No Girl? How to Express Your Man Crush on Valentine's Day Instead

Hi Tim! "Platoon way, not Brokeback way…" & "They’ll know the truth and shed a silent tear" had me shedding a silent tear from laughter. The clip at the end was a nice surprise; it reminded me how long it's been since I've watched that masterpiece. Thanks for the post! – John

Haha. Nice post. Hopefully coming soon: 'I Man-Crush NY' and 'Mo Money Mo Man-Crush' t-shirts. -J

I don't know, my friend. Those "crossbones" look rather phallic to me. Then again, I'm a chick, so maybe I'm biased…

Is that your boy Tim? Because, you do live near SF – not that SF is brokeback – well, nothing wrong with brokeback either I guess. Cheers. ### LOL… I do live near SF, but I'm in the 30-40% that isn't playing for the same team, so-to-speak. In other words, in some areas, I would be in the hetero minority 🙂 Tim

Dude, Tim… a word of advice: "Girls, girls are SOFT… but BOYS? Boys are HARD." When you're ready for your initiation into dude-on-dude, my buddy and I have a few ideas in mind for you. Seriously. ### Hi Sam, I appreciate the kind offer, but I'll have to pass. I haven't quite given up on the ladies yet. Me likes the womens. But more power to ya', Tim

Ha Ha, Way to keep the MMA in the mix. I will have to let Carlos Machado know about this one. If you come into dallas, send me a shout and I will make sure you roll at Machado's. Thanks for all the recomms. on these different books, I just picked up "The Paradox of Choice….." Its great having someone who can give solid advice on quality books. Hope you are still training in Jiu-Jitsu. Best Jose Castro-Frenzel

Great cause and nice post. It had me laughing out loud. I’ve done it both ways but willingly spent the last 2 years casually dating/single. After a few V-Days spent single and lamenting missing out on all the fun I had a realization. It's an AWESOME day to push your comfort zone. I'll do something that violates the cultural status quo – eg: Go see a movie during peak hours by myself and enjoy the hell out of it. Or hit up the bar on my own and see who I meet. It's a great opportunity to take charge of the moment, and worst case scenario if I'm still itching for some female company – it's Valentines day. If guys dislike being single on it, girls HATE it so finding female companionship is usually a lot easier than 99% of the other days during year. Or if i want something a little more fun I'll hit up a salsa club. Nothing like a bit of ballroom/Latin on Valentines day =)

Ok, Here is my take on V Day: IF you are single: Better to be single than in a bad relationship. At least you are free to explore options. IF you are in a relationship: Make the best of it and do something memorable. Don't just blow money, do something that shows you really care. A weekend getaway, make a painting, just be creative and sincere. This is my first year since I was 22( 26 Now) to be single and I am glad. I learned so much in 2007 and am having fun Micro Testing some of the tools Tim and others have shared. Siempre, Jose Castro-Frenzel

I share your man crush. There's no way of saying that without sounding creepy. I'm sure you've seen Rescue Dawn but if not you've got to check it out.

Like the man says, "Every bad boy has a soft side…"

This post has garnered itself some of the most amusing responses i've seen on this blog thus far.

You? Single? That's incredible. Do your VAs track the volume of amorous RFPs you receive? Any advice for us chicks on how to circumvent our man crush's spam filters? ### Hi Christine, LOL… there is a simple way for single ladies to find me: http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?lid=24&RN=4&PI=0&TP=MWD&UID=2QojuGyvdwYCMa61bIBhBQ%3d%3d&Handle=desdeelalma&DO=2 If that doesn't show up, my name on Match is "desdeelalma" Pura vida 🙂 Tim

Come out to my [current] hometown and I'll go tango with you on V Day. (Use my email, not published here, to see where). I started tango after I saw your YouTube video from the house party in Uruguay. What…? You don't have a date on V Day after you had your dating outsourced…? 😉

I'm going to put that fightclub song on my Ipod and listen to it while I fill out paperwork all day. Deliver me from Swedish furniture!

@SAM ew ew ew ew ew! and also LOL! Btw – I'm one tough gay. Albeit with friendly sunshine coating. re: Fight Club, MTV reports today… I am Jack's … gorgeous libretto? A long-rumored Broadway adaptation of "Fight Club" is closer than ever to happening, an excited David Fincher told MTV News, admitting that preparations have been amped up in anticipation of the film's upcoming landmark. "I want at the 10-year anniversary to do 'Fight Club' as a musical on Broadway," the director enthused. "I love the idea of that.

You crazy, mang.

