“My tardiness in answering your letter was not due to press of business. Do not listen to that sort of excuse; I am at liberty, and so is anyone else who wishes to be at liberty. No man is at the mercy of affairs. He gets entangled in them of his own accord, and then flatters himself that being busy is a proof of happiness.”
— Seneca
“I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”
— Anaïs Nin
For me, 2025 will be a year of shipping new things. There’s lots in the hopper.
Today, I’m pleased to announce my first book in more than seven years.
It’s been in the works for a long time and is currently 500+ pages. This time around, I’ll be doing things very differently.
The book, tentatively titled THE NO BOOK, is a blueprint for how to get everything you want by saying no to everything you don’t. Don’t let the title mislead you; it’s probably the most life-affirming book I’ve ever written.
It details the exact strategies, philosophies, word-for-word scripts, tech, and more that I and others use to create focus, calm, and meaning in a world of overwhelming noise.
THE NO BOOK contains all of the best tricks and tools that I’ve collected over the last 15 years, in addition to those of world-class performers. Lots of my friends make cameos, and I’m sharing details that I’ve kept closely guarded until now. If you’ve wanted to know how my life and business work with only three full-time employees, this will show you.
What else is different about this book?
– Though I drafted the bones years ago, I brought in a close friend as a co-writer and co-experimenter. This is my first time ever collaborating on a book, and it’s been an amazing and hilarious adventure. I’m thrilled with the results, and I’ve never seen anything quite like it.
– Unlike my last five books, we’re going to first release this one serially, one chapter or a handful of chapters at a time.
– We will also create a community for early readers, who will be able to read and experiment together, support one another, and provide us with feedback on the book. We want people to change their lives with this book, and for that, reading isn’t enough. It must be applied, and we feel that the community, combined with serial release, will help produce real action with real results.
– The plan may change. In keeping with the theme of the book, if the community or serial release turn into more headache than fun, or more emergency brake than accelerator, we’ll renegotiate and try something else.
– To read THE NO BOOK first and get other exclusives, you just need to subscribe to my free 5-Bullet Friday newsletter. That’s where the magic will happen. It’s easy to unsubscribe anytime.
***
Now, I don’t want to give too many spoilers, and the exact timeline will be announced soon, but I won’t leave you without a sample.
Two chapters are coming up tout de suite.
But first, what of that collaborator?
Well, he made an appearance in The 4-Hour Body when I force-fed him into gaining muscle, but he’s better known as the ten-time New York Times best-selling author of The Game, The Dirt, Emergency, and others. He’s written liner notes for Nirvana and received hate mail from Phil Collins. He did a decade-long tour of duty at The New York Times, wrote cover stories for Rolling Stone, and almost got killed by an ax-wielding polyamorous lunatic in The Truth. He and I even have the same haircut.
Most relevant here, he busted my balls for not finishing this book sooner, and that’s how we ended up here.
So why don’t I let him tell the story in his words?
INTRODUCTION
By Neil Strauss
The goal of life is to make good decisions.
And decisions are the simplest thing in the world. They just consist of a single choice between two words: yes or no.
Through this binary choice, much like the way a computer builds digital worlds out of 0s and 1s, we create our destiny.
These two options, however, are not created equal. There is just a tiny sliver of the world that we have the time to experience. So, we are called to filter through the nearly infinite spectrum of all that is available to us… and say no to almost everything. The more we can say no to the things that don’t serve us, the more we are living our purpose.
And I am failing at my life purpose.
I say yes to fucking everything.
This is why I decided to help write this book. Not just to help you but to help me reclaim my life.
When I was trying to decide what to share in this introduction, I called Tim for his thoughts.
“Can you think of a recent example where you said yes to something you shouldn’t have?” he asked.
My ex-wife was sitting next to me and it took her 1.5 seconds to come up with an example: “Janet’s costume party tonight.”
We all probably have a Janet in our lives. She is so pushy and persistent, in the kindest and most enthusiastic way, that I have trouble saying no to her. To her, a yes is a legally binding agreement. A maybe is a yes. And a no is the beginning of a guilt trip that ends when you fold and say maybe—which she then takes to mean yes, making it a legally binding agreement.
“So just cancel,” Tim wisely suggested.
“I can’t,” I replied unwisely.
“See?” Ingrid gloated. “I rest my case.”
Her case was indeed rested. On my guilty conscience.
I grew up in a home where saying no wasn’t an option. A no would get you a stern lecture, a long grounding, or worst of all, a withdrawal of love. So as an adult, I became existentially terrified that every no would come with some sort of blowback, such as losing a friendship, an opportunity, or someone’s good will. And now I give my time—and my life—away, sometimes to people who have been publicly shitty to me. They call this trauma bonding. It’s my specialty.
Not like Tim.
Tim is the master of no. As I write this in mid-October 2023, his text messages have an auto-response that reads:
I’m traveling overseas until Nov 7. If your text is urgent, please reach out to someone on my team. Otherwise, please resend your text after Nov 7 if it still applies. Since catching up would be impossible, I’ll be deleting all messages upon my return and starting from scratch. Thank you.
Deleting three weeks worth of messages! That is boss-level no.
It’s basically saying: The message you sent me is your priority, not automatically mine.
It’s a screaming yes to life.
It is truly an act of courage to not worry about how every single person who receives that text is going to react to being deleted. And this is just a small, everyday example of Tim’s time mastery. Here’s how incredible Tim is at saying no at a world-record level:
Five years ago, he called to tell me he was writing a book on how to say no. He wanted me to contribute an essay to it.
I didn’t have time to help out. So of course I shut it down with these four words: “Yes, I’ll do it!”
I didn’t want Tim to be mad at me or stop asking me to contribute to his books or abandon me as a friend and talk shit about me to Naval Ravikant.
Afterward, I spent a week writing a chapter for his project, and grumbling about how I should be spending the time working on my own book. After all, people pleasers like me live in constant resentment. We blame other people’s requests for our bad decisions.
I finished the essay and sent it to Tim, as did many others. Tim sent some follow-up questions, just to take up more of our time and make sure we regretted our decision, then he did something incredible:
He said no… to the whole book!
