“My tardiness in answering your letter was not due to press of business. Do not listen to that sort of excuse; I am at liberty, and so is anyone else who wishes to be at liberty. No man is at the mercy of affairs. He gets entangled in them of his own accord, and then flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.”
— Seneca
“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin
For me, 2025 will be a year of shipping new things. There’s lots in the hopper.
Today, I’m pleased to announce my first book in more than seven years.
It’s been in the works for a long time and is currently 500+ pages. This time around, I’ll be doing things very differently.
The book, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK, is a blueprint for how to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don’t. Don’t let the title mislead you; it’s probably the most life-affirming book I’ve ever written.
It details the exact strategies, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and more that I and others use to create focus, calm, and meaning in a world of overwhelming noise.
THE NO BOOK contains all of the best tricks and tools that I’ve collected over the last 15 years, in addition to those of world-class performers. Lots of my friends make cameos, and I’m sharing details that I’ve kept closely guarded until now. If you’ve wanted to know how my life and business work with only three full-time employees, this will show you.
What else is different about this book?
– Though I drafted the bones years ago, I brought in a close friend as a co-writer and co-experimenter. This is my first time ever collaborating on a book, and it’s been an amazing and hilarious adventure. I’m thrilled with the results, and I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
– Unlike my last five books, we’re going to first release this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.
– We will also create a community for early readers, who will be able to read and experiment together, support one another, and provide us with feedback on the book. We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn’t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.
– The plan may change. In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and try something else.
– To read THE NO BOOK first and get other exclusives, you just need to subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday newsletter. That’s where the magic will happen. It’s easy to unsubscribe anytime.
***
Now, I don’t want to give too many spoilers, and the exact timeline will be announced soon, but I won’t leave you without a sample.
Two chapters are coming up tout de suite.
But first, what of that collaborator?
Well, he made an appearance in The 4-Hour Body when I force-fed him into gaining muscle, but he’s better known as the ten-time New York Times best-selling author of The Game, The Dirt, Emergency, and others. He’s written liner notes for Nirvana and received hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of duty at The New York Times, wrote cover stories for Rolling Stone, and almost got killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Truth. He and I even have the same haircut.
Most relevant here, he busted my balls for not finishing this book sooner, and that’s how we ended up here.
So why don’t I let him tell the story in his words?
INTRODUCTION
By Neil Strauss
The goal of life is to make good decisions.
And decisions are the simplest thing in the world. They just consist of a single choice between two words: yes or no.
Through this binary choice, much like the way a computer builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our destiny.
These two options, however, are not created equal. There is just a tiny sliver of the world that we have the time to experience. So, we are called to filter through the nearly infinite spectrum of all that is available to us… and say no to almost everything. The more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose.
And I am failing at my life purpose.
I say yes to fucking everything.
This is why I decided to help write this book. Not just to help you but to help me reclaim my life.
When I was trying to decide what to share in this introduction, I called Tim for his thoughts.
“Can you think of a recent example where you said yes to something you shouldn’t have?” he asked.
My ex-wife was sitting next to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to come up with an example: “Janet’s costume party tonight.”
We all probably have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and persistent, in the kindest and most enthusiastic way, that I have trouble saying no to her. To her, a yes is a legally binding agreement. A maybe is a yes. And a no is the beginning of a guilt trip that ends when you fold and say maybe—which she then takes to mean yes, making it a legally binding agreement.
“So just cancel,” Tim wisely suggested.
“I can’t,” I replied unwisely.
“See?” Ingrid gloated. “I rest my case.”
Her case was indeed rested. On my guilty conscience.
I grew up in a home where saying no wasn’t an option. A no would get you a stern lecture, a long grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of love. So as an adult, I became existentially terrified that every no would come with some sort of blowback, such as losing a friendship, an opportunity, or someone’s good will. And now I give my time—and my life—away, sometimes to people who have been publicly shitty to me. They call this trauma bonding. It’s my specialty.
Not like Tim.
Tim is the master of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his text messages have an auto-response that reads:
I’m traveling overseas until Nov 7. If your text is urgent, please reach out to someone on my team. Otherwise, please resend your text after Nov 7 if it still applies. Since catching up would be impossible, I’ll be deleting all messages upon my return and starting from scratch. Thank you.
Deleting three weeks worth of messages! That is boss-level no.
It’s basically saying: The message you sent me is your priority, not automatically mine.
It’s a screaming yes to life.
It is truly an act of courage to not worry about how every single person who receives that text is going to react to being deleted. And this is just a small, everyday example of Tim’s time mastery. Here’s how incredible Tim is at saying no at a world-record level:
Five years ago, he called to tell me he was writing a book on how to say no. He wanted me to contribute an essay to it.
I didn’t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: “Yes, I’ll do it!”
I didn’t want Tim to be mad at me or stop asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a friend and talk shit about me to Naval Ravikant.
Afterward, I spent a week writing a chapter for his project, and grumbling about how I should be spending the time working on my own book. After all, people pleasers like me live in constant resentment. We blame other people’s requests for our bad decisions.
I finished the essay and sent it to Tim, as did many others. Tim sent some follow-up questions, just to take up more of our time and make sure we regretted our decision, then he did something incredible:
He said no… to the whole book!
He has so thoroughly mastered the art that he actually said no to the book on no. And then went on to return the largest book advance he’d ever been given.