— is that dude touching his nips?

Tim, you're great, but honestly, is anybody really buying this 'Ladies…" stuff? How about doing the real experiment in life(style) design, and admitting that it's the Brokeback way and not the Platoon way. As your mancrush says, "Where you are now, you cannot even imagine what the bottom will be like…" but I'll bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.

HAHA!!! "designed to project chest bumping, not spooning"!! That is hilarious! But seriously Tim, isn't this really just dodging the real need? Isn't it time to go sweep another maiden off her feet and carry her to your treehouse! Next thing you know, you'll changing little Timlet's diapers (Also, something extreme to push the comfort zone!) I can see it now "The four hour babysitter, Escape 9-5 and Join the New Mister-Moms" Sorry, Just a little fun.. Have a great "Man-crush" Day! Let us know how Chistian Bale Crushes you back!

I have a man-crush on you, Tim. ### Awwwwwww…. shucks. Thanks, Nick 🙂 LOL… Tim

Hey moderator … what gives? You know only about 30% of my posts make it up on the ol' blog … is there something you dislike about me? … if so let me know how to 'change' to fit the moderator approved blog stuff cause I have not done anything against your blog rules…. Moderator … you need a hug? … that was no foul … don't call everything so close … I bet cha ten bucks you will let THIS one through … I feel like a democrat lost in a republican convention … ### Hahahaha…. be patient, young Jedi. It can take some time for moderators to get around to approving nipple-related comments. So, do I get the $10? Tim

Yesterday, I heard on an LA radio station that I should spend $300 on my date/girlfriend this V-Day… Um, what happened to "it's the thought that counts?" Seems to me as if it's not the thought that counts but the amount. Gross. This country is just flat out gross. I'm buying a card for my chick this V-Day and that is all. This conversation is over.

Obligatory Scrubs 'guy love' reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL4L4Uv5rf0

Okay… at the risk of taking 'life hacks' too far, I'm going to suggest a 'marriage hack' to all single, intelligent men. Once you find a girl is: 1. smart 2. pretty And you know you want to get married and have kids at *some* point – go ahead and get married and get it over with. It doesn't matter if she's got some character flaws, you do too as does everyone. Overtime, you work things out. There are a lot of statistics that indicate married men have much better quality of life than single men.

That's right, blogrdoc – married men live longer, healthier lives statistically. Now aren't you just the lucky ones. ; ) So what should the marriage hack for single women be? To learn the statistics about how men benefit and use them as negotiating tactics to get what we want? ; ) Or should we just be happy with getting a tax break from the feds?

Am I the only one who gets creeped out by any mention by Tim of Ladies… Men who address women as "Ladies" in this day and age usually have a sleazy undertone going. It's somewhat pejorative and just not part of current vernacular. ### Hi Matt, I'll jump in to defend myself here. I just find "women" to sound too maternal. Where "guys" is perfectly acceptable as a replacement for "men," what to use to replace the rather biological and formal-sounding "women"? Gals? Lame. Chicks? Among friends, all the time, but some women get all in a tizzy over this one. Girls? Up to about 30, I think this is fair, but some of the older lasses get twitchy about this as well. Ladies? I find this to be a nice semi-joking middle ground. Certainly not pejorative. Just my 2 cents, Tim

@Raina: I wish I could help, but I really can only speak for things from mens' perspective. I'll tell you what at least 'worked' for my wife: she gave me an ultimatum. 🙂 In my world… people would just fall in love and get on with their lives. and quit the mind games. Love begets love. When you see a good man, love him. It is impossible to eliminate the risks. Be wary of men who haven't grown up. It's tough to tell the difference. One key attribute is the person's ability to delay self-gratification, but is also adventurous in spirit and willing to try new things. Intelligent men (I think) are attractive to intelligent women. If any of this advice helps, I'd be shocked.

Tim: Big fan. Thanks for Fight Club. Played it 5 times today.

@blogrdoc I appreciate the sincerity in your reply – especially since I was being so cheeky. Spoken like true words of wisdom.

Place nice, kiddies! Or maybe you're just flirting with each other? Hard to tell… Timbo

No cheekiness intended with my 2nd comment. I don't deliver sarcasm that cutting. Nor do I flirt with married men.