He has so thoroughly mastered the art that he actually said no to the book on no. And then went on to return the largest book advance he’d ever been given.
Wow, that was an impressive act of self-preservation. While it may take you five days to read a book, it can take him three years to write and research it. That’s three years of his life he gained back with a single no.
There was just one problem: I needed the book. As did so many others. It’s a war zone out here. Our devices and apps, even some of our home appliances, are constantly studying us, determining how to focus more of our attention on their business models. Under the guise of helping us, they drown us in inboxes, notifications, and alerts, synced to phones, tablets, watches, even our cars. And if you don’t respond to the Janets of the world within fifteen minutes, you get the inevitable “Are you okay?” or “Are you upset at me?” message. Or even worse, the insidious “???”
Whether the challenge is the phone, other people, or our own compulsions, most of us need help saying no to what doesn’t matter and drains our life energy. So, I reached out and told Tim that if he didn’t want to finish the book, I would.
On the condition that he could cancel the whole endeavor anytime he liked with one no, he eventually sent me a 72,000-word Scrivener file of his notes, thoughts, writings, and collected information. I then set about organizing it into a book that would help myself and others live a more meaningful, connected, purpose-driven life by following the path of no.
But simply dispensing rejections isn’t the goal. You need amazing things worth defending. The path of no is also the path of selective yesses. This book is a guide to finding the critical few among the trivial many.
It’s about finding the big yesses in our lives. Just a few. These may be people, partners, projects, places, and passions—yesses so incredibly fulfilling that they enable us to say no to everything else. In fact, you only have to get a few big yesses right to live a deeply successful and joyful life.
The book that follows was put together by the two of us from Tim’s notes and experiences; further discussions and research; lots of hilarious video calls; and contributions from other gurus of no, some of whom actually said no to us. We have included their rejections in the book as templates. Unless otherwise stated, every chapter and first-person anecdote that follows is from Tim’s perspective.
Hopefully by the end of this guide, we can all learn that there is a highway to happiness. And the borders that keep us on it, that prevent us from straying into the abyss of meaninglessness, are paved with the word no.
TORSCHLUSSPANIK
By Tim Ferriss
I first realized I had a problem when everything was going right for me.
The day was May 2, 2007, just after 5:30 p.m. in New York, when I received a phone call I’ll never forget. My editor at Random House wanted to inform me that my debut book, The 4-Hour Workweek, had hit The New York Times bestseller list.
As her words sunk in, I staggered backward and collapsed against the wall in shock, gratitude, and relief. Overnight, I was transformed from a guy begging people to answer his emails to someone on the other side. All kinds of requests and offers poured in. Speaking gigs, interviews, consulting, partnerships, brand deals—it was a tsunami.
Flattered, unprepared, and afraid this might be my only 15 minutes of fame, I said “yes” to nearly everything, especially anything six, nine, or twelve months off in the distance. My calendar seemed like pristine water, clear as crystal for a brief lull. Then I had to pay the piper.
Rarely in the same place for more than a week, I felt more like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman than a jet-setting rock star. My assistants and I were getting hammered with hundreds, then thousands, of emails per day. 90% of the time, I had no idea how people got my private email addresses. We were drowning.
The irony was that my systems worked great. It was pure operator error.
In the deluge, I had slipped from a mindset of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out) and following my own priorities, to a mindset of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and reactively grasping at shiny objects and shiny people. I was succumbing to what the Germans call Torschlusspanik: literally, “door-closing panic.”
The term comes from the time of walled medieval cities, when the gates would close at night—and any resident left outside would be forced to fend for themselves. Getting through those doors often meant survival.
In survival mode, I panicked. I stopped following my own rules. Once I made the first exception, the game was lost. It was death by a thousand paper cuts.
So, what the hell happened? Why didn’t I see it coming?
These habits are formed early and embed themselves deeply. I come from a family full of lovely and conflict-avoidant folks. This isn’t true for everyone in the extended clan, but it’s enough for my default to be people-pleasing. Or, more accurately, people-fearing—a distinction we’ll dive into later.
Before the publication of my book, with little inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were negligible. I came up with wild plans, went out hunting for opportunities, cold-emailed people to pitch ideas, and knocked things off my to-do list. After the success of the book, with 1000x more inbound, the effects of people-pleasing were catastrophic. The underlying fear and guilt came out in full force and wreaked havoc. I was being emailed and called by a Genghis Khan army of versions of myself (surprise, bitch!), and I didn’t have a playbook. Saying yes to other people’s priorities made mine vanish like sand through my fingers.
It took a while to unwind and figure out that I was doing it all wrong.
Twelve months later, I had stemmed a good portion of the blood loss. It was only possible because I had found a big YES that allowed me to focus and say no to at least 50% of the noise:
Startups.
I used the book’s popularity with technologists to begin investing in and advising startups, and I soon moved to San Francisco to be in the center of the action. The timing was good, and I had incredible luck (Shopify, Facebook, Twitter, Uber, Alibaba, and more).
One afternoon, I found myself in the office of a CEO and friend. His company would later become one of the fastest-growing startups in history. That day, he was calm as usual, despite the chaos and noise of Market Street a few floors below. Once we’d caught up on the latest developments, the conversation meandered into productivity systems, and I asked how he thought about managing email. He spun his laptop around on his desk to show me his Gmail account. Once my eyes adjusted, I stood there slack-jawed, fixated on one thing:
84,000+ unread email.
Smiling at my shock, he said, “Inbox zero is a fallacy.”
Completely unfazed, he went on to explain a few policies he had. He ignored 99% of what came in. For much of what remained, his answer was a short, “Not up my alley. Thanks.”
If 10 different but appealing people asked him to grab dinner, he would invite those 10 people to a group dinner and kill many birds with one stone.
If he wanted to preserve political capital but decrease contact with certain people, he’d do the “slow fade”: He might first reply to them in 5 days, then 10 days, and then 20 days. “They will stop asking,” he noted.