Wow, that was an impressive act of self-preservation. While it may take you five days to read a book, it can take him three years to write and research it. That’s three years of his life he gained back with a single no.
There was just one problem: I needed the book. As did so many others. It’s a war zone out here. Our devices and apps, even some of our home appliances, are constantly studying us, determining how to focus more of our attention on their business models. Under the guise of helping us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to phones, tablets, watches, even our cars. And if you don’t respond to the Janets of the world within fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable “Are you okay?” or “Are you upset at me?” message. Or even worse, the insidious “???”
Whether the challenge is the phone, other people, or our own compulsions, most of us need help saying no to what doesn’t matter and drains our life energy. So, I reached out and told Tim that if he didn’t want to finish the book, I would.
On the condition that he could cancel the whole endeavor anytime he liked with one no, he eventually sent me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, thoughts, writings, and collected information. I then set about organizing it into a book that would help myself and others live a more meaningful, connected, purpose-driven life by following the path of no.
But simply dispensing rejections isn’t the goal. You need amazing things worth defending. The path of no is also the path of selective yesses. This book is a guide to finding the critical few among the trivial many.
It’s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few. These may be people, partners, projects, places, and passions—yesses so incredibly fulfilling that they enable us to say no to everything else. In fact, you only have to get a few big yesses right to live a deeply successful and joyful life.
The book that follows was put together by the two of us from Tim’s notes and experiences; further discussions and research; lots of hilarious video calls; and contributions from other gurus of no, some of whom actually said no to us. We have included their rejections in the book as templates. Unless otherwise stated, every chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim’s perspective.
Hopefully by the end of this guide, we can all learn that there is a highway to happiness. And the borders that keep us on it, that prevent us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the word no.
TORSCHLUSSPANIK
By Tim Ferriss
I first realized I had a problem when everything was going right for me.
The day was May 2, 2007, just after 5:30 p.m. in New York, when I received a phone call I’ll never forget. My editor at Random House wanted to inform me that my debut book, The 4-Hour Workweek, had hit The New York Times bestseller list.
As her words sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed against the wall in shock, gratitude, and relief. Overnight, I was transformed from a guy begging people to answer his emails to someone on the other side. All kinds of requests and offers poured in. Speaking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, brand deals—it was a tsunami.
Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this might be my only 15 minutes of fame, I said “yes” to nearly everything, especially anything six, nine, or twelve months off in the distance. My calendar seemed like pristine water, clear as crystal for a brief lull. Then I had to pay the piper.
Rarely in the same place for more than a week, I felt more like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman than a jet-setting rock star. My assistants and I were getting hammered with hundreds, then thousands, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no idea how people got my private email addresses. We were drowning.
The irony was that my systems worked great. It was pure operator error.
In the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and following my own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and reactively grasping at shiny objects and shiny people. I was succumbing to what the Germans call Torschlusspanik: literally, “door-closing panic.”
The term comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would close at night—and any resident left outside would be forced to fend for themselves. Getting through those doors often meant survival.
In survival mode, I panicked. I stopped following my own rules. Once I made the first exception, the game was lost. It was death by a thousand paper cuts.
So, what the hell happened? Why didn’t I see it coming?
These habits are formed early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a family full of lovely and conflict-avoidant folks. This isn’t true for everyone in the extended clan, but it’s enough for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, more accurately, people-fearing—a distinction we’ll dive into later.
Before the publication of my book, with little inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were negligible. I came up with wild plans, went out hunting for opportunities, cold-emailed people to pitch ideas, and knocked things off my to-do list. After the success of the book, with 1000x more inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were catastrophic. The underlying fear and guilt came out in full force and wreaked havoc. I was being emailed and called by a Genghis Khan army of versions of myself (surprise, bitch!), and I didn’t have a playbook. Saying yes to other people’s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.
It took a while to unwind and figure out that I was doing it all wrong.
Twelve months later, I had stemmed a good portion of the blood loss. It was only possible because I had found a big YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at least 50% of the noise:
Startups.
I used the book’s popularity with technologists to begin investing in and advising startups, and I soon moved to San Francisco to be in the center of the action. The timing was good, and I had incredible luck (Shopify, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and more).
One afternoon, I found myself in the office of a CEO and friend. His company would later become one of the fastest-growing startups in history. That day, he was calm as usual, despite the chaos and noise of Market Street a few floors below. Once we’d caught up on the latest developments, the conversation meandered into productivity systems, and I asked how he thought about managing email. He spun his laptop around on his desk to show me his Gmail account. Once my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one thing:
84,000+ unread email.
Smiling at my shock, he said, “Inbox zero is a fallacy.”
Completely unfazed, he went on to explain a few policies he had. He ignored 99% of what came in. For much of what remained, his answer was a short, “Not up my alley. Thanks.”
If 10 different but appealing people asked him to grab dinner, he would invite those 10 people to a group dinner and kill many birds with one stone.
If he wanted to preserve political capital but decrease contact with certain people, he’d do the “slow fade”: He might first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, and then 20 days. “They will stop asking,” he noted.
Clearly, there were levels to filtering, and then there were levels to filtering. I took a photograph of his 84,000 unread count as a reminder.
