you need to know what to say yes to. Where do you put your attention when you’vee said no to all else, not only just how to say no. Especially, how can one approach nay-saying when one does not have a set out path or major focuses in your life yet?
I am asking this as I am a soon-to-be university graduate with the world as my oyster. At this point I am paralysed by the choices I have – I can essentially do anything. For me it is difficult to decide what to do. The how is the next problem. Is there any chance this will be elaborated on in the coming chapters or could be included at some point?
Thank you again for your help and I look forward to all that is to come. Also, a huge thank you to you and your team for all the fantastic work you do.
I’ve said No to reading all 599 comments that were posted before me, but I’d like to say what I’d be interested to learn – I struggle to choice to what to say NO, so I tend to delay the decision and keep the options open, so not saying no, but not jumping in. e.g. the career path, there different option , all of them have a potential to work great, but I’ve been building one path for the past 13 years, and I keep on going due to sunk cost, but I have doubts should I change the path now, to move to more creative field .. I’m thinking about it for few years and not taking any action, I’m not all in into current path, and not changing either. Looking forwards to read about it.! Thank you!
Buongiorno, dopo aver iniziato a leggere sono molto molto confusa e combattuta e questo significa che ci sono dei blocchi che l’argomento mette in luce…non vedo l’ora di andare avanti nella lettura per sciogliere tutte le mie resistenze. Grazie!
Looks promising. Especially in a world with more and more choices around every corner. Looking forward to the rest. It can be more difficult saying no and reducing distractions in the corporate world due to not always having control of what work you’re asked to do and when you need to do it. Hopefully the book touches on this as well, or the strategies are at least still applicable.
Fantastic, Tim! I’m incredibly excited to read more and put your ideas into practice! I’ve been a follower of yours since „The 4-Hour Work Week,“ and I genuinely appreciate your work.
By the way, I also admire your honesty in your own life, whether it’s about your relationship or your single status.
My biggest question for Tim — how much of your orientation to the world do you think is malleable?
Specifically, if you are someone more prone to focus on problems than blessings, how much can you reorient yourself?
I feel like a common affliction seems to be orienting oneself to search for potential problems to such an extent that you never really transition out of that problem searching mindset and truly feel the joy of living the ‘improved’ life you’ve created through this quest to find and solve problems.
But maybe some people are just happier on the problem solving journey because it feels more authentic and meaningful than trying to pretend you’re smelling the roses. Is smell even a malleable sense?
Is the plan to still release the book serially? That was the plan in this post, and it was also mentioned in the Seth Godin interview. Just curious what the release timeline looks like and when opportunities to experiment with the concepts and provide feedback will be available.
I would make a donation to Tim’s foundation to be part of the book beta testing community.
Regarding Tim’s ultimate decision to write the book. What was the process of having a “yes”, move to a “no”, and back to a “yes”?
Regarding the community of The No Book, I have been deep in the Mighty world, creating and leading communities. Can I help with The No Book community?
Tim,
Do you intend on merging concepts from the 4 hour work week with AI?
Looking forward to more, Tim and team. I’m working on a No book as well. Surely, different from Tim’s. But, I suspect we’ll touch on a couple things in common. Happy to be considered for the community. (I was part of Seth’s Purple Space community for This is Strategy. Look me up in the acknowledgments!)
Concept, stories & methods—exercises & format for release—all super curiosity-raising. ‘HORRIBLE’ as in can’t wait, a very lovely comment above and MOTIVATING because personally a synchronicity is in my considering this method of release and adventure-testing too (on myself as well as others), so Thank You for the opportunity and for shining interstellar light on the method-possibility—it’s awesome to see the responses in community. My book / journey subject is specific and different, but yours deeply relates—there’s no escape from decisions! Looking forward to this working release & the lessons you’re both sharing. A big teenage memory is of teaching a friend who couldn’t say no, using fun practice with obvious examples, to say no. As a parent, one of the imaginary characters my kids & I invented was “mental lentil” who would say a hyperfast no to *everything* … somehow it’s still hilarious for us when he reappears. But … I know I still have a lot to learn.
”Yes”, I have a good feeling about the book. It is clever and sophisticated. Not for everyone. I always liked this type of books. Thank you and I am looking forward to read more.