Clearly, there were levels to filtering, and then there were levels to filtering. I took a photograph of his 84,000 unread count as a reminder.
Right after that meeting, I created a digital swipe file called “polite declines” in Evernote, a product made by another startup I advised. Starting that week in 2009, if anyone said no in a way that struck me as elegant or clever, I saved it. If a rejection somehow made me feel good, I saved it. If someone had great policies on their contact form, I saved it. If I came across a trick, tool, or philosophical reset for saying no—whether over a meal, via email, or at the airport—I saved it.
This book contains the highlights from that swipe file.
It’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to implement the advice here, but I’ve found rules, systems, and tools that make life a lot easier. Of course, these strategies apply to dealing with other people, including strangers, loose ties, and family. But they also apply to managing ourselves, especially those glitches in our mental operating system that act against our best interests.
I’ve also found ways to idiot-proof things and bring the lifeboat closer, such that when you do slip into overcommitting (it’ll happen), it’s one step to recovery instead of ten.
This book was originally written like my other books (i.e., Tim tests everything, writes about what works, then publishes), until I called Neil to see how a rewrite was coming on a rough draft.
“Hey, Tim, I’m in Copenhagen,” he screamed over a cacophony of background noise. “I’m at this conference I agreed to speak at, but now I’m hosting the whole thing, and it’s been taking up all my time.”
“That’s not good. I hope they’re paying you well.”
“They’re not paying me anything.” He paused and sighed. “And you’re not going to believe this, but I told the guy running the conference he could stay at my house when he’s in LA next month.”
“You what?! Has this book been working for you at all?”
He stammered a response, and we both came to realize that for a die-hard people pleaser, information and templates aren’t enough. As my friend Derek Sivers puts it, “If more information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”
So, we rebuilt the book from the ground up as a daily, step-by-step experience with readings, exercises, and a complete plan that is relentlessly action-focused.
The first test subject was Neil. As he went through these exercises and steps, he added his own experiences, notes, and struggles. Afterward, seeing the eventual transformation, it’s clear that if you do the work, this book really, really works. The book is designed to meet you where you are on your no journey and take you further than you think possible.
And unlike most self-help programs, there is no set of one-size-fits-all rules. Through these readings and exercises, you will pick up a toolkit that is uniquely your own, tailored to your specific goals, challenges, strengths, and weaknesses. Some chapters won’t be for you, but some will be especially for you.
The No Book is a Trojan Horse for becoming better at decision-making writ large. Decision-making is your life.
Everything from a job offer to a marriage proposal is a yes to one thing and a no to hundreds of thousands of other opportunities. It’s easy—the universal default—to get pulled into the quicksand of half-hearted yesses and promiscuous overcommitment, ending up stressed and reactive, wondering where your time has gone.
The No Book re-examines how we navigate our finite path. It will help you build a benevolent phalanx—a protective wall of troops—that guard your goals, your relationships, and more, making everything more easeful.
As you get deeper into this book, you’ll begin to realize that how you handle no mirrors how you handle almost everything in life. Dramatically changing your nos will dramatically change your life.
If Neil can fix his Copenhagen debacle and do a 180—which he did—the sky is the limit.
So let’s start building you some wings.
###
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P.S. Any thoughts or suggestions? Please let me know in the comments below! Comments here are far better than social media, as I’ll actually see them. And thanks for reading this far.
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
My life has felt like following a compass on which all directions are North. A feeling of directionlessness conflated with the stubborn idea that I have to justify my existence by somehow proving my worth, has led me to living my life according to the opinions of others.
But choosing a direction based on guilt that was never even yours feels like a vote of no confidence towards my own inner knowing:
At some point saying yes to others expectation leads to mistrust of your own sense of direction, much like overuse of Google maps deteriorates your navigation skills.
At this point, saying no feels like a massive leap of faith because I mistrust my own ability to find yesses.
If you have thoughts on this that would be helpful.
I suppose the whole comment could have been summarized as “Saying no feels vulnerable and it is hard to be that vulnerable”.
Yes… a massive leap of faith! That’s how it feels to me too, and I am holding onto an idea from Emily (posted 4 days ago) that there will be opportunities and unexpected magic awaiting us, which will come from trusting in the goodness of it all. Don’t you just love it?!
Finding the yesses is the hidden core of this book. I think it might help, Hidde.
What would I want to see, you ask? I’d flip through for an internal monologue answer as I seem to burn a lot of energy shoulding on myself. Working on it – I can bring awareness to it, but I’ve yet to master the next step, whatever that may be. What I probably should look for is nicer ways of saying no. A long time ago I eliminated “I don’t have time” as a way of saying ‘no’ because the truth is time is a choice, but I think I could find a more collaborative way to tell someone I don’t choose to prioritize their thing. Best wishes on the project.
Can’t wait for this! I’d love to see advice for couples: partners will have different opinions on what to say “no” to, and different ideas of what makes a yes “so incredibly fulfilling.” Even if a couple has a shared life vision, opinions will differ in how to work towards it! How can we apply these principles effectively for ourselves and with our partners?
Thanks for the thoughtful, impactful content, I’m excited for another great book!
I have your quote, “if it’s not a full body ‘hell, yes!’ then it’s a no” on the wall next to my desk. It has changed my life the last few years. I’ll be saying yes to this book and no to the other possible ways to reboot myself this year – I’m retiring after 30 years in biotech/pharma comms (aka, crisis management) and determine what to say yes to and not feel bad or nervous about saying no to other things that aren’t hitting me full body. Thanks for working on this and releasing it – love the approach!
Tim,
Cheers to your new book!
My first thought was, “I don’t usually have a hard time saying no”… but maybe this isn’t actually true- sounds like I need to whip out the microscope.
Then my brain jumped to your interview with Cyan Banister and her use of the dice for decision-making… then I started thinking how some people advise to begin by saying Yes to everything (i.e., the No should come later).
Anyway, lots of thoughts percolating– and I’d love to be a part of your early reader community.
I also like that you’re serializing this- made me think of Dickens’ serialized comic, The Pickwick Papers. (altho eventually, I’m probably gonna want the physical book!)