Right after that meeting, I created a digital swipe file called “polite declines” in Evernote, a product made by another startup I advised. Starting that week in 2009, if anyone said no in a way that struck me as elegant or clever, I saved it. If a rejection somehow made me feel good, I saved it. If someone had great policies on their contact form, I saved it. If I came across a trick, tool, or philosophical reset for saying no—whether over a meal, via email, or at the airport—I saved it.
This book contains the highlights from that swipe file.
It’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to implement the advice here, but I’ve found rules, systems, and tools that make life a lot easier. Of course, these strategies apply to dealing with other people, including strangers, loose ties, and family. But they also apply to managing ourselves, especially those glitches in our mental operating system that act against our best interests.
I’ve also found ways to idiot-proof things and bring the lifeboat closer, such that when you do slip into overcommitting (it’ll happen), it’s one step to recovery instead of ten.
This book was originally written like my other books (i.e., Tim tests everything, writes about what works, then publishes), until I called Neil to see how a rewrite was coming on a rough draft.
“Hey, Tim, I’m in Copenhagen,” he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. “I’m at this conference I agreed to speak at, but now I’m hosting the whole thing, and it’s been taking up all my time.”
“That’s not good. I hope they’re paying you well.”
“They’re not paying me anything.” He paused and sighed. “And you’re not going to believe this, but I told the guy running the conference he could stay at my house when he’s in LA next month.”
“You what?! Has this book been working for you at all?”
He stammered a response, and we both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren’t enough. As my friend Derek Sivers puts it, “If more information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”
So, we rebuilt the book from the ground up as a daily, step-by-step experience with readings, exercises, and a complete plan that is relentlessly action-focused.
The first test subject was Neil. As he went through these exercises and steps, he added his own experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it’s clear that if you do the work, this book really, really works. The book is designed to meet you where you are on your no journey and take you further than you think possible.
And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules. Through these readings and exercises, you will pick up a toolkit that is uniquely your own, tailored to your specific goals, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters won’t be for you, but some will be especially for you.
The No Book is a Trojan Horse for becoming better at decision-making writ large. Decision-making is your life.
Everything from a job offer to a marriage proposal is a yes to one thing and a no to hundreds of thousands of other opportunities. It’s easy—the universal default—to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up stressed and reactive, wondering where your time has gone.
The No Book re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It will help you build a benevolent phalanx—a protective wall of troops—that guard your goals, your relationships, and more, making everything more easeful.
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.
If Neil can fix his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180—which he did—the sky is the limit.
So let’s start building you some wings.
###
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P.S. Any thoughts or suggestions? Please let me know in the comments below! Comments here are far better than social media, as I’ll actually see them. And thanks for reading this far.
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
This is great! I don’t suppose you a cover parenting or include anything from a female perspective?
Glad and excited to hear that you have managed to crank this out. Quite a move.
The Artist Way group has been a big help in shifting my life for the better. I look forward to The No Book group doing the same.
Good evening,
I would love to engage in the pilot program for roll-out on this book.
-Rob
Excited for the book. I hope there’s some discussion or guidance on what things are worth saying yes to.
My life is fleeting and i have a bad case of overcommitment promiscuity! Love that term and think this may be your best book ever Tim & team.
Thank you for these chapters! I have been waiting for your next book and now I can’t wait for the next chapter! Looking forward to the journey!
How to say “No!” at work. How to understand that saying “No!” is helping you set boundaries. How to say No.” without closing the door. ,(If I am invited to do X, and must say “No.”, I’ll often say “Please invite me next time.” How to know that this is a No!!!
Fantastic idea for a book! Saying “no” is such a valuable skill and one that I (a people-pleaser myself) have been working overtime to learn. I hope the book will include plenty of methods to predict when and where saying “no” is in your best interest and, of course, when the rare “yes” is worth slipping in. For those of us ironing out our optimal work-life balance, this skill seems paramount. From my experience there are many variables that factor in: core values, prior obligations, life stage to name just a few.
This is *fantastic*. I can totally identify with Neil about never being allowed to say no as a kid, and it’s not served me well as an adult. I need this book. A specific problem I have is overexplaining/apologizing when I decline things, leaving the door open for people to talk me out of my reasons or prioritize my schedule for me. I also struggle with the need to fill in those awkward, silent gaps in conversations with more overexplaining after saying no. I really struggle with setting (and sticking to) boundaries, struggle with people pleasing all around. I’m sure these will all be covered, but thought I’d list what would be helpful for me. I’m really looking forward to this, Tim.
I can’t wait to read this book!
Hi Tim, this seems like a fantastic idea for a book – I have spent the past year reading Oliver Burkeman and Greg McKeown so this is right in line. Two suggestions – one, a focus on how to decide what merits a yes other than a gut feeling or passion; also, an exploration or discussion of how saying no differs for men vs women and challenges for each.
Thank God you two for writing this book. I learn by example the best and can’t wait to see how to tame the yes dragon and actually feel grateful for the time and not constantly feel that I don’t have enough time. Thank you so much. Looking forward to the next chapters.
Gotta say “no” to the slow drip and group project but looking forward to the finished book on the other side.
I’ve been working on improving my decision making and would love to apply what you have to share. You mentioned creating a community of folks that would put this material into action and experiment together. I’m ready to make a change! Is that something I can be apart of?