At the moment I am reading “Tools of Titans”. Nice!!!
What a delightful evolving! I’d love to be part of the spirited experimenters. No kidding!
Good timing… Sign me up!
Cool, I’m excited for this.
This also gave me joy in realizing how fortunate it is to have a calendar open to possibility.
Hi Tim,
Thank you for sharing the chapters with the community.
What you wrote about people pleasing resonates. I’ve realized that there are layers of people pleasing, though. When people talk about being a people pleaser, I feel like they often refer to the instances where, say, they offer coffee to their guests as soon as they come in, and then a slice of cake, for example.
But then there are those “true,” or perhaps more accurately, “chronic” people pleasers. They (we) can’t help but go out of our ways to please others, make their wishes come true, offer them things they didn’t even know they needed or wanted. We come up with all sorts of creative ways to “be of service” as well.
When this type of people pleaser “awakens,” they want to punch themselves everytime the instinct to please others appears. (It’s actually incredibly hard to punch yourself if you’ve never tried it.) But then, a point comes, and you just max out, drop all your bags or tools or what have you and “leave the people pleasing land.” At least you want to. Because boy, does the instinct follow you…
Tim, I’d love to read what else you have to say about this topic and be a beta reader if possible.
Feel free to say no 🙂
Peace.
Can’t wait for the next chapter.
Silly question, perhaps, but has Tim explained what the cadence of publishing will be yet?
PS loving with combination of these two!
“We both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren’t enough.” I felt so relieved when I reached this sentence! As someone who knows pathological people-pleasing all too well from firsthand experience, I was growing more and more discouraged reading about how smoothly Tim’s transformation from ‘yes’ to ‘no’ went. But then I regained my hope. I’m looking forward to more!
Love the start of this. As a small business owner who works in the entertainment industry I read your 4 hour workweek when it came out and loved it, but found it almost impossible to apply to my industry which is made up of connections and 12 hour days on film sets. In the years since I have applied some principals and it seems like I was getting to the part of saying no, so I am extremely excited about reading the next chapter
I like how this is set up practically. It’s also very exciting that two of my favorite experimental authors have collaborated practically on a very important topic.
I’m excited to see how the practical advice is put together.
I also wonder if starting or ending this chapter with one small easy to implement action step would be helpful? I’ll read chapter to confirm how I feel about this.
a recovering people pleaser, my own journey of learning to say no involves fundamental shifts in: 1) how I see myself, and 2) how I relate to myself in relation to others. These shifts came from being compassionate witnessed by a few talented therapists.
There is also the practical aspect. I might believe that my needs are important enough to reject / disappoint others, but my body is not used to the sensations of speaking up for myself. I have strengthened this muscle through very skilled body based work exploring these topics, through group practices of saying no, and getting used to how it feels like in your body, gradually shifting from fawning response to your authentic anger / power which often times bring up deep sadness / grief in the process.
So I am very curious about how you would address all these aspects in the book and very curious to hear how Neil managed to do a 180.
Aloha. As an almost lifelong people pleaser (61 years!), I’ve only recently begun to prioritize MYSELF as THE person to please. I’m still on that journey of reframing and putting myself firmly first, which is difficult after years of societal priming and expectations I’ve created for years.
I need this book, mahalo nui!
Yes !! We need this book in our lives and you have gotten to the root of wha so many of us are grappling with in this day and age. I look forward to reading more
You’re totally on point with this. I’ve just read this bollocks when I should have said no. Well done team Ferris.
I like the simplicity of the title but it makes me think “Know what?” I see “No” but because I equate Tim with so much knowledge, I somehow here “The Book of Know”.
I am so excited to read the chapters. As a relatively less intense version of Neil Strauss, I appreciate his potential explanation of being raised in a house hold where “no” did not go well. I never thought of it this way. Having language to say no in respectful but people pleasing ways, coupled with having a framework on how to prioritize the “yes” would be extremely valuable to me. I work in large tech company and have painfully learned the price of saying yes to most things. I still do not know how to say no, without being rude, weird or awkward. Please add me to your early readers list. Thank you for writing and sharing this blog.