I hear Derek Sivers chuckling amusedly to himself… The originator of the “Hell yes!” litmus test.
I just want to say thank you for this and especially for sharing the word “torschlusspanik,” as just yesterday I made an incredibly painful, deeply personal, life-altering decision to stop going down a path that I realize now was absolutely driven by the panic of a door closing for good. This post was a balm, reminding me that there are opportunities and unanticipated magic awaiting us even with a difficult “no.” I see now that empowerment comes from trusting in that goodness. Thank you. I really look forward to this book.
Thank you, Emily for those wonderful words! I have been stuck in a going nowhere path for some years now, ever since I decided that I didn’t have what it would take to re-imagine my future. Saying yes to Tim’s new book, means that I too believe “that there are opportunities and unanticipated magic awaiting us…and I see now that empowerment comes from trusting in that goodness.”Yeah! Thanks for putting that goodness/magic spin out there!
Tim, congratulations on your first book in seven years! I’ve just finished re-listening to Tribe of Mentors, which has become an annual tradition for me at the start of each year. Your books are like a mental reset button that help me refocus and realign my priorities.
For this new release, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of ‘dangerous no’s’—the decisions to say no that carry risk or uncertainty. For example, grappling with opportunity costs while still being young, ambitious, and hungry for growth. How do you balance the discipline of saying no with leaving room for spontaneity and the unexpected ‘yes’ that can lead to growth and serendipity?
Thank you for continuing to share your insights and experiments—I can’t wait to read this one!
I want this book! Thanks for writing it.
Now that’s intriguing! Looks like this book will weave together what bestsellers in the past touched on briefly – exactly what we needed!
PS: As a German native, “Torschlusspanik” is now mostly used in the dating world. It reminds me of Ryan Holiday’s reference to “Sitzfleisch” in The Obstacle is the Way. Historical meaning versus today’s usage; words evolve. Always happy to check any German references, curse words included! 😉
So excited for this book! Just the Intro and the first chapter got me hooked! I need this in my life!! Thank you gentlemen!
I’m stoked to check this book out. Great concept, applicable to everyone from busy Moms to busy CEOs. I just finished sending a half-hearted reply to someone asking for a donation and now realize I should have just left that email unread. Kudos to Tim of 2009 for predicting what all of us would need in 2025.
This has come at a timely moment for me, my word of the year is “NO”.
I think it’s brilliant and I’m most curious about the action in community part of the read along. I echo the Sivers quote, and would love to be a part of a community reading through this work whilst enacting it. Think of all the data!
Question: how do we begin saying “No” when those ecstatic “Yesssses” have yet to present themselves?
Also – more on JOMO please 🙂
I love this theme so much since I started studying negotiation. We say Yes to others instead of saying No to ourselves, and then we resent the other person to whom we said Yes, when in fact we should resent ourselves. Okay, let me speak only on my behalf. I do that. Not as much I as used to, since I leaned to say Yes to the person and No to the question, simultaneously, thanks to my studies. Actually, all I leaned on that topic came from Bill Ury, which I know Tim has talked to in the podcast. He has a book called – the power of a positive No – which gave me the basis on that. I loved this theme so much I started working with negotiation and mediation for groups. I am really looking forward to your new book and experiment and to be a beta tester. And since I have been a fan of yours since ever, I am sure I will like it, so I already thank you.
Diana Chapman challenged me to spend a month letting others pay—for lunch, coffee, dinner—something I had always rushed to do or slyly maneuvered to cover. It was a profound act of saying “no” to my 7-year-old self, the one who believed he had to prove his worth by taking care of everything. That simple shift rewired my mindset around wealth, self-worth, and scarcity, showing me that receiving can be as powerful as giving.
Just want to put it out there, sometimes a life situation that gives you chances to say no is a blessing. Having been a Harvard grad, I had lots of opportunities that I turned down – that I was told others would die for. But in recent years after having gone through career hell (woman in science stuff), I can see that this habit of saying no has not been helping me, as I’ve found myself saying no to some of the deepest things I want. With that, just a reminder that it’s not all about no, the aim is really saying yes to self. If I’d said yes to myself early in my career, it would have been to take a vacation after publishing a big paper. I didn’t have the courage to say no to the pressure and encouragement from others to go for the next big thing. Anyways, I’m looking forward to reading more when the book comes out, just a bit skeptical that saying no in and of itself is a sound strategy (with the thinking that no is designed to protect a clear yes from within). Also noting that if any action scores below an 8/10 on my list (in terms of joy/life/positive feeling), I tend to not do it.
Definitely sounds promising. It would help if it is layered, so that one doesn’t have to wade through step-by-step instructions for things one already gets/does
OMG.
too exciting. Neil Strauss AND Tim?? This is incredible
Brilliant. Can’t wait to read this!
Please can you cover dealing with one person in a social circle who you were once close to but has turned toxic.
You no longer like to see them on their own which is expected.
You don’t want to alienate yourself from others in the group by upsetting this person either …
sorry long winded but have no doubt you both would deal with this far more eloquently!
Think you’ll love this poem by Naomi Shahib Nye:
The Art of Disappearing
When they say Don’t I know you?
say no.
When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone is telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.
If they say We should get together
say why?
It’s not that you don’t love them anymore.
You’re trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.
When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven’t seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don’t start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.
Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.
Naomi Shihab Nye, from Words Under the Words: Selected Poems (Far Corner Books, 1995)
Brilliant news Tim! Absolutely ready, in need of and looking forward to levelling up my decision making abilities. Thank you for writing what will no doubt be another immensely helpful book. Can’t wait to start learning and implementing. Looking forward to the experiments.
I’m excited to read this book but are you releasing the chapters in e-reader/ Kindle format? Trying to say No to being on my phone all the damn time.
Hi Tim~
I’ve been listening to your podcast for several years and always check out the guests that have anything to do with physical, spiritual and mental health awareness. I’m a Marriage & Family Therapist semi-retired and often share things from your podcasts that will benefit patients. Looking forward to your No Book that seems to go along well with setting healthy boundaries! Can’t wait for the first two chapters!
