This post was not planned.
But… I have lost two close friends from both high school and college to suicide, and Heath Ledger’s unexpected death, which shows all the signs of suicide, saddened me on a profound level. It just shouldn’t happen.
To paraphrase Dan Sullivan: the problem isn’t the problem. It’s how you think about the problem that’s the problem.
Here are three concepts that I and others have found useful for preventing the inevitable ups and downs from becoming self-destructive thinking and behavior:
1. Depression is just one phase of a natural biorhythm and thus both transient and needed…
Energy and interest are cyclical. Nothing can peak or sustain red-zone RPMs forever. Normal people exhibit alternating periods of high-output and low-output, the latter being recovery periods during which depleted neurotransmitters stores regenerate, fatigued neural networks recover, etc..
The symptoms of depression often just reflect a system undergoing routine maintenance.
Fixating on the symptoms as “depression” becomes self-fulfilling and can lead to a downward spiral. Don’t jump to conclusions. Having recurring down cycles is natural. Thinking about them as unnatural, and the poor — sometimes devastating — decisions that follow, is what does the damage.
2. How you label determines how you feel.
Don’t use the term “depression,” which is loaded with negative and clinical connotations, without considering other labels that might be more appropriate. “Loneliness” or “isolation” are two common substitutes which are not just more precise but more actionable (the term “depression” doesn’t suggest a solution).
In their fascinating study “Would you be happier if you were richer?”, published in Science, Princeton professors Alan Krueger and Daniel Kahneman, winner of the 2002 Nobel Prize for his work in behavioral economics, found that perhaps the best indicator of happiness was frequency of eating with friends and family.
If you have to chose one activity to produce an emotional upswing, start breaking bread more often with those who make you smile.
3. Gratitude training can be used pre- or mid-depressive symptoms to moderate the extremes and speed the transition.
It’s frighteningly easy to develop pessimistic blinders and lose sight of the incredible blessings and achievements in our lives. This is common when a single identity — for example, job title and function — leads you to measure self-worth using one or two metrics (like income or promotions, usually in comparison to others) dependent on some variables outside of your control.
Recalibrate your perspective, and prevent over-investment of ego in one area of life, with scheduled gratitude training that takes a holistic inventory of the positive people and achievements in your life.
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None of this is intended as medical advice. If you need help, there are people waiting for your call, both friends and professionals:
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Hotlines in your state can be found on this page
Sorry for the somber topic, but lifestyle ain’t much without life.
Statistically, out of the millions of people who visit this blog, a fair number will consider or attempt suicide. I want to know that I at least made an effort to prevent such terrible loss.
Be safe and be optimistic. There is a lot to be grateful for… and just as much to look forward to.
Pura vida.
[P.S. This is a serious post for me. I can take a good verbal jab, but not on this one. Please no poor humor or nonsense in the comments, or I will permanently blacklist you from this blog with no exceptions.]