Best Investments, Bad Advice to Avoid, and Other Life Lessons (#294)

Hey Tim! I’m somewhat new to your show but have read your books, which I find to be incredibly insightful, inspiring and absolutely useful. Today I listened to the five experts podcast which included Debbie Millman and felt compelled to reach out. I’m a psychotherapist, practicing for 10+ years. Really appreciated Debbie’s take on the benefits of talk therapy. She articulated her experience with therapy so incredibly well, that I think anyone listening who was ever on the cusp of seeing a therapist would be convinced of it’s benefits. Thank you to Debbie for her illustration of the what and how and why therapy can be so incredibly important and useful. As a practicing therapist however I wholeheartedly disagree with Debbie’s “get what you pay for” assertion to finding a therapist. In the world of psychotherapists, counselors and the like, using a “get what you pay for” mentality to chose a therapist is actually a really poor way to find a good therapist. Just because a therapist has a doctoral degree and post-grad training doesn’t make them a good therapist. Most of the time, good therapists, great therapists, are word of mouth referrals from people who’ve been through therapy. A doctoral degree and post-grad training is great and absolutely needed for some clinicians and some types of therapies especially depending on what the therapist plans to do with the degree (practice, research, teach, etc), however there are a number of other factors that make for great therapists, and great therapy experiences that don’t include doctoral degrees. Because Debbie is an expert in her field and because you have thousands and thousands of listeners, I fear her advice will encourage people to either go find the most expensive therapist they can (which could be completely useless) or in the event they can’t afford that, do nothing at all. People need to know that excellent therapy can happen without a doctoral degree and going into debt, and it often does. Therapy is an incredibly personal experience with very individual outcomes. If you’re in need of therapy, the best place to search for a therapist often starts with word of mouth.

On your Goodreads page, I just saw your answer to the question:

“If/when you start to feel overwhelmed by all that you’re doing, what aspect(s) of your life do you focus your efforts and how?”

Which was:

“I focus on:

1) 80/20 analysis and re-clarifying priorities, and…

2) Getting out of my head and into my body. Movement, nature, even simply long walks, which are a favorite.

I think a lot of our misery is simply an animalistic anxiety from too much sitting.

Hope that helps!”

Thank you for that second point. I really needed to read that concise and simple fact right now.

Especially as someone with ADHD (and “who is on the spectrum”, etc.) who has noticed that, despite sitting in front of a computer screen a majority of the time I’m awake since my teen years, I can do physical labour for entire work days and still feel great afterwards: I not only should, but I NEED to, get out of my head and into my body. Daily!

I can “take” more than I think, and not only am I doing a major disservice to my mental health (which was at an all-time low in 2017; disturbingly so)—I’m being abusive towards myself—by sitting passively.

I don’t know if you’ll read this. But if you do, I want you to know:

I’m so glad I found your podcast and started listening to it while doing said physical labour these past few months.

It has honestly changed my life.

You have helped me help myself; I was drowning in myself, and you have helped me find the strength within me (that I didn’t even know I had) to push off from the bottom of my mental abyss, stay above the surface, and swim back towards the shore. I can breathe again. I am finally seeking help. And I am so, so grateful.

Thank you, Tim.

My company is interested in becoming a sponsor of yours. We are currently reading Tribe of Mentors and are loving it! Can you please have someone reach out to me?

Hi Tim, Your podcast has been a solid force in my life and I wnat to thank you for the quality and diligence you put into each podcast. I especially like the Stoic philosophy which I have been interested in since reading Admiral James Stockdale’s “Thoughts of a Philosphical Fighter Pilot” which is his essays on how he used stoic philosophy and particuarly Epictetus to survive and lead through his many years in the Hanoi Hilton during the Vietnam war. I just finished Tribe of Mentors and did not see this book mentioned by anyone but it is my most gifted book. It is an unbelievable book of philosophy in action. There are many philosophers but this guy put stoicism to an unbelievable test. Anyway I pass it on to you as a fan of stoicism.

good

I really enjoyed Debbie’s segment on the benefits of therapy: contentment, self-acceptance, understanding your real motivations, getting over insecurities, etc.

I’ve never been to therapy but I’ve gotten excellent similar results with something I wanted to share in case anyone else wants to try it. I call it Private Audio Journaling.

Basically I just use a voice recorder app and talk about whatever I’ve been thinking and feeling, especially anything that caused discomfort. Then I’ll try to probe a little deeper why this or that bothered me, going back into the past or recurring patterns. I’ll record usually a 5-10 minute entry on average, then stop and play it back (something about hearing yourself say it out loud is key). I’ll usually end up recording several entries in a session, and I do it probably once or twice a week on average.

What makes it “Private” is that I bought a dedicated laptop computer that is never connected to the Internet. I actually opened up the case and pulled out the WiFi/Bluetooth card (easy – takes a couple minutes and only requires a screwdriver). Then I installed full disk encryption software so it requires a password at boot.

That may sound paranoid but I think the ability to admit ANYTHING, no matter how embarrassing, is key to success. I would be inhibited by fear of it getting out from hackers, viruses, theft, etc. (But I’m also just a generally fearful and inhibited person – something I learned about myself from audio journaling and used to be unaware of or ashamed to admit). If you’re less paranoid just use the app on your phone or regular computer.

I’ve been doing this for two years and it’s really changed my life. I’m not claiming it’s as good as going to a real therapist, but does have certain advantages:

1. You don’t have to worry about finding someone you trust or have a rapport with.

2. You can say anything without fear of judgment or concerns about confidentiality.

3. You can do it at home any time in your pajamas.

4. It doesn’t cost anything other than the one-time laptop purchase price, and you can use a $100 old laptop from craigslist because it doesn’t need to be powerful.

You can use the private journal to write also if you want. No need to install Microsoft Office – just use the free Wordpad app that comes with Windows. For audio I’ve been using the Voice Recorder that comes with Windows 10.

Other security tips: Pick a good password you’ve never used online, always shut the computer down completely when not in use, and make sure there isn’t anything else with a microphone in the same room (other computer, cell phone, Alexa, etc.).

My favorite lesson from this episode was Debbie Millman’s investment in therapy. As someone who struggles with being coldhearted and egotastic, it helps me to know that people far more successful benefit from therapy. Like the stoic “Practice Poverty” lesson, it’s helpful to know that therapy is a tool that is there if you need it, that it can be extremely powerful, and that anyone going to therapy is not weak. They are instead facing their struggles head on, doing exactly what is required to conquer them.

Amazing podcast. It’s a pleasure to listen to you. Many investment opportunities to learn here. I am always keen to learn for some better investment opportunities. Keep up the great work.

Tim,

Love your podcast and your books, keep it up man! I’ve noticed that a lot of your content lately is tips and suggestions you’d recommend when it comes to finance/fitness/diet/etc. Seeing as you’ve reached a point in your career where your name by itself has enough weight to sell A LOT books.. Why not make your next book all about what advice YOU would give to people in various parts of life? I would certainly be interested in said book, and, I’m sure, all of your other readers and listeners would be too.