Looks great. Thoughts: (i) Would be interesting to see if the book has any exceptions where saying yes indiscriminately may be a useful tactic. Perhaps switching to full on yes mode might be a useful if you are in a rut and short of options. (ii) Yes Man by Danny Wallace might be a good read if you ever want a fun exploration of the alternate ‘pro yes’ viewpoint. (iii) I wonder what the cross cultural aspect of this is. Is it harder to say no and some cultures? Do cultural considerations impact on whether it is a good idea to say no in different parts of the world? (iv) Probably an interesting angle is how to say no really artfully – sounds like you’re covering this from what you said. To give an interesting source on this – here’s what the etiquette gurus Debretts have to say on how to deliver a well executed no – https://debretts.com/how-to-say-no-2/
Hi!! This piece looks great. No is a must to take care of your life. I can´t wait to be part of this as early reader, and for pre-sell.
In Latin America is easy to be a people pleaser and I want to get rid of it as soon as I can.
Looking forward to digesting it! A few questions though:
-How will it be different to “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F-ck”? As in the book it’s also about saying no to the things that are not important
-how will it avoid repeating the same idea over 500 pages when you get the gist after 50?
-will this be applicable to the 50 year old manager who is surrounded by requests as well as the 25 year old student who perhaps has to say yes to everything to get the ball rolling?
All the best
And I am wondering how it will apply to a 78 year old woman who is currently living a sedentary life.
Good topic. I am however very concerned because this may be another book I put on the shelf after reading it but because of SEROUSLY TROUBLING PROCRASTINATION I get nothing out of it other than being really pissed off at myself for not pushing through. My laundry list of hsoulda coulda woulda is so upsetting I don’t even want to think about it.
I have to reply with VORFREUDE! – or the joy of anticipation – another of these German words that actually describe an entire state/mindset that can’t be translated literally.
I copied you by following the rule of not reading a book that’s been published less than a year ago and after reading the first chapters I will happily break it.
A question: would it be possible to buy a hard copy (or I can self print if only digital is available)? For important books I prefer the paper version which allows me to take notes on the pages more easily than highlights on kindle. Fully understand if it can’t be done at launch and if I’m the only one with this ask. It will be an excuse to read it a second time when it’s available.
Wow Tim. I’ve been a follower, reader and loyal listener to your stuff for a very long time, yet never posted a comment. I admire how curious you are and how you ask really deep questions over and over again. I’m pulled in today because you are on to something very important at a time when people have lost their clarity for life’s critical decisions. I have been working with the body’s energy system for a few decades and know that smart people can learn to feel a “YES” or a “NO” with attention to the heart and also with a simple test that uses the tongue. You may have heard of muscle testing, but have you tried tongue testing? I’m not kidding! The key is getting calm so that you can truly feel the difference inside. I rely on something called Emotional Freedom Techniques or tapping to quickly get into that calm state. If you ever want to explore a pow erful expert on this for your podcast, check out Peta Stapleton PhD https://www.petastapleton.com/ who is the world’s expert on the research coming out of Australia. She’s a gem and fun to talk with too.
Tim, I’m no psychiatrist but I would bet that people who grow up with little (financially or emotionally) are most helplessly driven to say “yes” to everything. Either emphatically “yes” or the weak “yes” that’s actually a soft “no.” Being asked for something (a favor, a contribution, your time) feels like a gift, feels empowering to someone who grew up experiencing deprivation. Even as you point out it’s actually the opposite. Changing this behavior will trigger (and require) dealing with deep psychological shit for some people. Book feels as important as early works on overcoming victim complex.
Caught my attention and made me curious for what’s in store. Wondering how far the rules apply for those who are comfortable saying no *but* the pieces of the puzzle still aren’t reaching that desired endpoint (whether this is within the scope or not, just a thought)
The phrase “If more information were the answer, then we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.” resonated so much. I am a sucker for information and suffer from “analysis paralysis” I’ve received so much information regarding my brain, habits, sleep, my body that sometimes I’ve lost contact with my intuition. With whether that information actually applies. And at the end none of it -most of the times- incites me to move, action, decide…. Looking forward for this book. Hoping is just not another chunk of information
Tim…..this is very interesting since listening today to Gary Vaynerchuk’s podcast you were a guest a while ago when you’re book “Tribe of Mentors “ had just came out! I’m interested in reading more about “The Book of No”……. Tim, I never miss your podcasts!!
A new Tim Ferriss book in 2025! And with Neil Strauss as co-writer! And the subject matter is exactly what I feel I need to read in 2025! Thanks (in advance) Tim and Neil, I cannot wait to see where this goes!
Read all the books and
implemented a lot of your stuff
Hi Tim! So excited to read this book and have followed you for over two decades. In fact, in 1999 when we decided to move back to East Hampton, NY I reached out to you on starting a business there-specifically as a Personal Trainer, but in general what to expect from the “Hamptons”. You graciously and personally wrote me to go for it as it’s all about the marketing and personal relationships, no matter what field. Happy to say I’ve built a thriving landscape business as well as my side hustle still personal training! So thank you! For giving me the courage to chase my dreams. All said, as a Preacher’s daughter, I still tend to be a people pleaser so looking forward to your new book and would love to be a beta tester! Thanks Tim!
Everything starts with a no. To prioritize doesn’t mean to put something at the top of your list, it means to cross something out to make room for something else. I’ve fended off the hoards with both middle fingers raised high, for a good part of my life. I would say that outsider litterature and punkrock set me on that path.
The belief in a self, that needs to be protected and fed, makes anyone the perfect hostage for anyone else. Without that fear, it doesn’t take courage to say no. To me, committing feels way more risky than letting yet another thing pass. I am most interested in the selective yesses of this book.
~~Fun-Friday times ahead- Thanks for updating us on your NEW (old) Adventure!! Enjoy 2025!!- Lynn Fostine
I’m a huge Tim Ferriss disciple. Count me in! You had me at “No” I can’t wait to see more of this.