I immediately thought of the reluctant commitment I made for tomorrow afternoon and decided, “I won’t cancel it until I’ve read chapters 2 and 3.” I hate saying no. This book is going to be good for me IF I can apply it to my life. Thanks! Maybe if I read Chapters 2 and 3, I’ll cancel my commitment for tomorrow. ( I’ve already made it more important in my mind by calling it a commitment rather than a plan.). Thanks Tim and Neil.
Random thought – I LOVE THIS CONCEPT BTW (I have a similar background/childhood experience as Neil which makes saying no terrifying at times.. I’ve had to practice with things as minor as saying no to waitresses suggestions etc) longest aside in the history of mankind over – but as far as the title goes, have you considered “the book of no”? Maybe it’s already taken… it feels quasi biblical (like “the book of job”) and apocalyptic, which saying “no” feels like to some people (me). Anyway – I love your work and what you’re up to with this. I can’t wait to read it and implement the actions and tactics in my own life. There may be hope for me yet! Thanks for putting this out there, Tim!
Lacey Hunter
Yes, please!
Thank you!!!!
Only that you need a , after “no” in the below paragraph:
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life.
I look forward to reading the rest.
I remember hearing Tim in his podcast a few years ago speaking about writing this book and I got excited, then I remember him saying he was putting writing this on hold. Reading the intro and the preface, I realized 2 things, First Neil and I are spirit animals, I cannot say ‘no” to anything and I feel that has put me in a bad spot professionally. At one point my boss gave me an award called “The Yes Man Award”, which made their point of me needed to prioritize better.
Second this I realized, I really need this book, I would be a great case study on the impact of it. Cannnot wait to continue to follow the journey of this books evolution and cannot wait to get my hands on a copy to really transform my “Yes Man” personality.
I’m pretty sure you filled your beta community quickly, but if there’s any chance you still need active contributers, count me in! I’d classify myself easily as a people pleaser. In my defense I think community bonding has its life-saving benefits and it’s more of a resource for me currently than I would like due to pressing economic problems in my country Venezuela. A little bit of wanting to please others, I think, keeps us human. The problem is when you can’t see the way to your personal happiness because you are mired by the wants, do’s and dont’s of other people, even if those people wish you well. My goal: I want to say no when I feel it isn’t a “hell, yes!” and, in doing so, feel good about myself. I’m also an extremely curious person, so I’m excited to see what you will come up with and what kind of feedback you’ll get out of the no-exercises!
Just wow. Can’t wait to read the rest. There are a thousand reasons we say “yes” when we want to say “no”. Even those of us who don’t think of ourselves as people pleasers still paint ourselves into a “yes” corner. I get outwitted by the passive-agressive. sigh
I’m a little late to this party. Not a fan of the name of the book. Instead, you should call it “Hell No” (with or without an exclamation point. Cheers.
The title needs editing to remove extra words. It should read, “No -How to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don’t” The extra “The” and “Book” dull the message.
Passive language? In the first sentence? And wordy? Plus, not sure the goal of life is making good decisions. Many will think it’s having the good outcomes that come from good decisions. The decisions are the way you obtain your goals not the goals themselves. Therefore, the first three sentences can be revised into, “You accomplish your goals through good decisions, the simple, but not easy, binary choice of yes or no.” Also, the idiomatic expression “writ large” “benevolent phalanx” feel like they are about writers ego not readers clarity. Some clean up would improve readability.
bro no way
how ironic that to get the book, you must say “yes” to your newsletter. No thanks.
Tim, I met you in the back of the Hotel Jerome last winter when you were writing this book. I called the “Hot Guy” and my friend called you “the Hot Guy with the dog”. I think I sat down right next to you like we were best friends after not knowing who you were. I didn’t know who you are. It was such a pleasure to meet you.. I’m very interested in having a conversation with you. I also wrote a book, a teaching memoir all about why to say no in your life. I’m learning to say no and teaching people to protect their space. Let’s talk.
Thrilling comeback: Tim’s The No Book isn’t anti-book—it’s a life-affirming blueprint built on the power of saying ‘no’ to make room for a few transformative ‘yeses.
Really enjoyed this idea, saying ‘no’ with intention feels like a powerful way to protect focus and create space for what truly matters.