Heard you mention this in a few podcasts. Never really thought the subject was meaty enough to carry a book, seems better suited for a long blog post or a pod. But I love all your books so I’m open and hoping to be proven wrong! Great to see you out with another book of any kind.
Hi Tim!
Very excited to read this one. It’s clearly been a thread in your own life since I started reading your work, and I recall many examples of taking inspiration from you (e.g. templates on how to respond with a no) in the past as I’ve been on my own journey.
What I’d like to see covered (ideas I’m still working to come to terms with myself):
Essentially, I’m really curious as to how “no” ties into privilege, ableism, capitalism, essentialism, self-sufficiency and community.
As someone who does a lot of work that I see as essential, but within/for underfunded arts organisations and industries, I’m always tempted to take on more capacity than I can handle, and very conscious of passing that “burden” on to others if I say no, because the work doesn’t just go away – or if it does, the effects on my own communities will be detrimental.
Thank you!
P.S. Keen to be part of the Beta group if I can help by testing some of these ideas with you as the book grows.
Concept of the book sounds interesting, sample writing above is not interesting or actionable. I’m also not a fan of Neil’s TBH.
Perfect for this 74 year old! Look forward to the book unfolding over time . . .
HELL YES. I need this book ASAP – going through somewhat of an existential crisis and figuring out some big decisions in my life. Will be keeping my eyes peeled for any more sneak peaks.. thanks Tim!
I find the concept of bringing a book to life fascinating. So much knowledge gets lost without action. As your friend Derek wisely said, ‘If more information were the answer, we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.’ 😅 There’s a crucial piece of the puzzle missing, and I’m really excited to see how your plan will bring it all together. Congrats and merci!
Tim- Your writings and Neil’s have changed my life in many positive ways. Can’t wait to see where this next adventure takes me. Thank you!
But, I’m already a 5 bullet friday subscriber AND I get emails from Neil Strauss. Let me check out this book and see if it works!
Timely for sure. Going into year five of a small business and recognizing that though I still have a gazillion responsibilities, “no” is, as Jane Fonda says, a complete sentence. Ready to learn how to implement that complete sentence so that the yes makes life even juicier.
Much needed advice to help me escape from the thicket of running a surgical practice and the litany of commitments, and pursue my passion to revolutionize healthcare!
Would be helpful to hear how others handle their yes’s and no’s while maintaining an amicable relationship with a spouse who suffers from YES!-philia.
Tim, hope you get to read my reply to one of your questions about #healthcare on X (sorry it’s a 14-post thread; I need to get a paid account!) I’m serious about it.
Excited for the book. I can easily see saying “no” to the Copenhagen gig for no pay AND loaning out my LA pad to the person that pulled me in to said gig. But I’m more interested is the less obvious “no” opportunities. LFG!
people pleasers are liars 😉 I’ve been studying the contrast between assertiveness and people pleasing the last 5 years – so much to explore on this topic! I learned the hard way that my “live and let live” mentality doesn’t always work, I can’t assume that other people will speak their truth or have tough conversations. I’m honestly terrified of people pleasers after what I went through! It can destroy lives. This makes me realize TF is on to something much deeper than a No book. He’s helping teach people to accept their truth and speak their truth, what bigger thing could be taught than that?
Honestly just loving all of this so far. You both are 2 of my favorite writers/people and I’d love to be an early reader and/or part of this project in anyway I can. Thanks for all you do 🙂
Great topic, but why have a pickup artist to write it for you?
Love the story and first two chapters. Excited to read along and implement as more chapters get released D
Congrats on the new book – looking forward to reading it. I’ve loved the content on this topic from Derek Sivers, Diana Chapman, Byron Katie via Elizabeth Gilbert, etc.
What would I most want to learn or see in this book? How do you think about the underlying reasons or themes behind what you’re saying “no” to?
Maybe it’s just another way of “should-ing,” but there are times when I say “no” because something isn’t a “hell yes,” – but it’s not quite a “full-body no,” either. For example, I say “no” to a lot social gatherings. I’m an introvert, so to some extent that’s probably right for me. But some of the people I say “no” to… I wonder if I built more trust in them, was able to interact with them in a way that is more interesting or authentic to me – that might change me in a way I’d like to be changed. From this context, “no” starts to seem like the easy way out – to feel more like withdrawing than freeing myself.
Does what you’re saying “no” to ever make you think you need to grow or change? Or do you always simply trust that voice inside yourself?
Thanks 🧡
Hi from Australia. Your podcast with Liz Gilbert and how to say no immediately came to mind. One of my favs!
Congratulations, it sounds like a great book
The N.O.’S. Book: Your New Operating System. Look forward to reading it.
I’m excited!!! Advice and ideas from someone that has lived and tested the concept is always better than the alternative.
I say Yes! to The NO Book.
I’m also interested to follow and participate in how the book is released and promoted.
I’m guessing it’s gonna be a hard no to a time consuming book tour 🤷♂️
Maybe one of the experiments is promoting the book in such a way that proves the point.
What do you think Tim should say NO to, while promoting the new book?
It would be interesting to read about saying ‘No’ in later life. Being in my seventies tightens the timing?
Hi Tim,
I just saw your tweet about exploring community platforms for your upcoming book experiment. I’m on the Skool.com team (Alex Hormozi is a co-owner), and we’d love to set you up with Skool—free of charge—and make the process completely seamless for you and your team.
Could I connect with someone on your team?