You’ve done it again Tim. You really are the master thought leader for high performance in this modern day. Fabulous introduction to the book by yourself and Neil. I’m waiting impatiently for the next instalment, and when that drops, I’ll be practicing saying no so I can gift myself the time to read it. THANK YOU.
To keep it short and sweet: Yay!!
Things I loved: the vulnerability, the personal stories of getting it wrong, allowing us into a behind-the-scenes view of your friendship. They draw the reader in, help us feel connected and identified with you, and make us like you. These are good things! And the humour is great is both chapters. 🙂
Other (humble!) thoughts:
I would encourage you to make sure to include and appeal to the average human in this early section. I think Neil’s intro does a better job of this. But in your chapter Tim, the examples of the startup reprieve, the CEO friend, the inbox, the 10 person dinner party- these came across perhaps a wee bit unrelatable to me and I wonder if this might be true for other folks who might want to pick up your book (and I’m predisposed to love this book- I’m certain it would apply to me even though I’m very much a regular-level human, ha).
To be clear, I think these are great stories/examples and good fodder to cover somewhere in the book- successful people unarguably have waaaay more to filter, but in an intro, I would err on the side of throwing out the largest possible net to your readers. I’m sure these ideas can apply to us all in the modern world, whether we’re a recent retiree, a busy hockey mom, a mid-level manager, or a young adult trying to decide if they should go to school, get a job or travel the world. And I wonder if broadening your initial outreach might land with your audience more the way you might be hoping. 🙂
Cheers!
Looking forward to the book. Enthusiastic that it is being released over time. Feels like it will help lessen the unintentional natural pressure to go fast paced when an opportunity like this comes around. Cheers
This sounds like a great book. I hope it includes detailed case studies that take into account various cultural contexts and other demographic differences (age, gender etc.). I’d also love to be an early tester!
Tim, your NASDAQ book launch party for Tools of Titans (2017) was incredible. I wish you similar success on “The No Book”. I will keep tuning in.
Hi, how do I participate in the experiment / “NO” community if I’m already signed up for the 5-bullet Friday newsletter?
Tim,
You left us a breadcrumb trail on this topic. You had many wonderful podcast guests who gave life enhancing tips on why and how to say no. I implemented them and had positive outcomes. I would love to be part of the dialogue amongst your tribe. Thank you for all the knowledge, information, humor and kindnesses you share with all of us.
Congrats!
Laurie
Looking forward to this!
Excellent first taste. Really fun premise. I look forward to this I’d like women to be in this book, as the subjects of verbs and the people saying no and producing thoughts and actions.
The bros have a way of taking over, and i find all that backslapping can be intensely dull.
Starting as high as a fiction book for the quality of the storytelling, but still packed with real-life anecdotes. It’s obvious you spent years diving into interviews, and it really shows in how polished the writing is now. I love the Copenhagen example—so relatable how we go from “Sure, I’ll help” to suddenly running the whole dang show. Also, that switch from JOMO to FOMO totally caught me off guard, because usually it’s the other way around. I was expecting a solid intro, but this is even better than I hoped—and I’m sure the rest of the book will keep up this momentum!
Saying NO. Sheesh … I’ve actually never really thought about how to not say yes. I always thought saying Yes was saying Yes to serving (which is supposed to be good).
That’s Rad, I am in the process of a career shift and this will be helpful, and probably fun, and also probably a bit painful at some realizations of the toxicity of some of my current behaviors. I’m in!
Hey Tim – since you asked for it in your last email – one thing I’d love to learn from your book is not only how to say no to all the things, and yes to the meaningful things, but how to stay motivated and focused on those meaningful yeses to actually accomplish what you want and not just veg out from the exhaustion of all the potential nos coming your way and the decision fatigue that comes along with them. Excited for the book!!
Fantastic! Can’t wait to read the book – the drip feed will be a tease but I’m in. This is what I’ve been working towards for so long but have so much more to learn and I look forward to what you have to share with this book.
Oh Gosh –
Neil may not be saying no, he may be negging us.
I dread the impact this is going to have on my overeducated, quite talented, impressionable young staff… when there are just things we have to do whether we want to or not.
:/
Feels like a perfect complement to Mr Sivers’ Hell yes.., I am trying to move away from taking on/ relying on new systems (seeOliver Burkeman’s meditation for mortals) but I may have to give this one a few bites.
This book comes at a great time. On a walk today (and after having completed some other coaching, I was just thinking that I know that I *need* to say “no” but *how* do I do it? Thanks for hopping right on that Tim!
One request: to the extent possible with the scripts, steps, and how-tos, can some of them acknowledge that not all of us work in tech start-ups or in small businesses? Some of us will be incorporating aspects of this plan, however imperfectly, within corporate bureaucracies with their own constraints and nonsense.
Best,
Kris
this book comes at the perfect time! Can’t wait and love the idea behind it
OMG, I am Neil!! Agreed to let some folks I don’t know very well stay at my house soon (since one of them, whom I like, but again, don’t know well, had stayed with me last year because I didn’t know how to say no back then either). Need this book so that this does not become an annual request that I don’t have the guts to decline!
Brilliant opening chapters – love the readability and applied approach for sustainable change. Bravo! Excited to join the reading community!!
I am super excited to get to read the book. My thoughts immediately move to how you decide what to say No to and what to say Yes to. I hope the book covers how we in our many roles in life (husband, father, son, friend, employee, citizen) would make the Yes/No decision. Each of these roles would have different decision making criteria. How would we handle the conflict between those yes‘s and No‘s and associated criteria? Anyway looking forward to the book. Cheers Sven
I think the psychology of saying ‘no’ will be a good chapter that i am looking forward to reading. I hope there is a chapter on this topic. it will be very useful to understand the mental model that Neil and/or Tim use the validate a ‘no’ versus a ‘yes’ project
Congratulations on the new book!!! I love your ideas on releasing it and creating a community to support the actions. I can’t wait. Sign me up!!!
NOthing new here.
The text at best breathes new life into an old topic.
Here’s the thing; if you say NO, then what are you going to do with all the time that frees up?
If you can’t answer that question then you have a bigger problem than saying NO to stuff.