>Be wary of men who haven’t grown up. It’s tough to tell the difference. Take this Timothy Ferriss guy… 🙂

Tim, can it be that your life style although no doubt beneficial when it comes to material things is counter productive when it comes to dealing with the other sex? With people you have to go slow not fast. Speed dating didn't work? Of course not!!! Women like to have assurance, stability and attention. Running around from one mini-retirement to the next while working on 20 different projects doesn't provide any of the above. It's with everything in life: even the most positive outcome usually has one negative string attached (and vice versa) I learned a lot reading your book but I can also see it's limitations. Jasol happily married with 2 beautiful children ### Hi Jasol, Thanks for the comment. I don't think that any of the core principles in the 4HWW are necessarily mutually exclusive with married life. I like to joke about being single on the blog, so it's easy to read too far into it, but it's not at all odd that an educated 30-year old guy in the SF bay area is single. Most of us are, and it has nothing to do with the 4HWW. I've had great relationships, and I'm in no rush. I'll get there 🙂 Tim

Heh heh! Love it. 🙂 Now… you do realize that Chuck Palahniuk, the writer of Fight Club, is gay, and that's got to be one of the most (sub textually) homo-erotic books/movies ever, right? Cheers, Aman

ANother great Valentine link for us creative. Its a font dating game thingy. Hard to explain, but a fun diversion for font fanatics… Enjoy! Amanda

So blogrdoc — It just occurred to me that if a guy followed your principles, he theoretically wouldn't need to even meet the girl if he could determine from a distance that she was both smart and attractive. Interesting… Talk about an experimental challenge… Not for the feint of heart.

@Raina: Arranged marraiges are still popular in many parts of the world. The way Tim talks about outsourcing his dating selection is actually very similar to this. Bottom line is that it does make a lot of sense. The whole boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, yada yada, rinse, repeat, is wasteful in money, time and emotion. Any rebuttals?

@blogrdoc Well, it's wasteful if you get stuck in the emotions. If you embrace your own emotions as your best teaching tool, then there is no waste. This applies whether you're learning from within the context of one ongoing relationship or from a sequence of separate relationships. Further, I guess I would equate the idea that my parents could pick out the best possible mate for me with the concept that an employer would know what was best for my career. I don't buy it. I strive to understand my own motivations as thoroughly as possible, but do not want other people's motivations (no matter how benign or well intended) affecting my relationship choices. I might have a different perspective if my parents' had an enviable relationship and demonstrated full competence in this arena – but, they don't. One of my best friends is from Pune, India and now lives in SF (I've actually been thinking about moving in with her). I have seen her personal conflict first hand – trying to reconcile her family's wishes for her to have an arranged marriage with her own (indeterminate) wishes for herself. She is well-educated and independent with a very active social life. At the same time, she still honors most of the values that she was raised with. Her dilemma is that many men in India dismiss her as too independent, while many Indian men in the U.S. opt for her more traditional counterparts. Further, the majority of American men have expectations of relationships that she wouldn't be comfortable fulfilling. I'm not saying she can't find anyone to date – but she's conflicted in one way or another with any action she takes. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes. Finally, in an economic climate where women are not able to support themselves financially, perhaps men and women are served equally by arranged marriages. In economic climates where women are financially independent, I think men would derive greater benefit from – or stand a greater likelihood of happiness in – arranged marriages than women. My logic is that is that if you eliminate financial support as part of the tradeoff, women will begin to look for deeper, more complex traits in a man. Often, these desirable traits will be recognizable to the woman herself but far less recognizable to her family or peers. In the meantime, men's needs remain largely the same (a physically available, affirming partner) – and are perhaps not as specific or intricate as a woman's emotional needs. (If I'm not being fair, guys – call me out on it!) As for Tim outsourcing his dating life – With respect to regular dating (excluding the pursuit of a lifelong mate and co-parent – which I consider an entirely different topic), I'm more likely to say that relationships are what we make of them – and just about anyone can make a positive contribution. I personally would rather make the best of a single relationship than go on a dozen first dates – even if I know I won't ever want to marry that partner. I believe in minimizing choice in this arena – which hastens self-discovery – and I feel that often the avoidance of relationships altogether (often with the statement that Ms. or Mr. Right hasn't come along) speaks more to issues that the would-be dater has than to the quality of their dating pool. Now, I've got some serious cuddling to do while watching Across the Universe. Highly recommended – both the cuddling and the movie! ; )

I'm buying one for all my close male friends… not only because I love them, but because I love Camp Sunshine. I have volunteered for them on multiple occasions, my business regularly gives them donations, and they are a great group with amazing, original fundraising ideas. Thanks for introducing me to another avenue through which I can make a positive difference.