At first I thought the phrase “no mirrors “ was a typo reread and got it. As a lifelong people pleaser I’m looking forward to reading your book.
With a host of choices to spoil us and getting us lost in the myriad of to do, to have, to be…a simple, sometimes not easy two letter word helps shatter the overload that we constantly put ourselves under. Nice Work Tim. Can’t wait.
This is a book about saying “NO.” I read this as “NO BOOK” – it is NOT a book – but rather a series of blog posts. 🙂
Four Thousand Weeks (book) covers something similar – we have limited time and there are many big rocks (important tasks) that demand our attention/time. How do we prioritize?
How much money would you be willing to pay to relive this current moment when you are 80 years old? If you wouldn’t want to pay anything to relive the current moment, then don’t do that. Do something else. Like playing with your kids versus working at the office late.
My whole team needs this book. My partner will need multiple copies kept ready at hand to resist the Yes temptations and tendencies.
Where oh where was this book 50 years ago when I soooo needed it. Cannot wait to read the full thing. Best of luck to you two.l
Boy, this is a book I will buy! Can’t wait to continue this. Love the quotes, all you wrote so far….dropped in to check email after a long long day of doing volunteer projects small and large. I can’t say no even tho I have a new magnet that says “Do More of what makes you happy” on my refrig. I’ll do this work and pray I am life-changed. I am 80 and it is not too late as super active.
I don’t normally post on things like this, but since you asked – this premise and the concept sounds amazing and I am excited for the book. Having read your others + Essentialism, Effortless, 4,000 Weeks, Sivers (all of them!), and Already Free (if you have not read that Tim, I highly recommend it) – this books sounds like it will be a meta summary and action plan of those mixed classic Ferris.
As a side note – I found more angst, FOMO, depressed states and lack of direction post selling a company and making lifetime money. Knowing what to say no to and not just doing things “because you can” is definitely “a” if not “the” key to lasting tranquility and perhaps happiness.
Reminds me of the Parable of the Two Sons in Matthew 21:28–32:
Jesus said, “What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’
“‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
“Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.
“Which of the two did what his father wanted?”
The people answered, “The first.”
When is it better to give a “not now” rather than a “no”?
DRUM ROLL & FIREWORKS! (AKA the party going off in my brain catalyzed by this post.) I’m so stoked. Today my bestie and I practiced saying “This is not sustainable” to dig ourselves out of people-pleasing quicksands we repeatedly stumble into. THANK YOU for this gift. Teetering my laptop on the edge of my standing desk waiting for more.
Finding joy in discovering something new—whether it’s meeting people, experiencing different environments, or stumbling upon an unexpected opportunity comes from a mindset of curiosity and openness. How do we find that right balance between this open mindset and the “No” mode, especially for common people.
I’d be interested in reading about ways to handle this kind of dilemma. Hope to see some chapters on it.
I read somewhere that Charlie Munger believed in saying No too.I would absolutely love to test the concepts of thisbook out.I do say no a lot .But it’s abrupt and not really graceful .I need better tools to do it well.I suffer from severe guilt after a no binge especially to family and is one of the biggest reason for conflict for me.I need help.
Thanks Tim. Great topic which will benefit lots of “people pleasers”.
I was just wondering that if the book is about tools/strategies to implement why do you want to release it serially. Different tools may be relevant to different personalities. Unless you see the tools should necessarily be applied in series. I’m sure you and the team have thought it all through but just giving my perspective as a reader. I would prefer a holistic view so that I can pick things relevant for me. Thanks.
Amit
This will change my life. Thank you.
Love your work Tim & love this intro – cant wait for the first two chapters & the rest. Very excited!!!
The world needs more Tim Ferris’ 🙂
so looking forward to another “Tim” book. Plus I really need to learn to say no!
I’m excited to read this! Many years ago I heard a great piece of advice that boiled the decision-making process down to: hell yeah or no. If the request of your time and energy doesn’t elicit a “hell yeah I really want to do that!” response, then the answer is automatically “no.”
I shall comb over every word in anticipation of a Mr. Waitzkin cameo!
After hearing Tim’s enthusiasm throughout multiple podcast episodes focusing on game design, seeing how the 10 year meet up event was conducted and watching past examples on The Tim Ferriss Experiment, I am both excited and terrified to see how this unfolds. When I read, “We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn’t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.” paired with Tim’s Fear-Setting and appreciation for mottos like, “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life” all of these things make me think less about casually sipping a coffee while taking a stroll and listening to a new audiobook, and puts me more into a mindset of, “God damnit I have to go ask for a discount for my coffee” or “Go talk to that person you think is out of your league” while the nausea has ruined my appetite for this coffee.
I am excited though and hope to participate; it’s not like the alternative is easy either and Tim has been a great teacher over the years. One whose advice, perspectives, conversations, evolution, humor, at times brutal and exposed honesty, has helped me to feel less alone and become a better person for both myself and for those around me. Thanks for everything thus far and for the future gems out of The No Book to both Tim and Neil. Congratulations!
This book looks amazing. I look forward to reading the rest (and hereby put my hand up to be considered for the early reader community).
Btw, my wife built her (very successful) catering business on the basis of the word “Yes!”, with exclamation intended. Saying yes to client requests/needs/demands enabled the growth of her business, not mention taking her all around the world. However, over the past five years, judicious use of “no” has been hugely beneficial.