It’s a push pull or pull push; does NO mean YES to something else or does YES mean NO to something else?
Be More Cowboy. A Cowboy can only carry (on a horse) the absolute essentials – it’s a NO to everything else.
You need Jack White (White Stripes. Third Man Records) in the book about NO. Jack’s ‘The ‘Liberation of Limiting Yourself’ and his obsession with the number 3 is a powerful tribute to knowing what you want to do (the YES) and eliminating what doesn’t fit the model (the NO)
I read, re-read, and used the material from 4HWW. If you apply: 80/20 (0r 20/80); Parkinson’s Law,; the power of NO and if you’ve worked out which YES things (max of 3 – power of 3) matter to you and yours, then you have the answer(s).
The NO Book – the sub-title could be ‘What are you going to do with all the free time? If you can’t answer that question then you remai stuck …
Finally. NO can be dangerous – from a famous Amy Winehouse song ‘They tried to send me to Rehab – I said NO, NO, NO’ if only she had said YES.
Regards
Peter
Brilliant. I have just recently learned that No is a complete sentence so this is timely.
Love the format and cannot wait for the next instalment.
Congratulations to you both.
Hi team,
First time, long time.
As a serial people pleaser this book is something I (sadly) know I need. It sounds fantastic and I can’t wait!
I have a background in luxury brands, and in that world, the way communication is phrased to sound elegant and beautiful even when the underlying message is negative (or a straight no), is something I have found truly fascinating. I’m sure your book will contain many examples but I thought I’d share this recent example from a colleague seeking post interview feedback. The classic sandwich technique;
“Dear (Cadidate),
Thank you for your reply. I understand that receiving disappointing news can be difficult, and I appreciate your willingness to seek feedback.
Although you have a good foundation on clienteling, gaining more experience in hosting clients at events could be beneficial.
You are a good candidate but unfortunately we already have similar profiles in our team currently.
Please feel free to re-apply again shall we have other positions available in future.
Best regards,“
Good luck with the book, love to be part of the beta.
Much love from Australia,
Bart
I hope it teaches filtering techniques! Overloaded with information, and this has just added to it – searching for the nuggets is another indirect way of that stupid YES!
This couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Can’t wait to read more.
Congratulations to you both! Loving the format and the invitation to join your community. These times we live in are calling out for this book which is going to serve us all super well. Thank you!
Looking forward to read it. What you do and recommend really serves me well (most of it at least)
I wonder what the systems and rules in this No Book say about priority people, like your boss, your main client or your wife.
Best regards Tim
Remembered hearing that this book was scrapped from one of the podcasts a few years ago. I was very bummed. Excited that it is finally coming out!
OMG! Yes, can’t wait for the serial edition….it’s great to offer it this way cuz I only have to read a little bit at a time and let it sift down into my brain. Don’t have to say “NO” to the next chapter on the next page.
Brilliant. No surprise.
Let’s go 2025!
Hi Tim. Long time fan, read all the books. I don’t know of any good framework to use for making the biggest decisions – where to live, who to marry, what to work on, how to work, etc. Is this what the book will be helping you to do? Specifically by eliminating what you don’t want to do? If so, I think I would be a good fit for a beta tester because I’m 25 and trying to proactively, consciously make those decisions instead of following the path of least resistance. Thanks.
I’m sure there are chapters on how to not be a jerk but the part I’m curious about is how to still find and continue the joy of serendipitous encounters ; post Covid , like many, I’ve avoided many of these types of get together but think they are an important part of life. Also, as someone who built Thor life and career by asking others to help you and dedicate time to you (for nothing in return) what would you say to the kid looking for 5 min from you?
Neil and Tim, this intro is a killer mix of raw, funny, and deeply relatable. The binary decision-making metaphor is sharp, but I’m curious how the book will address those murky no situations – when guilt, FOMO, or professional stakes complicate the choice. Hoping future chapters dive into tactics for navigating these without burning bridges or losing focus.
The section on trauma bonding hit hard – I’d love to see actionable ways to break those patterns, maybe with small wins that build momentum. Also, looking forward to how the toolkit flexes for different types of people – entrepreneurs, creatives, or anyone juggling complex social dynamics.
If the rest of the book keeps this balance of practical tools and big-picture shifts, it’s going to be a game-changer. Can’t wait to dive deeper.
The fact that it’s a practical workbook tried and tested by someone with a similar level of people pleasing to my own and an incredible author no less, has riled me so much to get my paws on this book.
If there’s a cure…please bring it on!!
Was intrigued by this: “with only three full-time employees”. Operative words “with only”. They are likely special talents.
They obviously know you better than any of us ever will so … how about turning the tables and letting them tell us what it’s like to work for you?
They can maintain their anonymity, just interested in their raw reactions and to see how much of your writings have influenced them and which of your teachings, if any, they are applying in the execution of their work.
Just a zany, off beat suggestion.
Thanks for all you do.
“Not my alley. Thanks!” I love that. I look forward to more ways to say, “No.”
Yeah, I know “no” is a complete sentence, but it feels hard to pull off. Or it’s not enough for some of us. People pleasing is an addiction that began as a survival technique. Once the Lizard Brain finds something that works… it’s tough to sell it on something else.
I’ve been saying no more often lately. I even backed out of one thing I couldn’t shake doubts over, but I also have second thoughts afterward.
Excited!
Add on to my previous post, I forgot to say thanks and that I’m excited by this and need this advice. And I know Tim as a generous and thoughtful giver bs taker. But I do fear with all the push to maximize productivity and self care, we are losing human connection, empathy and genuine connections. We can’t all
Be spaces to our inbox and others priorities but I do think carving out ways to help others makes for a better life and a better society. Live for you all to address this
I am ready for it all! I think this is going to be awesome and so helpful for both me and my wife. I know i have plenty to learn in this field and my upcoming question will probably get answered but ill ask anyway.