Tim, true it's not mutually exclusive. But the big additional component being in a relationship and having children is responsibility for others. That's where IMHO the 4HWW principles show cracks. Not only must the life style fit you but it must be a fit for the others as well. Want to visit Pachu Picchu? Sure… but unfortunately my daughter is more interested in me changing her diapers. Oh well..I guess you'll find out how things change when you have kids. There are plenty of married 42year-old married guys in the SF bay area as well 😉 Yes you do have time. I didn't get married before I turned 35 years. Take care. Jasol ### Hi Jasol, I agree that travel requires planning, but most of the case studies in the 4HWW are of families, and how you choose to use time is up to you. Travel or other craziness that I pursue isn't a requirement at all. Point well taken that my life will change once I have kids, and I can't wait, but I don't think the 4HWW principles are at all at odds with family. Take Jed Wood's blog on 4HWW for Families as a case in point: www.thenewlyrich.com Thanks for contributing to the conversation 🙂 Tim

I personally like when men say "ladies" instead of girls or chicks. What would Matt call folks of the female gender?

@Raina: >If you embrace your own emotions as your best teaching tool Emotions *can* be a good teaching tool, but (esp. in relationships), you can obviously have *mixed* emotions. E.g. When I fell in love with my wife, I also felt scared about the commitment. So that's two emotions: love and fear. In some cases (not all), emotions are the *worst* teaching tool, so one must certainly be wary of those situations. >My logic is that is that if you eliminate financial >support as part of the tradeoff, women will begin to look >for deeper, more complex traits in a man. Very true. A family female friend of mine double majored in Chemistry and Physics at Harvard and is now an MD. I think birdwatchers turn her on. I'm not joking, either. 🙂

Tim, A lot of interesting and provoking comments on this blog, where do you see your social life in the next 6-9 months? Is there a certain age that you think is better for males or females to get married at? How about entrepreneurs? It would be interesting to know your thoughts on these various questions. All in all I think you make with your life what you want with it. I don't have kids, but can see if you put some forethought into things you can still achieve your goals, material or emotional. "The Paradox of Choice…….." ROCKSSSS!!!!!!! I want to again personally thank you for your humanitarian contributions. Please keep us up to date on any other non profit projects to help others. Regards, Jose Castro-Frenzel

I have a mate who says he's 'SBC' (Single By Choice). …yeah right! 😉

Tim, I'd be interested to know about how many sales were generated by referrals from your blog?

desdeelalma, so you're sticking to only a certain set off supply channels, in terms of the "ladies"? how are those supply channels turning out for you, in terms of quality and substance? i'm sure the quantity is off the charts. i myself think that one of your supply channels doesn't produce much in terms of quality/substance. but that's just a personal judgment from someone on the opposite side of the table. i wish you all the best in finding that special someone (whether or not it's male or female, considering your earlier "given up yet" quote) who shares the same thirst for knowledge and willingness to follow the road less traveled…

@blogrdoc Re: mixed emotions I guess having "emotional intelligence" is the deciding factor in those cases. For instance – with your wife – you recognized that the love you felt for her was based in reality while your fear was vague and largely imagined. I'm clearly simplifying, but you get the point. We definitely have to be willing to see through our own BS. I think the pain of loss or the pain that comes along with confusion is probably the best motivator to make us see through our illusions. Ideally, over time the pain we feel, along with the interpretory and behavioral adjustments it triggers, become more and more subtle. That's the learning curve I'm talking about. Birdwatchers, huh? Well, I guess they'd be patient, good listeners, probably sensitive although there's just a touch of predatorialness or voyeuristicness about it. Seeing a bright red cardinal in a largely gray landscape could be sexy. Plus there's the whole naturalist fascination of getting things on outdoors… How very Walden. I get it. I think she might be on to something. Do you think Tim grasps that you're indirectly helping me flirt with him yet? He seems to be a little slow on the uptake. ### I'm like Lenny in "Of Mice and Men" minus the strength. Sad, really 😉 Tim

Hi Tim, many thanks for the link. I'll check it out in detail. As far as I can see he doesn't provide any "family workflow" although he said he would do so. I guess I'm not good at bringing my point accross. Maybe because English is not my native language. So I'll try again (I'm stubborn after all): once you have a family and you are not purely egoistical in whatever you do/wish/work towards to you need to take into account how your actions apply to your family as well. I know 100% that there are naturally conflicts of interest between you, your wife and your kids. What this means is that you will need to make compromises because what you want is to maximize the overall benefit for the family not your personal benefit. So in mathematical terms 4hww(family) < 4hww(husband) 4hww(wife) 4hww(kid1) 4hww(kid2) …because 4hww(husband) NE 4hww(wife) NE 4hww(kid1)..NE: not equal That's all I'm saying and I stick to it 😉 Jasol

@Tim In that case, the sympathy angle is definitely your best bet. ; ) Just keep asking for help – if you're sincere it'll work every time. Good luck.