All sounds very logical, but then I fell in love and reason and sense fell away.. would this work for me in my current state ?
Hey Tim!
A very insightful first look into your book! I found myself toggling between laughing and nodding in agreement. While it’s still early, the chemistry between Neil and yourself in these opening pages feels very promising. I especially liked how you both referenced and segued into each other’s points seamlessly. I’m looking forward to seeing more of that style throughout the book!
This book feels perfect for where I am in life right now. I consider myself pretty successful, but it’s the satisfaction that seems to fall short. While I have no shortage of ambitions, projects, and desires (along with the ability to achieve them, I might add), I always seem to be lacking time and, more profoundly, energy. One life isn’t enough for all the things I want to do – is a constant conclusion of mine on some days while on others, paradoxically, I’m completely devoid of motivation. It appears I have a bad case of the overcommitting and decision fatigue disease.
Good luck on your book! Already in line!
Thanks,
Amogh
Great read so far! Can’t wait to read more.
Amazing! Thanks, Tim! Been a huge fan every since the 4HWW which I read back in 2008 and helped me since. When should we expect Chapter 2, 3, and more? I would have loved to purchase this on Audible and listen to it on my daily commute to work (2 hrs each way). I am not a big fan of waiting to read more (just like TV series), and especially with such an important topic that I definitely need in my life – saying NO – so please keep those coming ASAP or put the book online so we can purchase it. I don’t want to lose the momentum you ignited us with this post.
Brilliant. Can’t wait to read it. In my team we talk about saying no for the bigger yes. You say things changed after the 4 hour work week hit the big time. Any examples to bring it to life? 1000 emails a day? 100 meetings a week? How many hours did you start working from what you’d been doing before? Would be interesting to know the scale of the difference Vs ‘1000x’ more.
I assume “people-fearing” refers to people who are afraid of rejection and conflicts? And learning how to say “no”, then, must be the first step in learning how to actually (and healthily) love yourself unconditionally.
As mentioned several times, to DO something is far more important than reading a book about it, however, Tim has been great at delivering actionable advice and information before. I hope this book lives up to its expectations.
“I didn’t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: “Yes, I’ll do it!”” Sounds like me! I am my own worst Janet!
And your automated text message really is next-level boss! lol… I’m stealing it for my future out of office messages.
I am SO excited for this book – thank you for sharing the first two chapters. Exercises at the end of chapters is extremely useful, so I’m glad to see they’ll be included.
What would I like to see? How to say “no” in close personal relationships without rocking the relationship boat. I’m actually reading about codependency right now, so this would further boost me reclaiming my life.
I’m also always looking for ways to stay focused and less distracted by all the noise of modern life (least of which, the political drama here in the U.S.) so I can have the mental bandwidth (and time!) to focus on the hobbies I love like art and doing more reading.
Hope all is well, Tim!
Jen Z
P.S. to my earlier email
Meant to include that I would love to be a beta-reader for you, or help out in any way. Many thanks!!
I opened my Five bullet Friday today and I can’t even begin to describe how excited I am by today’s news. Not only is Tim writing a new book after seven years but he is cowriting it with Neil Strauss. I couldn’t imagine a better pair. Litererally my two favourite authors.
I am writing this just before reading the first two chapters and I could not be happier.
The only other writer that I have a similar respect for is Stephen King ( who would be an amazing guest on the podcast by the way but a very strange collaborator.)
I have and read every book by both of you guys except the 4 hour body, which is am taking with me on my one year travel vacation around the world with my family
(a 2 year old and 7 year old included). Both of you guys have inspired me I’m so many ways. I will be forever grateful. I have listened to all podcasts and am currently up to 712 having started at 200. ( long story)
Thank you so much for this incredible news. I will be buying “the no book” the second it is released.
Just wanted to take a moment to let you know all you both have done for me and my family. My wife is not a reader but has still read “the truth” and loved it.
Amazing news. Thanks guys.
Steve Lewis (Brisbane Australia)
For the next 19 days.
Excited about the practical approach and especially curious about how you apply this in relationships where emotions are involved. Thank you!
I would love to be a part of the community to ensure I get to read the chapters as they come out and learn how to apply them to my life. Looks like I get to read the 4 hour workweek now!
As a corollary, saying no to most things means you get to say yes to the few things that really matter (if you can figure out what those few things are). This is sure to be an interesting read, as a far of both their writings (Tim and Neil) I can’t wait to see the finished product, receiving it one chapter at a time may an interesting experiment.
Can’t wait to read the rest of the chapters! I definitely need to say no, and probably to an opportunity quite soon, but all the tools available could help me with that given that I have a lot of FOMO and mostly that I won’t have other opportunities later if I say no. Thanks Tim and Neil for putting this up, your books are truly life changing!
Love this Tim!! Thank you so much for sharing and can’t wait to until to read the entire new book!
Well crap another book to add to my pile. Yes it is possible I’ll learn useful stuff so I WILL get. I’m an odd ball here my favorite book by Tim is Four Hour Chef. I learned how to learn better, and got me thinking about cooking and how I write about cooking. I hope Tim’s charm continues to shine through his creation. Wonder how step by step verses narrative style will be used?
Quite empowering for those who are world pleasers. Sometimes no is the perfect answer.
Thanks Tim! “No” is a super important topic to cover in the current attention economy that we live in.