Once you systematize or make defaults for all of these processes it seems to only allow room for what YOU want. Has there ever been a time or a realization that you are keeping yourself from new and exciting opportunities; based off of what you think or thought was important to you at the time of coming up with your systems? There are so many great people, places and things amongst the noise that I think could get lost or overlooked if you dont allow some deviation from your own set of rules. Hopeful to hear your thoughts and aplogies for the run-on question.
-WSG
Great topic. I think it would be helpful in one of these opening chapters to sketch out the scope of decisions covered. While personal life and professional decisions are important, so are decisions made in a leadership role and as an investor. How to say no as an entrepreneur is something I am currently struggling with leading a global non-profit in scale-up mode, similar as an angel investor. I personally would benefit a lot from your collation of insights across your portfolio of startup leaders and interviewees, mixed with your personal experiences. Great topic. Count me in for the Beta group.
This book is so essential. Please hurry 😂
Evernote!
I’d love to know how you use it now ( if you still do ?)
Beyond the excitement in the above words – I’m truly intrigued as someone growing up in India all my life as a people pleaser – which is a virtue in itself to learning to say no? Is this even possible? Or maybe it’s just a fade and another non fiction book that I might read and come across as oh yeah that was a nice read but really nothing else changed.
I’m really excited for this book. I’ve been feeling stuck because I have too many options which has never been my problem. I’m overwhelmed and am hoping this book can help me find the right things to say yes to! Sign me up for the community and beta testing, I’m ready!
Tom & Neil – I’m looking forward to this book. I was raised to say ‘Yes’, so a book of ‘No’ will be a breath of fresh air.
So let’s start the wind machines!
I volunteer as tribute!! For the beta reader group, of course.
I am really keen to know if there will be a section on planning a future self/dream life in the new manuscript. In my mind, saying yes/no is like using a blinker on a car; it’ll turn you right or left and keep you moving forward, but it’s even more powerful if you have a destination in mind. I’d love your take on how you go about defining that destination.
I 100% need a book like this. I’ve been struggling to say no to well-paying projects for my business for the past year. And my creative pursuits have stalled. Thanks for sharing your story and processes.
Really excited to read! It’s been a long time coming. Thank you for sharing more of yourself with the world!
Once in one of your lives on YouTube I asked you for advice on how to achieve my goals – I’m a psychotherapist and would like to grow my business, AND I have adhd, so lots of trouble with discipline. You told me to give money to a friend and tell him to give it away to a project I don’t like if I don’t do what I plan to do.
After becoming poor, I… Just kidding. I didn’t do it… Like so many people, I tend to read and listen but then don’t follow through. So the way you plan to make things with your new book sounds just perfect and I’d love to be part of the community!
My question is: in this world of endless distraction, how do you say no to the consuming mode and yes to the creative mode? How do you make the pain / Torschlusspanik of saying yes to consuming big enough so that you can finally turn it into a no?
Vielen Dank, lieber Tim – Can’t wait to read more!
Saying no is not the problem. Identifying the big yesses of life is. This seems to be another “how” book (how to say no) when we need a “what” or a “why”. I speak for myself but I expect lots of people like me, who have broad and expansive personalities (on top of trauma bonding, of course) have never figured out, to the deepest core of their being, “what” it is they truly want to say yes! to. What is “IT” that deserves to sacrifice for and saying no to everything else. From these 2 chapters I see only lip service to this side of the equation and more of a technical how-to say no. I would love to see more focus on identifying the “yes”. Hope this is useful feedback.
I’m so excited for this! Great stuff so far, and I’m Pumped to see Neil included on this as well! Big fan of you both.
I would love to see some content on saying no to ourselves. Meaning, sometimes we don’t feel like doing something, or sometimes we take the easy path. Many times we take actions that aren’t in our best interest. I would love to seen content on getting better at telling the “bad influence” in us all, how to push through and make the better decisions. How to say NO to ourselves, or that devil on our shoulders, the resistance, the bad habit persuasion. This way we can truly move forward, and then have more strength or know how to say NO to all external noise and influence.
Great stuff, really looking forward to this!
This is fantastic news, Tim! I read your first book in 2008 when I was in a loveless marriage, and my business was failing. The 4-hour Workweek set me on a path of getting my life prioritized and living the life I wanted. It also taught me to take non-fiction books much more seriously. All these years later, I’ve read 100’s books, married the love of my life, and become wealthy along the way. I can’t wait to read your new book to get me started on my chapter as I get ready to retire. I hope there is a chapter for us older folks.
I am already intrigued and laughing at what the accumulated notes of how to say no in different ways really are. Looking forward to it!
Will the book include any advice for politely and lovingly interrupting people? (I view this as a way of saying “No” to another person’s flow of speech.) As a psychotherapist who’s relatively new to the field, this is something I can struggle with. I imagine that Tim, a very skilled interviewer, might have some helpful guidance on this. Would love to hear his thoughts. I think this skill would extend beyond the therapy or interviewing context. For me, the difficulty in interrupting others is at least partly rooted in a people pleasing tendency, not wanting to upset the other person. Thanks! So excited for this book.
I’d title it simply “No” instead of “The No Book”
Love this, it’s just what I need, even though I didn’t even know I needed it till today… please post more soon
I’ve been a Tim Ferris disciple since he first published the 4HWW. Read all his books. Pretty sure I have listened to all of his podcasts. Recently retired. I’m pushing 65. Looking to start next chapter.
Be fun and interesting challenge to see how the Beta Test works on someone quite a bit older than TF’s typical demographic! I’d love to be in the Beta group!
I would love to beta test this book.
The constructive interference of your latest content and my return to paying attention to you after a period of not following exceeds coincidence.
You mentioned personal things in your last show that are exactly what my last months have entailed as well. By having to prioritize and say uncharacteristic no’s during that time I’m so outside my comfort zone with humanity its awesome. And I can’t wait to take advantage of it more by applying your chapters.
Totally entrained and here for it.
Marcus Buckingham = The One Thing You Need to Know…
My fave takeaway = “figure out what you don’t like doing and stop doing it”
I’ve quoted this statement to hundreds of people over the years. Profound.
Can’t wait to read your latest as I’ve read them all and I have a feeling it goes next level on the above…