@ Tim & Co, This thread seems like a good place to inquire what you guys think of the whole "Game"/Mystery Method/PUA stuff? I have been practicing these techniques when socialising for the last 3 months or so, I am totally bought in. The results have been incredible…going from a AFC to a near-master PUA in that time. Except that instead of falling in love with the girl I have fallen in love with the system and am playing the numbers game which isn't good. In some ways I see a similarity with the 4HWW concept. For me both have been mind/attitude-altering but also come heavily laden with downside risks. Interested if anyone else has thoughts on this but possibly I might have gone over a lot of people's heads.. Ciao

this crew of trained professionals will teach you how to pickup the ladies at bars and grocery stores (also teach ladies how to pickup men or be picked up) If you speed thru the online sample videos you might even snag a GF in time for Vday. www.AskRomeo.com The concept is outrageous and yet leaves me thinking, how much further we'd all be if we had this kind of social training for a semester of high school. ~Victory

Well, dang, Tim… I was surprised to see that you were also a fan of my favorite book, A Stranger in a Strange Land. Now you're referring to women as "Ladies"? I thought I was the last person in Northern America to use that nomenclature… My special Ladyfriend [meine schöne Dame] has been claiming for months that I have a man-crush on you because of how often I quote your book/web-page/etc. Now that you've posted that shirt, she's declared it official and won't drop the topic. I'm doomed 😉 Zum Leben! -Michael

Both "ladies" and "women" are equally bad given their etymology – woman comes from Anglo-Saxon wifman – wife-man (man in Anglo-Saxon meaning person). Lady comes from hlafdæg, a loaf-maker, essentially the one who cooks. Pretty much any term used to describe people of one sex or the other is going to be essentially sexist whether intended or otherwise since it's describing a set of people by their sex. "Ladies" does however imply a certain class & dignity at least, and consciousness of the concept of being a gentleman.

Tim, Why people are never content with someone's else life? A: Because they just can't mind [b]only/[/b] their own freaking business!!! I have been single, married, divorced, and now single… A girl, a chick, a hag, a lady, whatever… My only business. Are you married? Good, so be it. Are you single, so great, enjoy it! Are getting your hell way to divorce, and playing as single while separated? Also, enjoy it! Just do not try to cast your experience as the only formula that works, it doesn't exist! Hell with Valentines melo-drama… and buying things nobody needs… 😉 And maybe to some stirr-ups I mingle among boys and do the same if I want to, excepting one little difference that I love exclusively… Make love and war if needed too… The curse and coarse of humanity, so what? Do you think we will live forever just because we softly transitioned, trangered, suppressed or mutilated ourselves to saints??? Hahaha, make me laugh! Live forever then. Cheers! Lou

Jawohl! Herr Ferriss, I lese jezt das Buch, und finde mich ziemlich begeistert. Du hast etwas besonders geschrieben. Du bist auch lustig. That was just einen kleinen Test to make sure your German is not rusty, 😉 I dare you to write back in German. www.myspace.com/amybrevard Mozart's Left Toe ### Thanks for the kind words, Mozart/Amy. I hope the funny parts were intentional! It's 2am after a long night, so no German for now, but nice work. Been to Austria, I presume? Tim

Happy Valentines Day from one single to another! Although I'm rather suprised no-one's snatched you up yet, from everything I've read you're everything a girl could want! Lets get a drink during SXSW….

Re: Your Message 2/14/08 Austria yes. Fulbright gave me the lucky opportunity to live there for two years. Ach ja. I miss it.. which is why I challenge people to Deutsch Duals in the middle of the night… Question: What was the name of the organization where you took German in Berlin? In your book you mentioned the Platz but not the company. I am looking for an inexpensive refresher course there. Also, if you have any recommendations of where to live in Berlin I would be grateful. From the four-hour-toe,,, Mozart's Left Toe aka Amy

SomeEcards has the idea right: http://www.someecards.com/upload/flirting/i_think_we_should_be_exclusive.html

Oops, I meant: http://www.someecards.com/upload/flirting/you_are_my_non_sexual_crush.html

hi……………………i have a question.How will you know that a particular has a feelings for you?……………………and how will you know that he really loves you

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