To me, a crucial part of being able to say “No” is that your goal(s) are crystal clear. If something comes along that might help you reach your goals faster it might be worth truly evaluating that opportunity. As I feel a lot of people have vague goals or none at all I’m interested in how you approach goal setting as a stepping stone on getting to no. Looking forward to reading it!
Hey Tim, interesting book start and looking forward to reading it entirely.
Not my thing to read all these comments..so apologizing in advance if someone has already brought this up:
I have mastered the art of the “dinner invite No” and the “can you do a, b or c Nos.”
Where i get sidetracked is with the big NOs…those things that I’m already and possibly deeply engaged in. Those things that are the working out and/or are heading me in a direction i no longer want to go. I would love to gain some insight into those larger/deeper No tools. Hope they may be a chapter of your book….
Best of luck. Please shoot me an email if you respond to this, as I am moving on to other things.
I’m so excited about doing this, one app that helped me focus tremendously is called “Screenzen” (no affiliations).
After dozens of tests, this is the one that sticked and I managed to control my social media addiction.
Some variations:
Lacking opportunities
Building the no muscle becomes satisfying in itself when no is anchored in my values. E.g.: I value compatibility in romantic relationships and I’m willing to say no to an exciting opportunity when I identify a lack of long term compatibility; I’m even able to focus on the compatible aspects only (say: an exciting adventure) and embrace them with a hard yes.
Yet, in the absence of opportunity, closing some doors with a no doesn’t automatically mean opening others. It might mean loneliness. Have I worked on myself enough to excitingly say yes to that? Maybe. What about saying no to incompatible jobs or business opportunities? Realistically that only works when you already have food on the table, and yes, putting food on the table is an honorable quest – but a different one. So I’m interested in this: how to say no when you’re on the side of the fence where the phone doesn’t ring?
Loyalty
What happens when a yes becomes a not anymore. I’ve struggled a lot with continuing on a path I’ve wholeheartedly embraced, when it becomes clear that it’s no longer the path I want to be on. It’s a sense of loyalty to my own choice: I said yes to this person, this opportunity – and that comes with the commitment to keep going. Otherwise it feels as though I’m invalidating my own decision making process.
How do I figure out when a yes becomes a no? Sometimes that’s difficult to see when you’ve embraced an identity or a long term pursuit. How do you say ‘I’ve changed my mind’ – to yourself? And to others? Perhaps it’s less about pleasing others or dealing with the aftermath of changing your mind, and more about being aligned with yourself, then the outward expression flows naturally.
—
As always, thanks for the food for thought and well-inked perspectives. Looking forward to the book!
This is just what I need! I am pretty good at tactfully saying no (and shedding my people pleasing guilt) but I struggle with all the interests I have and truly wanting to yes. I often reflect on priorities and know where I want to put my focus and time, but the things I would have to eliminate are essential responsibilities— related to work(no matter how hard I try, I have NOT been successful with achieving that 4 hour status) and taking care of family (which I WANT to do) . So, if I say NO – I’m saying No to some of my most valued activities.
I need help sorted this and I can’t wait to follow the journey you laid out. Would love to be a beta reader! (Although, maybe I should say no? LOL)
Thank you for all you do! You’ve been a light and inspiration to me for many years!
Did you think about pairing with role play? Look at skillgym.com. I am seriously interested in experimenting
Woww I’ve been waiting on this. Thank you Tim for everything you do for the world. You changed my perspective on lots of think and well, changed my life as well. Thank you!!
I think i’m good at saying NO and i’m happy about it. But many times i’m too hardcore to say NO…..knowing more elegant ways could help tremendously (specially with my wife and daughter XD )
I want Tim’s file on the rejections that made him feel good. I struggle more with coming across as an asshole than with saying no. But, I’m still excited to hear he’s written another book, congrats!
I agree with Neil, this book needed to happen. Even before getting into the meat of this book, I can feel my neural pathways changing as I re-examine my relationship to no and yes. Looking forward to the rest!
Yes! This made me sit up straight, pay attention and want more. The constant pulling in a all directions is exhausting and leaving me feeling like I’ll never get done what I want to do. This is the exact help I need to feel in control of my time and energy again.
this book is coming at the perfect time for me. thank you and i can’t wait for the entirety of it.
Honestly, I feel like you’re talking to me. Is it too early to say I think this book is going to be incredible? Thank you for sharing what you have so far. I also love how many really great friends you have, and the genuine interest you show in the way you write.
Not gonna read it
Jk, just practicing my nos
I don’t want this book…
I NEED this book.
A better title jumped out from Neil’s intro. If someone hasn’t already mentioned it, here goes:
The Path of NO.
How to navigate life on the highway to happiness.
This journey-based description sums up my experience (and gratitude) for all that Tim has done for my life.
I explain it like this.
Many years ago, Napoleon Hill told me of a place that I thought only existed for a select few. Jim Rohn gave me the map to this place. Tony Robbins got me pumped up along the way. And Mr. Tim Ferriss became my personal tour guide – do this, don’t do that, stop here, avoid there – these are what you need to bring. Don’t expect it to be easy, expect it to be worth it.
Thank you Tim Tim and Team Team.
Take my money!
One thought that came as I was reading this: I’d love to get the Ferriss treatment on how to RECEIVE a no, not just give one. Like an expansion on the comfort challenges from 4HWW. This is the other side of the psychological Rubicon for me, as I’m often terrified of receiving a no, which leads to not asking, even if the asking is critically important.
Former chronic PP here. Been practising boundaries for 3 years. One unexpected benefit is that I now LOVE when others say no to me. It makes me trust them. And I love that they trust me, and our relationship, enough to say no. Other things I can think of. When someone puts a boundary in with me, maybe challenging my Own behaviour, they are taking a social risk ON MY BEHALF ! What a gift. And how courageously vulnerable.
And last….but not least. I would never dream of hustling someone for sex, after they’ve stated a no. Why on earth would I think that hustling them for a yes in other areas of life, is any less predatory and abusive. Consent is consent. And no, is no. Have lots more. But thats enough for now.
I love it. As always a super pragmatic approach with real world examples, rather than theory that may not work in practice. I look forward to working through the exercises. This will have a huge impact.
Marriage is the ultimate yes or no. help.
Ive wondered what would be next for you. Like all of your books, this seems like something I need right at this moment. Decision-making and focus are two areas I feel hopeless in. Add in the amount of information I take in to improve them and the amount of inaction on my part and you have the recipe for a student willing to listen and hopeful to finally improve.
First and foremost — sincerely thank you, Tim. Your books are of more value to more people than you will ever know.
Does the book presume you already know what to say “yes” to?
Or is the criteria / process to evaluate whether something is a “yes” or “no” revealed along the way?
It sounds like finding a big “yes” in VC largely took care of the rest for you (at least temporarily) — I’m almost more curious about how you find those big “yesses”.
It also seems more enjoyable and potentially inspirational to approach life from the perspective of finding the real “yesses” vs. eliminating / avoiding the “nos”.
But maybe this more positive approach widens the aperture too large and leads, especially people pleasers, to allow too many actual “nos” to masquerade as “yesses”.
I’m sure you took this into consideration and would love to hear your rationale / thoughts. Can’t wait to read it all!
I‘m literally juggling 5 paying positions right now, 6 if you include coaching youth sports… I will start reducing to “only” 4 in February and 3 in April (I hope) – don´t get me wrong, I love it :). But it is not sustainable.
I believe I could be a great contributor to the “no-group guinea pigs” and it would be an honor to help others and to support you Tim – the least I can do for all the great help and advice you have given me.
P.S. I’ve been implementing your advice since 2013, was part of the pre-paid advertising experiment and really have been living the 4HWW 🙂
P.S.S. my first comment after 12 years almost 🙂
While I realize the goal of the text is to guard against lost time and effort spent on things that deplete our goals and ambition or even our sanity. Which has been part of Tims Hero’s journey for some time seeking stoic wisdom and peace in the chaos. I hope the book finds balance. I worry that the state of the world has been isolating and closing off others as a coping mechanism has led to the fall of the United States and many other nations. If we delve too much further into building walls, We will lose something critical to being human. As AI becomes a source of wisdom and our confidant we stray further from the village and become mechs walking through the post apocalypse wasteland viewing the world through screens and monitors.
I’ve been a stay-at-home Dad for a few years now and maybe post Covid seeing the world become more selfish and all the old Gods not stand up to the test of time. I have felt a sense of isolation so I am not the target audience as I would welcome more opportunities to engage in a meaningful way. Social networks algorithms feed our subconscious streams of consciousness that often appeal to our most base motivations. I would be more interested in seeing a dive into that version of saying no in a world that is built to feed off engagement with no weight given to positive development instead of ragebate or conflict. We are so manipulated that even if we know it is happening and can see it for what it is we are pulled in. Tim knows better than most that systems are built to trigger responses. His entire process revolves around bio hacking or understanding these. Thats what attracted me to his content to begin with. He once quoted “No man is an Island.” I hope he includes a chapter on saying no to no aka allowing yes. A cold plunge into opportunities you may not even see when the walls are up. Like in the world war z series where they talk about the 13th man whose job it is to disagree or leave open the possibility of being wrong. Set parameters put on your space suit if you must but we have to take a walk on Martian soil from time to time.
Can not wait to read!!! Perfect timing for me and I need to put in the work!
Very excited about this book. Not so much for saying “no” from a people-pleasing standpoint, but from the decision-making standpoint. I have so many interests and pursuits going at any given time that I get buried to the point of being unable to move from all the irons in the fire!
Thanks for this!
And yes, please add me to the Beta group!
So great to hear the announcement, and congratulations to finishing another project. I have been and I am guilty and saying “yes” to too many things. So, I believe that I am one of the people that could benefit from this book. I have been on my no journey and had some success but have never been able to articulate it until now. I’d be happy to be an early access reader if there is an opportunity to do so (not overcommitting here!). I wish you every success and looking forward to reading each chapter as it’s released!
Neil – great intro
Tim – great first chapter
I would like to see examples, scripts and also the tech you use detailed in the book.
So excited for the next chapters.
– Tom
Excited for this! The “The more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose. And I am failing at my life purpose.” from Neil resonates with me lol
I love the idea of this book, but I hate the idea of drip-feeding little bits of it out at a time.
I’d much rather this be like every other book purchase where the reader just pays one price for the whole book and can read it at their own pace. Needless to say, I think what you wrote here will come to pass:
“In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and try something else.”